Friends Crashing Our Holiday (sort of)

[PinkFairy22]

DH has done some work for our friend's parents. The work went well, the parents were very happy (and paid for it, in case that's relevant.).

The parents have a large holiday house in Cornwall which they often rent out and, as a thank you, have offered it to us - free- for a week over Easter. Totally unexpected and very kind of them.

We've confirmed the dates and arranged travel, car hire etc. Got a text last night from my friend saying "surprise, we're coming too". There's plenty of room in the house, so it's not going to be a space issue.

I'm really gutted, as I was really looking forward to a family break. We get on well with these friends, but have never been away with them - or even contemplated it tbh. Our kids get on ok but not brilliantly.

AIBU to feel so gutted?

[FairiesAreReal]

Yes to Florene and nocabbageinmyeye's idea. They can't come if there isn't room!!!

[NewYearSameMe]

I would text your friend and say that you don't want to crash their family holiday and obviously they have priority as it's their parents' house, so you will cancel. Would they like you to let their parents know about the change or will they do it? Hopefully they will back down immediately, and if not perhaps their parents will persuade them to go another time once you have told them that you want to cancel.

[Branleuse]

text back " what do you mean??? Surely not at the same time as our family holiday?? you know I love you guys lots, but this has put us on the spot"

[Petal02]

I'd be livid! Could you try a combination of some of the advice given above - pretend you've invited both sets of parents plus various brothers and sisters and their kids (ie, enough relatives to fill all the bedrooms) and THEN ring the kind people who've made you the offer, innocently enquiring if there's been a mistake?

[Branleuse]

oh i misread, i thought it was your parents house

not much you can do, except go or not go

[Valentine2]

They are being very thoughtless tbh. But I don't see that you can do much. You should now plan your days and activities that could keep them separate from your family at least during the day. Good luck

[PinkFairy22]

You're all fab. Thanks. Just dashing out, but will be back on later x

[Branleuse]

Maybe your friends and their parents have different feelings about your friendship than you do

[AppleSetsSail]

Complete nightmare. I second the suggestion to say you'd invited your in-laws. Although they might in turn find that cheeky.

[Witchend]

Don't say you've invited others or you will seem UR.

[expatinscotland]

'I'd probably ring them and say 'oh gosh, we're so sorry and didn't realise the had already planned on coming. Is there a week we can book for our family that will not interfere with the holiday plans of your family that have already been booked?'

The problem with this is if the parents reply back, 'Oh, it's no problem. You're not interfering at all.'

I'd either tell them my ILs were going or cancel. Really cheeky of them to tag along.

[pictish]

I don't think the in laws excuse is actually a goer. It would not do for OP to invite anyone else along, even hypothetically, because that might be seen as taking liberties...iyswim? The house was offered to OP and her dh, not to the wider family at large.
It's a great idea (inspired, in fact) but it could end up causing more difficulties than it solves.

[pictish]

I don't know what I'd do. I too would feel gatecrashed in these circumstances. It's taking away your freedom to enjoy your treat as you see fit...it won't be your house for the week, it will be theirs....which sucks.

[Inertia]

I don't think I would mention that you'd invited your parents or in-laws- that could come across as taking the piss!

Think I'd be tempted to send a message to the friends and their parents at the same time saying that you're really sorry, you hadn't realised there was a clash of dates and of course you don't want to impose on their family holiday, so will speak to the friend's parents to try to rearrange.

[pictish]

Never mind the whole 'spending a week with another family' gig.

[RhiWrites]

Write back to PIL and say "I'm mortified, I must have got completely the wrong end of the stick, I thought you were offering us the house for our family to have a holiday. I didn't realise you were planning a group gathering with [friends names] as well. So sorry, we will have to pass because that's the only week we have free for our family hol."

[expatinscotland]

True. In which case, I'd cancel. Use a work excuse and just not bother again. 'Thanks, that's a very kind offer. Maybe some time when we're free.' I'd be fuming.

[pictish]

What inertia said sounds good, although I suspect they'll just go, "No no, it will be fun!" and OP will be back to square one.

[expatinscotland]

That's good Rhi, especially the only week free as a family.

[PolovesTubbyCustard]

I would cancel. Say that you thought you had exclusive use.

The parentsay not know that the others had invited hemselves along?

[MuddhaOfSuburbia]

I don't see the prob really (well, I do and I don't)

unless I missed something, you got paid for the work and got a free hol into the bargain- on what's normally a pricey week for the UK

you didn't know the friends were part of the package- but they are (tbh if my parents owned a holiday home in Cornwall I'd expect to have first dibs on it )

I don't think anyone's being cheeky under the circs- either you decide to blow it out or go with the friends

I'd give it a go if I were you- I had friends come on hols with us unexpectedly- I dreaded it as I'd been looking forward to family hol, the only real links were between me and the friend and our littluns, the partners and bigger dcs didn't know each other from a can of paint- tried to talk friend out of it TO NO AVAIL (yes, she's that sort of friend ). Of course we had a hoot and have done it a few times since

if you hate it, you can always bail.

[LeaLeander]

How unfortunate and how thoughtless of them (unless they already had reserved the house at that time and the parents created this situation by not thinking it through.)

I would not enjoy a holiday in such close quarters with another family but as it was extended to you as a favor, you can hardly demand different terms or a different date, or hint around for them to not use their parents' house.

Just be dignified and withdraw. "It turns out DH and I both have to work that week." "Turns out our parents were counting on us visiting them." "Turns out we're going to use that week for some DIY work around the house. But thank you for the kind offer."

[FairNotFair]

I'd go with RhiWrites' response. Gracefully gets you off the hook.

[AppleSetsSail]

I don't think anyone's being cheeky under the circs- either you decide to blow it out or go with the friends

Either the parents of these friends or the friends themselves have been cheeky, because they've put the OP in an awkward spot of having to reveal that they would go on the holiday alone, but not with these friends.

[MuddhaOfSuburbia]

bloody norah just rtft

someone offers you a FREE hol. On their property. But with their dc/gdc

so according to this thread you should pretend you've invited your extended family (who I'm guessing the holiday home owners don't know)

Or ask for alternative dates?

and it's the friends/parents who are being cheeky??