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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said something re. shoplifter...

213 replies

escapedfrommordor · 03/02/2016 16:43

This has been playing on my mind since this morning.
I was doing the food shop and I saw a lady in the baby aisle. You know when you radar sort of goes off? Her behaviour just seemed "off" and I saw her pick up a bunch of baby food pouches and walk off to the next aisle. Straight after that I saw her walk between two tills and out of the exit. She didn't have any bags or anything and there were no other tills open.
I said to the lady on the till "Sorry I think that lady has just left with a load of baby food and not paid..." and she just kinda shrugged it off! She said "Oh I'll remember her face for next time."
I went back to my shopping and then paid at the till the member of staff was on and we chatted about it. She seemed to be of the opinion she must be desperate if she's stealing baby food and that it was sad.
Would you have said something or assume she was in dire need and ignored it? Wondering if I'm just a bit heartless..

OP posts:
formerbabe · 03/02/2016 18:18

Stealing is stealing

No it really isn't. Someone stealing goods to sell on in order to fund a lavish lifestyle is very different to someone whose living in poverty stealing a loaf of bread to feed their children. Can you not see that?

charliebambi · 03/02/2016 18:20

My DH used to be a security guard for a big supermarket. One time he stopped a man in the car park who'd walked out with a trolley and not paid. The very large man broke down and said he'd lost his job and couldn't afford to feed his kids. My DH looked in the trolley and it was all value range food and basics to feed his family.
Stealing is wrong but my DH felt so bad he offered to pay for the mans shop. And the jobs worth arsehole of a manager wouldn't allow it and pressed charges. THAT is heartless.
I think sobbing to a security guard in a supermarket car park because you can't provide for your wife and kids is punishment enough Sad

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 03/02/2016 18:23

Stealing is stealing - No it really isn't. Someone stealing goods to sell on in order to fund a lavish lifestyle is very different to someone whose living in poverty stealing a loaf of bread to feed their children. Can you not see that?

So how do you tell the difference? How do you know who is stealing to fund a lavish lifestyle, and who is stealing to feed their children?

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/02/2016 18:24

Maybe she forgot her purse, realised and left the food on a shelf in the next aisle? Or did you follow her and know 100% that she walked out with the goods?

formerbabe · 03/02/2016 18:26

So how do you tell the difference? How do you know who is stealing to fund a lavish lifestyle, and who is stealing to feed their children?

By using your common sense. Someone stealing a pint of milk is probably not living in the lap of luxury.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 18:27

Of course I can see the difference but so what? I know that in MN world it's okay to steal to feed your children in the real world it really isn't. You don't go from comfortably off to broke enough to steal overnight. What chance have the kids got when their parents can't provide for them?

ImperialBlether · 03/02/2016 18:29

I spoke to a shop assistant in M&S today (if she's a Mumsnetter then hello!) We were talking about plastic bags. I said in supermarkets now you see people going out with a pile of food and I don't know how the security guards know who's paid for what. She said that in M&S there are cameras everywhere - more now because of the bags. She said they can see absolutely everything and loads of people are getting caught.

I was only talking about it because I found it interesting and halfway through I wondered if she thought I was trying to find out information! I wasn't (if you're reading this, nice shop assistant Grin)

Veritat · 03/02/2016 18:30

A friend of mine regularly finds herself being followed round shops by store detectives due to the crime of having brown skin. A couple of times she's seen someone blatantly shoplifting and has taken pleasure in waiting to let them get away before turning round and pointing out to the detective what he'd missed.

Owllady · 03/02/2016 18:30

You're all heart Shock

formerbabe · 03/02/2016 18:34

I know that in MN world it's okay to steal to feed your children in the real world it really isn't.

It's not "ok" but it is preferable to watching your children starve.

You don't go from comfortably off to broke enough to steal overnight

No but you could go from "just about scraping by" to "broke enough to steal" pretty quickly I'd imagine.

Wardrobespierre · 03/02/2016 18:36

DH is a copper. One of his first jobs was a call out to a shop lifter, a young mum and toddler. She'd nicked a value white loaf and a tin of fucking beans.

