Friends Crashing Our Holiday (sort of)

[PinkFairy22]

DH has done some work for our friend's parents. The work went well, the parents were very happy (and paid for it, in case that's relevant.).

The parents have a large holiday house in Cornwall which they often rent out and, as a thank you, have offered it to us - free- for a week over Easter. Totally unexpected and very kind of them.

We've confirmed the dates and arranged travel, car hire etc. Got a text last night from my friend saying "surprise, we're coming too". There's plenty of room in the house, so it's not going to be a space issue.

I'm really gutted, as I was really looking forward to a family break. We get on well with these friends, but have never been away with them - or even contemplated it tbh. Our kids get on ok but not brilliantly.

AIBU to feel so gutted?

totally un*calculated ... but thoughtless.

Just to say I do not think it is fair to invite your extended family along to the house. They lent it to you , not to you and a lot of people they do not know.
Somebody did this to me once - they asked if they could stay at our place, I said "of course" and then found out they had other people there too without mentioning it to us.
I really annoyed me - I trusted them to look after my place (which is never rented out), not all their friends and family.

I think that the friend wanted to go because she fancied some company for herself and the children. It's possible she hopes all the DC will play together giving her a break. Maybe she and her DH get bored of being on their own for a week in the cottage with the DC, as they might usually go with other family/friends.

The OP's idea to go for a long week-end is probably best, as they can always choose to stay an extra day if it all goes better than expected.

God can't believe some of these replies. If someone has offered you free use of their holiday home for a week and it then transpires that members of their family will be there at the same time, your choices are (1) make the best of it or (2) go on holiday somewhere else. Cannot believe people are suggesting making pass-agg enquiries to try to put the others off or angle to be given another time to visit. Not U to be disappointed that the free gift is not as lovely as you'd hoped, but def the height of rudeness and ingratitude to try to do anything about it.

Wow, that's actually really shitty of them. Yes, I can get that they were disappointed that they couldn't get the house over Easter but to barge in on your holiday is really rude and selfish.

I would be pissed off too - I like the kinds of holidays where kids have friends to play with, but not where we have no privacy when we do want to shut the door... I like people next door but not in my house! I hate sharing a kitchen even more than a bathroom and would not want a to share cooking, taking another family's likes/ dislikes/ allergies/ rules about kids finishing what is on their plate/ opinions on what I feed my kids into consideration every meal for a week, instead of just at one meal you might have invited them to, or god forbid to have to cook with somebody else...

I would not want to spend every evening after the kids are in bed with other adults who I had not invited and have to keep my bra on and have to accommodate the TV/ DVD preferences or wish to play stupid charades or scrabble or monopoly together of other adults I had not invited, or to feel I had to go out and leave my kids with them to get away from them in the evening, and look after their kids if they wanted to go out in return even though their kids and mine did not get on brilliantly and their kids might go to bed later than mine and eat into my evening, and get up later than mine meaning I would be expected to keep mine quieter than is simply required with next door neighbours not actually in the same house at 6.30am... :o

I would be pissed off having shelled out non refundable money on travel or hire cars, and booked leave and got the kids excited, all of which makes backing out difficult or costly, and would not want to share a house on holiday even though I am happy to have people about, keep an eye on other people's kids if they are playing with mine (as long as I can send them home if they become pesky or stop being nice to mine), have meals out together...

I just don't think this is a calculated thing and doubt the other family want to crash the OP's holiday - I think the parents have offered both families the house at the same time and when they realised, rather than telling one family there has been a mix up they just assumed they'd be fine to share because it is free... which doesn't actually mean it is fine to share, it just means it is hard to complain about unexpected sharing without looking unreasonable!

These people are not strangers. They are friends.

Friends that you and they met every month or two for lunch and kids play

Sure all will be fine

Make it a long weekend drive down late thur to abide traffic and have fri sat sun and mon and drive home tue - if you can't bear to do the week

Actually i am an introvert, in fact i am SO introverted the thought of anyone else inviting themselves on my holiday is my idea of hell and i would prefer to make them go away than put up with it.

Quite frankly i think its the height of fucking rudeness to gatecrash other peoples holidays with a 'surprise'.

My family have always had our own static caravan, if we offered it to someone free of charge i would be horrified if my brother and his GF suddenly decided to invite themselves along.

You just DONT DO THAT.

Its irrelevant its free of charge. That is between the owners and the people staying in it, it doesn't mean its a free for all for any other tom, dick or harry to gatecrash it.

5 days? May was well make it a week. Go late on Friday and bail on Sunday. I'd not go at all, tbh, I don't like sharing a bathroom. I'd make up a work excuse and bail out.

adrift what makes you so sure they are gate crashing and hadn't also thought they were going to have the house to themselves that week until the parents realised they had offered the OP a week they had forgotten their adult child was already planning to stay at the house?

I'd pull out. And I'd be bloody annoyed at being out of pocket on eg the hire car.

Other family could be posting:

AIBU to be annoyed that my parents have offered another couple we know a free holiday in their holiday home at the same time she said we could use it?

My kids, DH and I often stay at my parents' holiday house in Cornwall during the school holidays. Weeks ago I asked my mum in passing whether that was still fine for Easter, and she said yes, of course, but didn't write it down or anything - I did ask her if she'd put it in the calendar and she just laughed and said she's do it later.

