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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said something re. shoplifter...

213 replies

escapedfrommordor · 03/02/2016 16:43

This has been playing on my mind since this morning.
I was doing the food shop and I saw a lady in the baby aisle. You know when you radar sort of goes off? Her behaviour just seemed "off" and I saw her pick up a bunch of baby food pouches and walk off to the next aisle. Straight after that I saw her walk between two tills and out of the exit. She didn't have any bags or anything and there were no other tills open.
I said to the lady on the till "Sorry I think that lady has just left with a load of baby food and not paid..." and she just kinda shrugged it off! She said "Oh I'll remember her face for next time."
I went back to my shopping and then paid at the till the member of staff was on and we chatted about it. She seemed to be of the opinion she must be desperate if she's stealing baby food and that it was sad.
Would you have said something or assume she was in dire need and ignored it? Wondering if I'm just a bit heartless..

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 03/02/2016 20:27

Wouldn't even have occurred to me she'd stolen it unless I'd seen it go in her bag I would have thought she'd dumped.

I think YABVU to have accused someone of shoplifting when you didn't actually see her stealing it. I think a member of staff needs to see them stealing anyway, they are never going to stop someone because another amateur sleuth customer said they THINK someone MIGHT have taken something.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 03/02/2016 20:30

But baby food is in no way helpful to a drug addict

Of course it is. They will sell it and use the money for drugs. Confused

On our local community selling website, there are often baby foods/pet foods/unwanted baby gifts with swing tags still attached. Copious and unusual amounts of them.
And although I'm not a particular fan of Tesco, why is it acceptable to steal from them, as opposed to stealing from anyone else?
I've been on my uppers in the past, lived in B&B for a year, not knowing when or where my next meal was going to come from. Yet surprisingly, it would not have occurred to me to steal.

BloodyEnderDragons · 03/02/2016 20:32

I wouldn't have said anything. I was in a position when my child was very young where it crossed my mind...I didn't, but I can understand the sheer panic of being unable to buy baby food.

Owllady · 03/02/2016 20:33

Livia, have you ever worked or managed a shop? I see you've mentioned staff being disgusting earlier on for not confronting, but I just wondered if you have experience of the consequences and the following legalities?

I'm not going to be specific, but on more than one occasion I've had staff confront and retaliate to violence and come off worse off physically and also criminally. I had a member of staff charged for assault whilst the perpetrator got a drug rehab place (most probably what they needed) I'm not sure for staff on flexible minimum wage jobs that it is worth it. Police don't care and don't respond quick enough. Most small stores don't have security.

Drug dealers generally trial to fill baskets and run so they are easier to intercept, mainly because I don't think they realise how slow/obvious they are and tbh the drunk/druggies are easier to remove as they are two shades to the wind, so not as much as a threat.

But we're talking about a young mum with a couple of packets of baby food here.

BloodyEnderDragons · 03/02/2016 20:33

I did take a toilet roll from a tesco toilet once.

charliebambi · 03/02/2016 20:40

Small packets of baby food are worth a pittance sold on. If they are going to steal baby products for drug money they wouldn't steal sachets or jars of baby food because they'd need an awful lot to even make a tenner. If it had been formula maybe but not sachets of baby food Confused

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 20:40

Owllady Yes I have - and worked in pubs and cinemas (so dealt with stealing and fighting). If it was genuinely fear for their own safety then I suppose that's some excuse but if it's just that they felt sorry for her then that is not a reason not to act.

And with the attitude on this thread, doesn't that show that young mums will find it easier to get away with shoplifting (or indeed all treated suspiciously)?

Yes it's sad if someone is struggling to feed their family but they don't have the right to take from other people's families directly or indirectly.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 20:42

Oh so they must be innocent then! If you are happy to have people take advantage of your compassion that's fine ( you and your DH both sound like kind people ) but that isn't necessarily a good thing.

ohtheholidays · 03/02/2016 20:43

No I wouldn't have said anything,there but for the Grace of God go I is how we were raised.

People that shoplift for a drug habit do not steal a few pouches of baby food,they take joints of meat(that's why you'll find things like large legs of lamb inside plastic boxes that have to be unlocked),large jars of expensive coffee,aftershave,perfume,the more expensive razors and blades,alcohol,make-up,expensive face and body stuff(creams ect)all things that are usually easier to hide and will give them a good return money wise and yes I do know that for a fact from having grown up knowing people that are addicts and some still are.

The only thoughts that would have crossed my mind was that poor women that times are so hard for her that she's struggling to feed her baby.I've been there myself,I left an abusive marriage,I had two young children,money was so tight I went from a size 12 to a size 6 within a month.I could feed my DC but I couldn't afford to feed myself.It does happen!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 20:47

I still think the reason is irrelevant - it's a scummy thing to do. I can't feel compassion for someone unless I have a reason. That isn't a reason. And yes I'm cold hearted but that's just the way it is!

