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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends Crashing Our Holiday (sort of)

347 replies

PinkFairy22 · 01/02/2016 12:55

DH has done some work for our friend's parents. The work went well, the parents were very happy (and paid for it, in case that's relevant.).

The parents have a large holiday house in Cornwall which they often rent out and, as a thank you, have offered it to us - free- for a week over Easter. Totally unexpected and very kind of them.

We've confirmed the dates and arranged travel, car hire etc. Got a text last night from my friend saying "surprise, we're coming too". There's plenty of room in the house, so it's not going to be a space issue.

I'm really gutted, as I was really looking forward to a family break. We get on well with these friends, but have never been away with them - or even contemplated it tbh. Our kids get on ok but not brilliantly.

AIBU to feel so gutted?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 01/02/2016 14:47

You really can't say anything about having invited your relatives (unless the original offer from the parent explicitly said "why don't you invite your families along"); you can't invite strangers along under this type of offer!

Exactly this. It would be one for the "Have you ever known anyone this cheeky?" thread, not quite on a par with the Mexican House Thief of blessed memory but pretty much up there. "We were so grateful and paying them didn't seem quite enough so we offered them a free week in our holiday home. Then we found out they'd invited their PIL and brother's family too and we haven't even met any of these people!" Everyone would agree that was taking the proverbial big-time. (Except for the one poster - there's always one - who leaves their door open all day and all night with a big plate of home-made mince pies and a jug of coffee on the kitchen table just in case any random stranger should wander by, and is aghast that not everyone else does the same.)

Cressandra · 01/02/2016 14:52

One option is to curtail your stay. You were offered a week, just do 4 days or whatever and a couple of nights in a premier inn or something because you've suddenly been seized by a mad fancy to visit relatives in Devon / go to Cheddar / Jurassic coast.

RhiWrites's text is a good one but later posters are right. There's no way of getting out of it that isn't open to being taken as a snub.

It's quite possible your friends don't really want to share it either, but have been told it's already promised to you.

pictish · 01/02/2016 14:55

This one is such a bummer. There's no reasonable way out.

Rafflesway · 01/02/2016 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 01/02/2016 15:00

If it's a big cottage, it's not one of those cottages that, by simply locking an internal door, can turn into 2 lets?

I think most PPs are right. You have two options:

  1. Cancel (which could seem rude anyway)
  2. Accept you'll be sharing the property, but try to have a good time.
AskingForAPal · 01/02/2016 15:03

TBH I can understand the OP's disappointment but I think you're being a bit cheeky, really.

You had no holiday planned, and you've now got a week's holiday by the sea in a free holiday house, probably saving you somewhere between £600-£1,100. Sure you've booked travel and car hire in advance, but I doubt it's that expensive booked so early. And you're getting the pip that the actual people who own the house (well, their kids but they probably see it as "theirs") will be coming too, to what is presumably an enormous house.

Well, you wouldn't be getting a £600-£1,100 discount on the holiday if it wasn't for their parents, and therefore would have either had to find that money somewhere or not have gone at all.

Being disappointed and either sucking it up or deciding to go and try to have fun = fine. Being really really annoyed about it and clearly feeling like they have no right to be there = a bit shitty IMO.

pictish · 01/02/2016 15:05

No it's not. I so don't agree.
It turns it from one holiday into another. I'd be well dis-chuffed.

AskingForAPal · 01/02/2016 15:05

*sorry, I meant "either cancelling or deciding to go and try to have fun"

MissGintyMarlow · 01/02/2016 15:05

Whoever said text and say "We really would feel bad intruding on your family holiday, perhaps we should go some other date" - I agree.

If they say the more the merrier, you prob should invent a work reason to cancel, you don't sound thrilled about this so it prob won't work./

PosieReturningParker · 01/02/2016 15:06

So you've been given a gift to say thank you and someone else has taken that away.

YANBU

Rafflesway · 01/02/2016 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 01/02/2016 15:09

It might be that the friend isn't crashing the holiday but had in fact already been promised the house on the same date, and the parents forgot (because it isn't booked in the formal way a letting is) or just love being a bit Lord and Lady of the Manor magnanimous and graciously offering the house out, and when you both wanted the same week said yes to both of you on the basis there is room, without even thinking of asking either of you whether you'd be OK with that, because after all they are generously offering you a free stay in their lovely holiday home...

Something similar happened to us with a family member offering out a 2 bed granny flat to two families of 4 and 5 respectively for the same week, without really thinking it through - actively offered it to one family and then said yes without thinking to the other, then instead of trying to get either family to change dates or stay elsewhere tried to find a way to make it work...

whois · 01/02/2016 15:09

I think honesty is the best policy here. Call the parents and say "sorry hadn't realised bill and Jane were going to be there at the same time. Love spending time with them but TBH at the moment we just need sometime together as a family alone. So thanks for the kind offer of the holiday home but I think we'll try and book somewhere else if you've already promised bill and Jane the holiday home that weekend"

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 01/02/2016 15:11

God I'd hate sharing!