It's interesting how we judge isn't it? There's an expected shift in morals in children which you can chart with exactly these sorts of situations. For example, a man's wife is dying and a pharmaceutical company has a cure. The husband's life savings are treble the manufacturing price of the cure. The pharmaceutical company says no and will only sell for ten times the price. The man steals the cure and leaves his life savings in its place. Is he wrong? Young children will say it's simple and yes he's wrong. Theft is theft. Older children and teens we expect to be considerate of shades of grey. Some people never move beyond the black and white and actually, that's not such a good thing.

Theft is theft sure. However, mitigating circumstances are even represented in law. Because we're humans. Thankfully.

Original poster
escapedfrommordor · 03/02/2016 18:38

Sorry to clarify a few points
When I said no bags I meant no carrier bags, she had a handbag.
Maybe she die dump them, I hadn't considered that.
I suppose it's naive of me to think she could have just gone to a food bank, I assumed they were fairly easy to access.
Thank you for the opinions, positive and not so positive. Perhaps if I see something similar again I won't immediately jump to the same conclusion.

OP posts:
Original poster
escapedfrommordor · 03/02/2016 18:38

*did dump them

OP posts:
Crazypetlady · 03/02/2016 19:03

YABU we need to have a heart here it was baby food, she could be going hungry herself and not wanting her baby to starve. It was hardly two bottles of vodka. I think you need to take a long look at yourself.
I am coming across as a nob in this post but I can't comprehend why anybody would dream of reporting someone stealing baby food that was probably for their hungry child.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 19:06

You are assuming it's a mother trying to feed her starving child. It could easily be a woman who has spent her money on other stuff and is irresponsible. None of us will know, I just don't tend to give sticky fingered people the benefit of the doubt.

Namechange02 · 03/02/2016 19:07

You don't go from comfortably off to broke enough to steal overnight.

You do if you lose your job, or your breadwinning spouse is ill or dies or walks out! It really can happen overnight (or within weeks). You can earn enough to manage, then you lose your job, benefits take a few weeks to come in, you've no savings, rent has to be paid and no money for food.

People really don't get it.

There's no evidence she even took anything. I've taken things off a shelf, left them on another shelf and walked out. I was guilty of noting more than laziness in not walking back to the original shelf to replace them. But if she did, and it was out of desperation, I'm not going to condemn her.

You can tell the posters on here who would have agreed with transportation or worse for stealing some bread...

Broken1Girl · 03/02/2016 19:11

For example, a man's wife is dying and a pharmaceutical company has a cure. The husband's life savings are treble the manufacturing price of the cure. The pharmaceutical company says no and will only sell for ten times the price. The man steals the cure and leaves his life savings in its place. Is he wrong? Young children will say it's simple and yes he's wrong. Theft is theft. Older children and teens we expect to be considerate of shades of grey. Some people never move beyond the black and white and actually, that's not such a good thing.
This.

I am heartened that many posters do have some compassion for desperate people.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 19:13

But you don't know if she was desperate or dishonest!

Savagebeauty · 03/02/2016 19:17

I would always report a shoplifter. And have done.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 19:19

Good for you - let the courts deal with the mitigation in the unlikely event there is some

ClarenceTheLion · 03/02/2016 19:19

She may have decided to put the stuff down and leave without it. You didn't see her pocket anything.

And btw, I have also 'committed the crime' of having brown skin, and I never get followed. Perhaps your friend just looks shifty? Excellent eyesight though to catch so many shoplifters while being tailed herself. I'm in my mid forties and I've never seen one!

catsinthecraddle · 03/02/2016 19:20

You do realise that the man stealing your car right now, or your grand-mother's handbag , or even the Christmas toys in GOSH will tell you he sells the items to feed his kids? Is it more acceptable to steal from a supermarket because you cut the middle man?
Have you not seen adds on Facebook or other offering baby food at discounted price because "the baby doesn't like the flavour anymore"?

We have women shelters, a more than generous benefit system, charities and the list goes on if you need help. You do not need to steal in this country to survive, far from it. No sympathy from me at all IF this woman was stealing. I have no idea if she was or not.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 19:23

And if she put the stuff back she would have nothing to worry about if she was stopped. I think it's disgusting that the staff won't deal with sticky fingers, regardless of who they are or their 'motives'

And yes, burglars, drug dealers etc do it to 'feed their families' so let's just not bother prosecuting anyone for committing a crime because they probably don't mean it really and it's very hard for them.

PersephonePitstop · 03/02/2016 19:26

Your DH sounds lovely, charliebambi. Smile

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 19:27

Sounds like he's in the wrong job!