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AIBU?

Friends Crashing Our Holiday (sort of)

347 replies

PinkFairy22 · 01/02/2016 12:55

DH has done some work for our friend's parents. The work went well, the parents were very happy (and paid for it, in case that's relevant.).

The parents have a large holiday house in Cornwall which they often rent out and, as a thank you, have offered it to us - free- for a week over Easter. Totally unexpected and very kind of them.

We've confirmed the dates and arranged travel, car hire etc. Got a text last night from my friend saying "surprise, we're coming too". There's plenty of room in the house, so it's not going to be a space issue.

I'm really gutted, as I was really looking forward to a family break. We get on well with these friends, but have never been away with them - or even contemplated it tbh. Our kids get on ok but not brilliantly.

AIBU to feel so gutted?

OP posts:

Report

Xmasbaby11 · 01/02/2016 13:50

Gosh I don't think it would bother me too much, if they were good friends. You don't have to do everything together.

toffeeboffin · 01/02/2016 13:51

So basically, they are rescinding the invitation because your friends fancy a week there at Easter instead?

Totally not on.

I'd do what RhiWrites said. Maybe they will offer you a week at half term or something?

Petal02 · 01/02/2016 13:52

I now agree with Rhiwrites. But the whole thing is still a pain though - how disappointing!

ArmfulOfRoses · 01/02/2016 13:52

Rhi has it I think.

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 01/02/2016 13:53

they are rescinding the invitation

I didn't read it like that- I read it more as 'now our kids are coming too!'

toffeeboffin · 01/02/2016 13:53

FWIW this whole spending a week with another family palavar is definitely NOT a break.

I've tried it several times and it's just not the same.

Even if the house is huge, you will not be able to completely relax.

Sadmum19 · 01/02/2016 13:54

Do you have the right to say that you'd planned to invite other people to their property without running it past them first anyway? At the end of the day, it's their property and you're not paying for this but it would have been reasonable to expect them to let you know about this in advance! Goes to show that nothing in life is free! I'd be inclined to go as you've organised car hire etc and just make sure you have days out planned for your own family time but get together for breakfast and evening meals - it could be quite good fun if you plan some family games for the evenings maybe?

KakiFruit · 01/02/2016 13:55

I'd be really upset and no way would I be going. Especially since they will probably think their preferences win for anything related to the house because it's THEIR parents' place.

I think RhiWrites has the best response. It doesn't blame them for the situation, and it doesn't invite argument - you can just repeat that you only have one week to spend together as a family.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 01/02/2016 13:57

they are rescinding the invitation

Complete exaggeration. They aren't doing this at all

AppleSetsSail · 01/02/2016 13:58

bloody norah just rtft

someone offers you a FREE hol. On their property. But with their dc/gdc

Maybe you should rtft?

The problem is that the parents invited the OP and her family, she made her arrangements. No mention of another family there. Some time later, the friends announce that they will be there as well.

OP suggests they're not sufficiently good friends for such an arrangement.

Trickydecision · 01/02/2016 13:58

Pictish,but if the OP begins her chat with the owners by saying she was just about to ask if it would be permissible to take her PILS along when she receved the email from tne friends, it would not be seen as taking liberies, surely?

HerRoyalNotness · 01/02/2016 13:59

The owner has rescinded the offer at all! Their DC has just decided to go along too.

It wouldn't bother me tbh. I'd send a message back, " great, we're looking forward to spending time with you! Let's work out how to arrange meals/food etc..."

Go in the frame of mind that yes its unexpected, but a) you'll be in a nice part of the country b) it's free accommodation c) you could have lots of fun.

You cannot phone the parents and try to negotiate a different week, that would be cheeky!

AppleSetsSail · 01/02/2016 14:00

I agree that the in-laws angle is a risky move. I think honesty is the only option here.

toffeeboffin · 01/02/2016 14:01

Well, it's a bit of a long winded way of doing it Nottoday but let's face it, the OP will probably end up not going at all.

They can't flat out say 'you are no longer invited' really, can they?

MerryMarigold · 01/02/2016 14:05

Blimey. I agree with Muddha. The parents have not 'rescinded the offer' - they just thought there's another space for everyone and since you're friends anyway, and they've offered you a free stay, why not?

I think it's just different ways of doing things here. This family sound kind of spontaneous and 'just get on with it', and go with the flow types. They obviously wouldn't be offended if this were done to them.

OP, I think you have a free holiday here. So it is not exactly as you 'planned', although surely you can still do everything you wanted to. You can still have a great, fun and FREE holiday, just not the way you thought it would be.

Rafflesway · 01/02/2016 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petal02 · 01/02/2016 14:08

I agree with the poster who suggested that going along with another family would just be a huge palaver, and that you wouldn't be able to relax.

AppleSetsSail · 01/02/2016 14:10

I would hate to be robbed of the option of being lazy in my PJs during the inevitable foul-weather days of your holiday.

TyrannosaurusBex · 01/02/2016 14:11

I think that if I really didn't want to go I would bow out in order to free up the property for my friend, hoping that I might be offered an alternative but not depending upon it!

MerryMarigold · 01/02/2016 14:11

I'll go instead then . Don't care if the friends 'rule the roost' know how to work the heating, dishwasher, it'd be great to get a week in another place, a nice big house, FOR FREE.

BurningBridges · 01/02/2016 14:12

So it wasn't a gift? it wasn't a favour or a thank you? They probably didn't do it just to be awkward but as far as I can see if you offer someone a gift you can't then attach conditions to it once it has been accepted.

If you can't put up with them, just don't go.

OttiliaVonBCup · 01/02/2016 14:13

I think you're making this a bigger problem that it is.

I suppose the parents thought you would't mind spending time with your friends.

Did they say you would have exclusive use of the house?
A house in a tourist area, over Easter, that's high in demand.

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FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 14:14

I wouldn't make out there's been a mix up with the dates as now the others are going to the house because they will say ' it's no bother, they won't mind '

Just how friendly are you?
Could you not just ask the parents for sole occupancy as you need the break as a family? Yep the friends might be pissed off but I can't see any other way of getting out of it.

FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 14:16

I am surprised that a ' large holiday house in Cornwall ' is available at Easter I have to say.

OnlyLovers · 01/02/2016 14:16

I really don't think you can say 'No you can't come because we've invited the PILs.' It's not your house to invite people to.

If you really don't want to spend the week with them then just cancel. Otherwise, go along with an open mind and a relaxed attitude. Your kids might get on better for spending some time together; and for that matter, you and the other couple might too!

And if you want to spend a rainy day indoors in PJs, do so; you don't have to get fully dressed just because other people are there, not if they're friends!

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