Lemonski · 01/02/2016 15:13

I wonder Wether the friend wanted and expected the holiday home for Easter, approached their parents, discovered it had been let to the op and then just invited themselves along regardless. Just because they want to go.

Tough situation. Either sick it and go or cancel.

Heavens2Betsy · 01/02/2016 15:15

I can't believe how entitled some posters are being.
The holiday is a very generous gift and saving the OP a lot of money.
YABVVVU to be so ungrateful and churlish.
Either say you can't make it after all as something else has come up or BE NICE and enjoy the week away even if it is with another family.
You really can't make a fuss or say you have invited other people. That is just plain rude.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 01/02/2016 15:16

AskingForAPal they haven't had a discount on a holiday that they were going to take anyway, they have booked time off and car hire for a holiday they were not originally planning on taking but were then offered - its not really the same at all, as original expenditure planned was 0.00 and actual expenditure is 300 pounds or whatever a week's car hire has cost, for something they now no longer really want. Not the same as a discount.

Its a bit like those cons where you think you've won an all expenses paid 2 week holiday but then it turns out that 1) the holiday is for one person, and you'd have to pay an inflated rate for anyone to go with you, and 2) its somewhere inaccessible and you have to pay for your own travel, and 3) no food is included and the only source of meals is an overpriced on-site restaurant 4) the holiday involves spending time with people you wouldn't choose to spend time with, perhaps in the form of having to attend a sales pitch... but hey - you'd be spoilt to complain as its a free holiday, even if it leaves you grumpy and out of pocket for travel expenses and food...

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 15:18

I'd fucking hate sharing. Really, really, hate it, especially with people I don't want to share with.

Petal02 · 01/02/2016 15:18

I don't think the OP is being entitled at all - yes, the offer of the holiday home was a lovely gesture, but at the point of accepting the offer, the OP didn't realise the other family would be inviting themselves. If the OP had known this, she may have declined.

Sharing with other families doesn't work for everyone, and with any sort of holiday, its only fair that important stuff like that is made clear up-front.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 01/02/2016 15:19

Jeez what an awkward position.

Can you call the friend / the parents (depending on who you dealt with) and ask what's going on? It's not fair to have you working on a plan of a family holiday, to suddenly have extra people sprung on you, no matter who they are. If it's a case of the friends have said "mum, dad, can we use your place X dates?" and they've said "well actually your friends are already down there", they may well have just thought it'll be fine. But if you're not comfortable with it, you need to say so. If your friends want to use it as well, work out a way you can both be there at individual times, maybe with a day switch over so it doesn't feel too awkward?

MyAutumnAlmanac · 01/02/2016 15:20

Agree with whois. I think most people would understand that sometimes you want some time with just family. As long as it's presented something like "Thank you so much for your lovely offer. We're really sorry about this but we think we misinterpreted it a bit, and accepted thinking it would be just us. We're hoping to have some time with just family, so we're going to have to decline as we've realised it's a group arrangement. However, we very much appreciate your kind thought", and not "Nah, not now they're coming...!" you should be fine. Disappointing, but not friendship-wrecking, I'd say.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 01/02/2016 15:21

If somebody gives you something you had no intention of having or paying for yourself they are not saving you money - they are giving you a generous gift which is all very lovely of them, but it is not saving you money if you would never have paid for that thing in the first place - the owners of the holiday home have made a generous offer but they have not saved the OP any money - actually their offer has caused the OP to spend money she would not otherwise have spent, while labouring under the illusion that she had accepted one type of generous gift when in fact she has accepted a slightly less appealing one which she might not have chosen to spend money to access if she had known...

LeaLeander · 01/02/2016 15:25

I don't think the OP is being entitled, ungrateful or churlish at all.

Many people value privacy. We don't know the size of the house, how many bathrooms, etc. and sorry, it would not be a vacation to me if I were having to coordinate baths etc., with all the members of another family, or be sharing toilets with them.

Then there is the question of meals - again, who wants to spend a vacation coordinating "who's eating what?" and "who's cooking when?" taking into account the likes and dislikes of two other adults and who knows how many other children.

What if the weather is inclement and you're all stuck indoors - who decides what's on the TV or who gets the use of games/equipment etc.?

Doesn't sound very relaxing.

var123 · 01/02/2016 15:26

If you haven't replied yet, then you could write back:

Really?! Sounds great. Only problem is has just come up this week and we've not sure whether we can make it or not now. We might have to go a different week, or even turn down your parent's offer. Its a real shame because we were all looking forward to it. Which dates are you planning to be there?

OnlyLovers · 01/02/2016 15:27

I am surprised that a ' large holiday house in Cornwall ' is available at Easter I have to say.

It's available because the people who own it have decided to make it available to a certain group –in this case the OP and family.

That's not THAT surprising, is it? Confused All privately owned holiday houses are presumably available until or unless the owner rents them to someone.

Anyway, not the point. OP, do you know what you're going to do?