To ask if you (honestly) feel this is justified

[droopyflower]

I realise it's difficult to get a picture of a relationship from a snapshot but would you ever think this is justified.

Woman works from 8 o clock until 3 o clock, and is generally home no later than 4.

Man works long hours - 12 hour days 4 days a week.

Is he justified in stating his partner should do all the housework? The couple are renting and he pays for the rent and other bills.

Not sure. What does the woman pay for if anything re the house? Holidays? Car?

How can men bear to be infantalised like this? To have someone pick up after them and clean up after them and be in charge of washing their socks and underpants? I honestly couldn't stand it if someone took charge of this aspect of my life, WHY WHY WHY do men seem to find it so easy? And if not easy, then some sort of God-given right?

He is buying her services as a maid then

Odd but if she would rather have the spending money then fair enough.

Sounds a bit immature

I don't think it's right that you should be doing everything.

It's worrying for your future that he believes so.

You have been warned.......

The couple do not have children. Her salary is hers and his is his, but he earns significantly more.

Seems a bit unbalanced to me. He works more hours and covers all bills, she works fewer hours but keeps all of her (lower) wage. I'd say she should be doing more of the housework. If she's home at 3pm and there are no DCs to look after, but he's working a 12 hour shift and paying all of the bills, I wouldn't expect him to do housework when he gets home at 8pm or whenever. I'd take the same view if the genders were reversed, too.

Sounds like an unbalanced relationship to me. If the couple are committed and strong, pool (financial) resources, and share the housework - maybe not 50:50, but 100:0 isn't on in my opinion.

At this point in time, the womam is starting out in her career whilst he is established in his and he pays for the living expenses as a reflection of this but tells her least she can do is ensure the home is clean and in order.

Just thinking if she makes no financial contribution, he might think that he's justified in doing no housework...
I don't think an equal financial contribution is fair when there's a significant income disparity, btw.
Pro rata to income is fair to me.

Is all money pooled together and what is left after rent and bills split in half?

So why doesn't she contribute her 'spending' money to ensure there is a balance. If he's paying for everything then yes he is justified.

Not at the moment.

Tbh if he's paying for all the household bills I think he's got a fair point.

Is there a significant age gap?

I would hate that - he's buying her. And he doesn't work crazy hours either - I would have more sympathy if he worked long hours, travelled a lot etc. As it is he has three clear days every week

Dh earns considerably more than me but we have always pooled our money - no 'I've paid for this and you've paid for that' as it was merged money.

Thanks for your honesty Milk.

She should make a financial contribution. He should make a housework contribution.
They are both wrong.

Would be fairer if the woman paid proportionately towards the bills and rent and food.

And housework, shopping and cooking should be split too.

There's a five year age gap but both are still young - twenties. She is 22, he is 27.

Out of interest, what does 'the woman' (it's you, isn't it, OP ) think would be a fair distribution of housework? What terms is she prepared to negotiate?

If the "she" was the "he" he'd be called a cocklodger on here

Do you mean all cleaning, washing, cooking, shopping?

Or just making sure the house is tidy?

Milk exactly. Exactly.

Tamara I think 'she' doesn't mind the housework but hates being told she has to and really hates being hauled up when something isn't done to his standards.

Pay your share. It gives you a leg to stand on.

Household chores should almost always be shared imo, but it'll be shared in different ways depending on what suits the couple...

So for example:
Person A home by 4pm 5 days a week and has 2 days off
Person B does 4 long days and has 3 days off
B does not have to do anything on their 4 long working days. 'A' comes home, sorts dinner out, keeps on top of the day to day stuff (putting a wash on, tidying up, little and often) on those 4 days.
Day 5, A is at work and B is off. B spends a couple of hours on household stuff. Either person can cook dinner.
Day 6/7 - everyone is free to enjoy their weekend because they've both contributed to running the house and everything's done. It is of no relevance who is female and who is male in this set-up. Happy days.