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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
BunnyTyler · 02/02/2016 14:35

Do you work your 16 hours in the evenings?
Is your partner doing his 12 hours during the day?

He could do any number of jobs whisky doing a very part time course like that. Has he been round every pub, restaurant, hotel, garage, fast food outlet etc asking if they need anyone?

He's really not pulling his weight at all, is he?

And he tells you you're podgy, whilst not 'babysitting'?

You deserve much, much more than this.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/02/2016 14:35

The job centre have said 30 minutes is the minimum travelling time before sanctions not the maximum!
You aren't lazy no, your dp is.

Shutthatdoor · 02/02/2016 14:35

a start is better than doing nothing surely?

No one is saying it isn't.

However what are your DP plans? Looking for a job every 2 days really really isn't enough.

What is he going to do when the course closes?

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 14:35

I'm not remotely bitter! Grin I have a professional job which I mostly enjoy.

I think the idea of just not bothering to take anything until the perfect job comes up is selfish and indulgent. I think the idea of contemplating a second child when you cannot financially support the one you have is bizzare!

Many people are living in poverty in this country and reliant on benefits. (Many of them working) It's nothing to be ashamed of as that's what the system is there for. However, the idea of continuing to have babies to avoid being forced to take a job simply because it's not your dream job is a very self centred one. Not least having a baby with a man who is selfish and insults you.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 14:35

Humpty it's often not possible to work and gain a qualification and be a mum and have mental health problems without breaking.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 14:37

He doesn't help out because there isn't really much to help out to, obviously he bathes, feeds, changes our son but our son goes to child minder. So he doesn't help there I used the word babysitting because I was typing in a rush I wish people would shut the fuck up about that
I want another child because my life is shit as it is. Don't see me getting anything good from it from a long time, might as well fuck it up a bit more along the way

OP posts:
unimaginativename13 · 02/02/2016 14:38

No McDonalds in a whole city Hmm

Nottodaythankyouorever · 02/02/2016 14:38

ignore the smug people on here.

Just because you don't agree with something people say it isn't bitter or smug! It is called a difference of opinion.

PrivatePike · 02/02/2016 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CallaLilli · 02/02/2016 14:39

And fuck up a child's life along the way too? Please seek help OP, it doesn't sound like you're in a good place.

BunnyTyler · 02/02/2016 14:40

Aaah...
CatsMeow - you're 21 with a young child.
That explains why you think you know it all.

Most of the posters on this thread who you are calling bitter and judgemental have years of working & life experience behind them.

Doing 12 hours a week over 3 days is a very part time course - leaving plenty of time for a job (any job) to bring in money.
OP should not be contemplating bringing a baby into the current set up at all.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 14:40

He would take a job if one came up but there isn't any coming up, once you've been out of employment for a long time it's hard to get back in.
No, the job centre said to us at our last meeting to not apply for any jobs that require 30 minutes of travelling, we live in a very very small village so it's quite hard,

OP posts:
HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 02/02/2016 14:40

Humpty it's often not possible to work and gain a qualification and be a mum and have mental health problems without breaking.

Please don't lecture me about MH. I am quite aware of issues around MH and being a mum.

Brightnorthernlights · 02/02/2016 14:41

'I want another child because my life is shit as it is......'

OK.

BunnyTyler · 02/02/2016 14:42

Not the best reason to decide to have a baby really.

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 14:43

Op, you've just said you want another baby so are wondering whether to have that baby now or later. I'm afraid you don't have that choice open to you. Well you do, physically and legally but certainly not morally.

You cannot afford another baby therefore you should not even be considering that as an option.

I'm all for the welfare state but what you are basically saying is that you would like the state to pay for another child of yours whilst neither you nor that child's father is contributing via tax. Your other child is here and it's right that your family unit is financially assisted at this time. But to oh so casually talk about increasing that burden is ludicrous!

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 14:43

Bunny that doesn't make them right. Years of experience doesn't give them the right to look down on people and berate them.

Humpty then you understand why that's not possible for some people

PrivatePike · 02/02/2016 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 02/02/2016 14:45

Humpty then you understand why that's not possible for some people

Key word there is some. For many it is.

however no doubt you will turn this around and twist it somehow

BunnyTyler · 02/02/2016 14:46

Nobody is looking down and berating.

They're simply saying that her partner should get a job, any job and stop dicking about thinking that 12 hours a week is enough to support his family.

Why is he only looking at the job site every 2 days?
Why is he not trawling round every possible place to look for work?

BunnyTyler · 02/02/2016 14:47

And 16 hrs a week cleaning isn't exactly 'back breaking' as stated earlier.

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 14:48

But DH and I have been together since we were 20. We married shortly after university but didn't even contemplate having a baby until mid 30s (36) as we knew we couldn't afford it. We would have liked a baby before this but it wasn't the right thing to do as we couldn't provide for them.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 14:48

It is when they are fucking filthy. And when you have no drive, no motivation to even life then yes it fucking is
Can mn close this

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 14:48

"I had to do a crap job I don't enjoy so you should too.". Bitterness. Right-o

What a ridiculous comment-as if everyone walks into their dream job and does nothing else for the rest of their lives. I've done all sorts of crap jobs to support myself while studying/looking for long term career jobs. The worst was working in a sausage factory. My Oxbridge educated husband cleaned rivers while he was looking for his dream job.

If you are capable, if you have bills to pay and have someone to support (even if it is just yourself) you should take any job you can get until you can get your ideal job. That's what grown ups do.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 14:49

Bunny people on benefits have to spend all their spare time grovelling for jobs?

And it's a manual job, it's pretty tiring actually.