MrsSparkles · 03/02/2016 20:52

Maybe I'm just cynical! But I've heard every excuse known to man. Just something that affects me personally so I feel quite strongly about it. But it doesn't mean I'm not compassionate in many other ways!

Owllady · 03/02/2016 21:01

Thanks for explaining livia. I haven't always turned a blind eye fwiw. Most people when confronted will give back or put back what they have taken anyway, as you know. Especially little blocks of cheese in wax jacket pockets

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 21:04

Cheese?

charliebambi · 03/02/2016 21:05

Being so desperate to feed your kids that you steal makes you a scumbag Hmm certainly in keeping with the massive judgemental side of MN I have seen so far. Anybody who says they wouldn't steal food for their kids if they had absolutely no other option is lying in my opinion. But that's my opinion

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 21:07

I'm cynical, I admit it. It works for me - saves the hassle of people taking advantage

Owllady · 03/02/2016 21:10

Yes cheese
i challenege you all to watch old blokes in wax jackets by the cheese in supermarkets
i bet waitrose is rife for thisWink

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 21:14

Oh now I have to go to Waitrose for my lunch hour Grin

AndNowItsSeven · 03/02/2016 21:16

charliebambi your dh sounds lovely.

SaucyJack · 03/02/2016 22:21

"I still think the reason is irrelevant - it's a scummy thing to do. I can't feel compassion for someone unless I have a reason. That isn't a reason. And yes I'm cold hearted but that's just the way it is!"

Same here actually. I don't necessarily feel sorry for the woman involved.

But I can only too well imagine a baby growing up in the sort of chaotic environment where a stolen food pouch is all they get to eat, and I feel very, very sad for that hypothetical child.

Euripidesralph · 03/02/2016 23:11

Lol I have really got to comment on some of the really odd statements

(Fifteen years working with some of the toughest addicts in the country so I'm certainly not all knowing but I've got some good insight)

Drug DEALERS don't as a rule nick baby food.... seriously the clues in the name ... They already have a job .... A morally bereft one granted but still

Secondly to steal baby food then sell on is a level of forethought unlikely in an addict. . It takes too long to get the money... forget the usual immediate physical need for drugs or alcohol but an addict by nature thinks in terms of immediate gratification .... They in active addiction struggle with long and medium term goal reasoning. .... its just not going to happen ... although granted a mother could have spent her money on using and then need to get her hold food by stealing

And see for me there is the rub

I have a law degree , I've spent my adult life working for the authorities and believe the law is the law ..... but if it is a choice between me speaking up and a child eating? Bloody hell quiet in here isn't it?

I never condone breaking the law , and if the mother is caught then frankly she will have to pay the price but I going to choose at that moment to risk a child going hungry? Even if there's a chance it's a scam... ? Nope ... The risk is too great, I'd rather a child ate

I've handed clients in myself for nicking booze and electronics but I've also handed my own money out for a tin of formula when a mother (yes they were using ) was desperate

The children should never pay ..... I'd rather risk ten scam artists than one child who had no other food available to them

You're right some of you .... We have social services , we have food banks but none of it happens quickly and I've known many a homeless mother or addict mother be desperate in the now and have no option .... you may hate how the mother got to that point and fair enough but it's never the child's fault

Just my twopennorth and I'm certainly not saying I'm right but it's always been my thought process on this

ZiggyFartdust · 03/02/2016 23:14

there aren't degrees of stealing. Stealing is stealing

Bollocks. Thats the moral reasoning of an 8 year old.

Stealing to fund a lavish style and stealing to feed your children is not the same. Of course there are degrees, anyone who can't see that is a fool. A heartless fool at that.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 23:22

Yes because the bad people are the ones who would report someone for stealing - funny how that's not actually a crime. I'm going to judge someone who steals to 'feed their child' just as much as someone who steals because they are an addict. If it means that they get caught then that's the risk they take by doing it. They are responsible for that wellbeing of their child - which includes not doing something to be arrested for.

So I wouldn't assume that someone was desperate and actually I wouldn't give a toss if they were.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/02/2016 23:23

And the children pay anyway, one way or another, if they have that kind of life. It's sad and all that but it's the parents' responsibility.

BloodyEnderDragons · 03/02/2016 23:38

This has mad me so sad. Such a lack of compassion and even the will to try to understand coming from some responses here.

I expected more, to be honest. We're all humans together, completely and utterly broke or loaded. We all need to eat, we certainly all need to nurture and care for our babies.

I'd like to see supermarkets have a cash pot of donations for people who feel the need to steal things like baby food, children's shoes, medicine, nappies, sanitary products...

BloodyEnderDragons · 03/02/2016 23:41

What kind of life, Livia? Why the assumption that 'that kind of life' is occurring? Why can't it be that the lady stealing wasn't once a high-flying lawyer now fallen on hard times?

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