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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said something re. shoplifter...

213 replies

escapedfrommordor · 03/02/2016 16:43

This has been playing on my mind since this morning.
I was doing the food shop and I saw a lady in the baby aisle. You know when you radar sort of goes off? Her behaviour just seemed "off" and I saw her pick up a bunch of baby food pouches and walk off to the next aisle. Straight after that I saw her walk between two tills and out of the exit. She didn't have any bags or anything and there were no other tills open.
I said to the lady on the till "Sorry I think that lady has just left with a load of baby food and not paid..." and she just kinda shrugged it off! She said "Oh I'll remember her face for next time."
I went back to my shopping and then paid at the till the member of staff was on and we chatted about it. She seemed to be of the opinion she must be desperate if she's stealing baby food and that it was sad.
Would you have said something or assume she was in dire need and ignored it? Wondering if I'm just a bit heartless..

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 23:51

She might be but it doesn't mean I have to give a toss. She risks being arrested if she steals. Then her child could be taken away, social services involved....

I find it slightly shocking that anyone who reports someone for stealing, benefit fraud etc is considered to be a shit of the highest order but the perpetrators are fine, just doing what they need to do.

This isn't the real world. Most people would report a crime I hope. And I'm sorry but the PP above saying they would rather risk ten scam artists - I would rather risk not helping ten decent people than one scam artist.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 23:56

And the idea of the cash pot:

  1. Who funds it?
  1. Who keeps funding it every time people have robbed it?

I have tried to understand but I truly don't have that level of compassion. All you do is leave yourself open to be scammed by some scumbag - many people are not decent and selfless, they are out for what they can get (including thieving it if necessary) and to think otherwise seems naive.

BloodyEnderDragons · 04/02/2016 00:12

Oh no, don't misunderstand please. I don't think that of people reporting a crime neither do I think stealing is a good thing.

I tried (failed) to stop a shoplifter in a small independent shop just last week.

High-value homewares isn't the same as a few jars of baby food.

HaveIGotAClue · 04/02/2016 00:14

I'd have kept my snout well out.

kali110 · 04/02/2016 00:48

LiviaDrusillaAugusta i don't blame staff for not doing anything. I worked retail for years and was told unless you saw a person shoplifting, you couldn't do anything.
Just because another customer tells you they are, it doesn't count.
It's the job of the security guard to watch and see people shoplifting.
No it is not the staffs responsibility.
If i worked in a shop i wouldn't expect to have to do it, i wouldn't put it past shoplifters to try and assault staff.

I love the fact that people wouldn't report if it was a big shop, ie tesco but would if it were a smaller shop!!
You do realise that people actually work these big shops?
The more the shops lose in theft, the less jobs?
Does that not matter? Shops lose so much to theft yet people seem to think this is ok, yet this means they don't have enough money to offer shops in the new year.
I think it's really sad.

kali110 · 04/02/2016 00:52

unimaginativename13 yes have to admit it's not really an oddity to see baby food and formula being sold on my
Local pages either!

Crazypetlady · 04/02/2016 00:55

I feel like some of the people on this thread model themselves on Javert. Most people that would steal are doing it for their babies so they can eat.

MsJamieFraser · 04/02/2016 02:28

You actually don't knowing she shop lifted! Yes you seen her pick up some food and go to the other aisle... But did you actually see her shop lifting them?

She may have been acting strange as the choice for babies food is overwhelming and it may have been her first time picking the food... She than may have got to the next aisle and then just put ten back and walked out.

Your making assumption, because frankly if you did not see her shoplift the food then all your going on is behaviour, and there could be a million in one ways why she was behaving the way she was!

BloodyEnderDragons · 04/02/2016 07:45

Kali you mean me?

That wasn't what I said. What I was talking about was the need. The need of food for a hungry baby vs the need for a high value, nice ornament for the home. As an example.

What's greater?

BloodyEnderDragons · 04/02/2016 07:49

But actually, yes.

Smaller shops find it harder to survive the economic battle against the big chains so yes I do think it's more important to stop a thief in the small, independent shop rather than in the big, billionaire-owned (but often minimum-wage paying) supermarkets.

MLGs · 04/02/2016 07:53

I wouldn't have said anything. Especially in this situation with the baby food.

I have noticed someone shoplifting before and ignored. It was a homeless looking man stealing sandwiches (or similar) and I just thought good luck to him.

MLGs · 04/02/2016 07:59

Wouldn't judge someone who did report either though.

Owllady · 04/02/2016 08:40

The people that irritate me the most are people who train their children to steal. One family taught their pre school child how to steal. They stood outside the shop and sent her in :(

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/02/2016 08:42

Mitigating circumstances are always taken into account in a court of law so no two cases of stealing are the same.
To say 'stealing is stealing, I don't give a toss, ' demonstrates a very simplified view of the world.

51howdidthathappen · 04/02/2016 08:44

No I would not have said anything. I would have been upset about it, my heart would have gone out to the woman.

I really don't think a lot of people realise how tough things are for many people. Sadly they don't give a shit either.

I remember years ago in the press, a very wealthy man lost his business, he hid it from his family for as long as possible, then took his own life. Look how he may have been treated if he stole a loaf of bread instead, by some.

BloodyEnderDragons · 04/02/2016 08:59

Oh owllady that's terrible.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/02/2016 10:40

Well they (staff) clearly didnt give a shiny shit, so Why should you. I'd have just turned a blind eye. TBH.

Hillingdon · 04/02/2016 11:52

I do think there are people on this thread who think there is acceptable levels of stealing...

What do people think of the man who stole a laptop from the hospital his sick child was in and then blamed the 9 year old who was fighting cancer. He had 4 kids. Never worked, neither did his partner. They have now split up.

He was caught flogging the laptops on eBay. Is someone going to say we should have sympathy because he only did it to feed his children?

What a scumbag!

AnUtterIdiot · 04/02/2016 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 04/02/2016 12:08

I'm finding it funny that every time I pick things up, on the way to get something essential, then they don't have it, so I dump the things I have, I'm thought to be shoplifting by someone.

I try on clothes and put them back to compare the sizing etc and then order in C&C.

Massive assumption made.

I wouldn't report someone for shoplifting.

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 12:41

Nothing is ever "always wrong". It's more nuanced than that, and those (many people) who don't understand that merely have an underdeveloped moral code as well as a distinct lack of imagination.

I could give a hundred examples of stealing that isn't automatically just "wrong" (to who, anyway? As if it is somehow a universal fact)

If your child is desperately ill and I have the medicine to make them better, and I don't need it, I just don't want to give it to you, are you wrong to steal it from me? Would you do it anyway?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/02/2016 12:59

I have enough imagination to understand why some things may be more acceptable than others (although they are still illegal) but I truly don't give a toss about protecting some stranger who may or may not be on hard times. That's lack of empathy, not lack of imagination!

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 13:04

Hardly something to brag about. In fact its worse if you have the capacity to understand and still not care.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/02/2016 13:16

I'm not bragging - just stating a fact. People like that affect other people's jobs and lives, presumably they understand that but don't have a lot of empathy for them.

ZiggyFartdust · 04/02/2016 13:48

Someone stealing babyfood from Tesco doesn't affect your life in anyway, even if you work in Tesco. You might want to be more upset about Tesco stealing from the tax base and the labour force with their incredibly dody work practices before you worry about this.