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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be flabbergasted by this?

300 replies

Cloudhopping · 03/02/2016 12:59

My dd is in year 5 of a village school, which we are really happy with. As it's small, I know most of the parents at the school. My dd is learning about Islam as part of RE and is today visiting a Mosque as part of this. Some of the parents have not consented to their children going as they don't want their children visiting a mosque. I'm not sure of the exact reasons and realise I am making some assumptions here, but am I being unreasonable to be shocked by this attitude?

OP posts:
SweetAngels · 04/02/2016 18:00

Also men and women are treated differently in every society, more so in others but that's how it is.
Women here get 12months maternity leave a man just 2 weeks, if we were truly equal I should be able to choose to stay at home until my kids are done breastfeeding and then have my husband take some of that maternity leave as paternity leave so I can go to work if I choose.
Also the gender pay gap
Also the fact that most households women do majority of cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc... It's naive and ridiculous to point a finger at another culture/ religion and say we're better because the grass is generally never greener , IMO, different ways just have different pros and cons that's all

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2016 18:05

Sweet I don't have any misconceptions about what happens in a Mosque, it's not just about what happens there for me but what it represents. And it represents everything I'm against - a religion that view women and men differently regardless of the way non-Muslim boys and girls are treated on a visit.

Hippahippahey · 04/02/2016 18:09

Yes but sweet in all those examples that you've posted sexism is challenged, in Islam it is not and never will be because when the faith is called out on it people are labelled racist, narrow minded and all the other derogatory terms bandied about this thread.

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2016 18:10

Most households the women do the majority of the housework? Really? And you know this how? Someone's obviously not told my DH this and thankfully Im raising my sons not to expect housework to be all "women's work".

Hippahippahey · 04/02/2016 18:22

Also sweet if your in the uk you might want to look at the relatively new shared parental leave.

As for your comment "that's how it is" should we not challenge racism or disability discrimination because these people will always be treated differently and that's just how it is?

Ditchthepitch · 04/02/2016 18:38

Laguna,

In mos households, wmen do indeed do most of the housework

www.mumsnet.com/surveys/chores-the-truth-about-who-does-what

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2016 18:43

Right so a Mumsnet survey of a 1000 is everyone then? That says just as much about the women as the men if they want to be in that type of relationship.

Ditchthepitch · 04/02/2016 18:49

Hippa,

europe has historically always viewed 'others' and 'their ways' as something to look down at. World war 2 anti semitism was not that long ago. The muslims are the latest target. We have learnt nothing.

Just too busy looking down our noses, patting ourselves on the back for all the shitstorms we have caused over the years. the british empire is steeped in the misery of all 'others'. We may be able to compare ourselves and think yeah, we are so much more enlightened than them, but if you read history, you will realise that we are still busy calling the world 'savages', because they are not like us. It is so embarassing watching these threads self congratulating and listing all that is wrong with islam. Not long ago, we were doing the same for jews. Look how that ended.

Ditchthepitch · 04/02/2016 18:54

Laguna, you have a problem with wmen who do more housework than men?

Hippahippahey · 04/02/2016 18:58

Ditch if you honestly think myself and the other posters on this thread who don't want our children visiting mosquesare on a par with ww2 and the Jews you are frankly deluded.

Ditchthepitch · 04/02/2016 18:59

Hippa,

Do you have a problem with visiting synagogues? The also have segregation.

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2016 19:04

No if they are happy to do so, everyone's circumstances are different. However judging by rather a lot of threads on here there are a lot of women not so happy that their DP/DH expect this of them.

Hippahippahey · 04/02/2016 19:08

If it was an orthodox practising synagogue then yes I would have a problem.

Hippahippahey · 04/02/2016 19:12

If of course the females were expected not to use the main enterance and to dress modestly and not dare look a man in the eye incase she's seen as provocative.

tomatodizzy · 04/02/2016 19:23

No YANBU, I thought the same when I was teaching and we were visiting a church as part of R.E. Some of the Muslim parents did not want their children visiting a church. I don't have the words in either direction, it is Sad, intolerant and ignorant.

Original poster
Cloudhopping · 04/02/2016 20:19

But Laguna you have said that a mosque represents everything I'm against I just don't understand why you find it perfectly acceptable therefore for your children to learn about Islam in a school setting when you don't know exactly what or how it's being taught but a visit to a mosque is totally unacceptable. I just don't understand. What do you think is going to happen if you do allow your child to visit a mosque? That they are suddenly going to turn into rampaging sexist idiots?

Nothing I've read on this thread has convinced me to rethink my decision to allow my child to go to a mosque and believe me I have tried to take on board each and every post (apart from the personal ones, and I agree with Laguna on those- totally unnecessary)

OP posts:
evilcherub · 04/02/2016 20:24

YABU. Maybe the parents are atheists and disagree with religion in general? Btw, quite a few of the Muslim children at my kids school did not go on a class trip to visit a synagogue.

Helmetbymidnight · 04/02/2016 20:32

Do Catholics allow women to be priests or pope? Are they ok to visit from a not wanting to see sexism perspective?

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2016 20:36

No of course I don't think they will turn into "rampaging sexist idiots" and nothing will happen. How hard is it really to unsetstand I simply wouldn't want them to go? If you want your children to go then great, no-one is trying to make you change your mind. At the end of the day we just think differently, that's all! Smile

evilcherub · 04/02/2016 20:39

Do the people who think the parents of children who do not want them to visit a mosque are racists/bigots think the same about Muslim parents who do not allow their children to visit non-Islamic places of worship? Are they also racists and bigots?

Helmetbymidnight · 04/02/2016 20:50

I would assume most of the refusers were, yes.

Is that so wrong?

Ditchthepitch · 04/02/2016 21:02

Cherub, I just think those muslim burka clad mums are very similar to you and laguna if they wont allow their chilren to a synagogue or church etc. You are not as enlightened or different as you guys like to think you are.

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2016 21:05

Where did I say I was enlightened or different just because I dont dupport sexism? Are you one of the posters calling me a racist then for not allowing my children to visit a Mosque?

evilcherub · 04/02/2016 21:15

Ditch. I have not said I would't let my child visit a place of worship. I was merely expressing an opinion on why the OPs fellow parents might not. Not everything is about racism/Islamophobia. There could be loads of reasons why parents don't want their children to go on school trips. Since the UK is a very secular/atheist country now, I imagine a lot of parents don't want their children going to any religious places of worship which is understandable if they don't believe in religion.

Ditchthepitch · 04/02/2016 21:34

No i am the poster who has read your posts and realised how you look down on those who are not like you. you say you dont like sexism, but were very quick to judge those women who are not like you.

And i quote:

Right so a Mumsnet survey of a 1000 is everyone then? That says just as much about the women as the men if they want to be in that type of relationship

You have no idea why women are making choices or not having a choice. You just want to pass your nasty judgements. We all know that women do majority of the housework. I can bring up more stats and surveys if you wish to be so blind to that fact. Just on that point, you sound so ignorant at what us going on around you and here you are casting judgement on a mosque and alleged sexism in a mosque - something you know so little about.

Just because your circumstances might be different, gives you no right to look down your nose at those women who are doing majority of the housework. Who are you to decide whether these women are oppressed by housework and just living under subjugation of their sexist men. Or are these women just so oppressed that they dont even know it and they need saving.

If you started a thread about all those relationships where women are doing more housework than men titled in your own words
'That says just as much about the women as the men if they want to be in that type of relationship' then you would get your arse handed to you on a plate. And rightly so.

I dont know whether you are racist, but you certainly are arrogant.

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