Last week she rang me, and in the course of the conversation she mentioned that some friends of ours did some work for her and Dad, and she'd offered them the house over easter as a thank you (as well as paying them for the work).

AIBU to be annoyed with my mum, as to her its an empty house and she rather likes playing Lady Bountiful, but to us its our holiday - she seems to think that as we don't pay for the house it is a "free" holiday, and we won't mind "mucking in" but its not really a holiday when we have to share the house with people we do count as friends but wouldn't normally spend more than an evening a month with. Going to make the best of it this time so as not to upset mum and dad, ruin the friendship and upset the kids, who are looking forward to the holiday, but it has tarnished things a bit... TBH it isn't the first time she's done similar, so I suppose we'll stop asking or accepting offers to use the holiday house...

Why should the parents consult their children? It's their house they can do what they want with it.

Oops, that was in response to Twinklestein's post at 15.29. I hadn't realised that there was another page

Detailed imaginary posting there Schwab none of that has anything to do with the op

Amy I realise it is imaginary - so are the posts assuming the other family have been spent to spy on the OP in the holiday home or are taking a week's leave and a family holiday to "stake out their territory" or out of spite, or because they want to gate crash the OP's holiday. What I posted is as likely as any of those scenarios, which are also all projections based on the sparse information we have about the texts received by the OP. If the other family think they had already been given the go ahead to use the house they may not want to give up their holiday any more than the OP, and prefer ideally to have the house to themselves.

It is surely the parents who have offered both family the same week, presumably inadvertently - if the friend family hadn't spoken to their parents they wouldn't know the OP would be there.

agree with Schwab and Twinkelstein

ANYway, Schwab- what does the 'kanne' bit of your name mean? I get the rest of it

(exchange trip Schwabische Alb in 198 Two weeks.

Best. Fun. EVER)

To give an example of how this might work in families: I'm going skiing at Easter and staying in a friend's (massive) chalet. I think they (the owners) will be there at least some of the time but they've been a bit vague. They have adult daughters who may well be turning up for some of the time or other friends. And other people may also be there too - I have no idea.
All I know is that they have allocated beds for me and my family for the time that we're going.

As far as we're concerned, it's a very generous offer and it means we can ski when we can't normally afford it (school holidays).

So I don't necessarily buy the OP's friends are clueless or unkind or selfish or any of the other slurs that have been thrown at them on the thread

That sounds reasonable, LyndaNotLinda, but if that's how it works in the OP's friend's family, don't you think those terms should have been laid out at the time of the original offer?

"We are so please with the job you did. As a thank-you, you and your family are welcome to use our vacation home the week of Easter"

is a far cry from

"We can reserve four beds for your family at our vacation home during the week of Easter, if you want to bunk in with friends and relatives who also may be coming and going. It's usual for each family to provide their own food, drink, towels and bedding.." or whatever the case may be.

If someone offered me the use of their cottage I would expect it to be solely for my use unless otherwise forewarned.

Muddah a Kanne is just a pot or jug (like a coffee pot), but I took my name from a series of Youtube videos my kids were a bit obsessed with, which were the source of family jokes at the time I chose my name, featuring a coffee pot, two tea cups and an egg cup - in the first one there is a mix up between a Swedish Christmas tree (Weihnachtstanne) and a Schwabish Christmas pot, which isn't really a thing (Weihnachtskanne) ...

It was a bit of a random name choice because my old name and password were published on the Hackergate list... I should probably change it because every week or two somebody PMs me asking if I am in Baden württemberg... Its amazing how many MNers there must be in Germany!

To give an example of how this might work in families: I'm going skiing at Easter and staying in a friend's (massive) chalet. I think they (the owners) will be there at least some of the time but they've been a bit vague. They have adult daughters who may well be turning up for some of the time or other friends. And other people may also be there too - I have no idea.

As far as we're concerned, it's a very generous offer and it means we can ski when we can't normally afford it (school holidays).

Not a good parallel because the vast disparity in market value of these two holidays (huge ski chalet at Easter; Cornwall in Feb...).

Easter is not in February.

I don't think the market value is remotely relevant - the key difference is LyndanotLinda knew from the start she would be sharing and Pink didn't.

Some people would politely decline the offer of shared holiday accommodation if they understood that that was what they were being offered, preferring to stay at home or pay for somewhere less expensive to themselves. It doesn't matter how expensive the accommodation is if you'd rather stay home than share a bathroom/ living room/ kitchen for a week, especially if you were not initially planning on a holiday in that location until offered the holiday home...

YANBU to be annoyed OP, I would be too but I can't see any other option other than cancelling politely. Do not go with the PILS invitation, that would be very rude.

I do think this is probably a mistake on the friend's (kindly) parents. Perhaps they had been due to go that week and they messed up, giving you "their" slot?

I would suck it up, I see it as free accommodation in what is usually a very expensive place but tell the friend that you have already organized a schedule so will be out most of the time. On holiday I would not be doing any cooking anyway, so no fretting over dishwashing/cooking rota.

Easter is not in February.

Really?

apple, someone said a chalet at Easter was not comparable to Cornwall in Feb. It is not Cornwall in Feb, it is Cornwall at Easter (which could actually be blimming lovely if it's like some Easter's which have been warmer than August).