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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Crashing Our Holiday (sort of)

347 replies

PinkFairy22 · 01/02/2016 12:55

DH has done some work for our friend's parents. The work went well, the parents were very happy (and paid for it, in case that's relevant.).

The parents have a large holiday house in Cornwall which they often rent out and, as a thank you, have offered it to us - free- for a week over Easter. Totally unexpected and very kind of them.

We've confirmed the dates and arranged travel, car hire etc. Got a text last night from my friend saying "surprise, we're coming too". There's plenty of room in the house, so it's not going to be a space issue.

I'm really gutted, as I was really looking forward to a family break. We get on well with these friends, but have never been away with them - or even contemplated it tbh. Our kids get on ok but not brilliantly.

AIBU to feel so gutted?

OP posts:
pictish · 01/02/2016 15:28

The idea that OP is being saved money is nonsense I agree.

AskingForAPal · 01/02/2016 15:30

I bet that's exactly what happened Schwabischeweihnachtskanne - and parents aren't always clear on just "how" friends their children are with their friends IYSWIM. They may think you are besties.

Don't forget your friends may be as pissed off about it as you are!

I do think contacting the parents to say what whois said is fine, if you really can't stick it.

I totally get what people have said about "saving" them money. But they obviously wanted the week in the house or they wouldn't have taken it. Sharing it with another family they are supposedly friends with is hardly like sharing it with a crate of snakes or a radioactive dump is it.

Amazed at different people's attitudes here.

HSMMaCM · 01/02/2016 15:31

Can you misinterpret what they said? Ask what day they are coming down, so you can come out and meet them for dinner somewhere. When they say they are staying, just say, "Surely not!" in your most shocked voice?

OhShutUpThomas · 01/02/2016 15:32

I agree with Rhi

var123 · 01/02/2016 15:37

Or following from HSMMaCM post just pretend that you think they are joking. "Haha. But, seriously, maybe we should have a girls weekend away together sometime? It could be fun!"

notonyurjellybellynelly · 01/02/2016 15:42

I think they're getting all territorial and are determined you wont get the cottage in a week they had planned to go and had forgotten to tell their parents about.

And I think I'd either just suck it up or not go at all whilst bowing out gracefully.

NoSquirrels · 01/02/2016 15:43

YANBU to feel so gutted - expectations were set, and now it's something different.

But if I were you I'd try to reframe your expectations now (and gently pre warn friends too) e.g. text back "Great! How long will you be staying for?" etc. and find out more about their plans - maybe they won't be there the whole time, so that will be OK. If they are staying the whole week, gently point out you'd promised the kids trips to X,Y, Z so won't be around on certain days "so we can all have some space from each other" or whatever - make it gently clear you won't expect to be spending the whole week with them.

And get there first so you can have first dibs on bedrooms! Grin

var123 · 01/02/2016 15:54

I think they are just thinking its another week in a cottage that they've been to many times and can go to as often as they can get away, so its usually slightly boring. However, this time there friends will be there so it will be different from normal and therefore less boring.

MackerelOfFact · 01/02/2016 15:59

Maybe try being disingenuous and say something like "Oh I didn't realise there was a annexe! Great, it'll be lovely to have you staying next door, we should arrange to get together for dinner one evening."

If/when they reply saying it's just one property, say that you'd planned to just use the house as a base for exploring the area, so as not to disturb them you will make other accommodation arrangements.

Or something.

Or just suck it up and share the place with them, it might be quite fun if you can still do your own thing?

mouldycheesefan · 01/02/2016 16:01

" just to pre warn you, dc will be practising for his bassoon exam which is the week after. We will try and keep the practice down to just six hours per day"

whatsoever · 01/02/2016 16:03

I'd be as miffed as you OP. But I don't see a genuine way out. You can't really say "please tell your children they can't share the free holiday you kindly gave us" to the people your DH did the work for, nor can you say "sorry, your parents had no right to say you could share the house they are letting us stay in for free" to your friends. Neither are your instruction to make.

Best thing I can think of is organising lots of day trips and meals out just for your Family so you're not tripping over each other in the house. And/or see if you can share the food shopping with them to make the best of an unfortunate situation.

MackerelOfFact · 01/02/2016 16:05

Yes, the joking idea might work too!

"Haha! Oh god, can you imagine! Being serious though, we'll have to get together at some point after Easter and do something together with the kids."

BabyGanoush · 01/02/2016 16:07

I agree with Muddha's post of page 2

try to be a bit flexible

It might be fun

Petal02 · 01/02/2016 16:08

I simply wouldn't want to waste a week's precious annual leave on the sort of holiday I don't enjoy (ie sharing with another family)!

The OP wouldn't be rude in declining, its the gate-crashing 'friends' who are rude.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 16:13

'try to be a bit flexible

It might be fun'

Why should she? It won't be any fun because the OP does not want to holiday with another family and their kids don't get on all that brilliantly. It's entirely reasonable to decline the invitation. Just because the lodging is free doesn't mean she has to take time off on a holiday she no longer wants because the other family is coming. Just bow out gracefully the way Rhi suggests.

whois · 01/02/2016 16:14

Don't go down the 'you must be joking' route. You'll look like a twat.

Waltermittythesequel · 01/02/2016 16:16

How is it entitled to feel disappointed that your family holiday is no longer a family holiday?

Just because it's free doesn't mean OP isn't entitled to be a little upset, does it? It's not like she's thrown a hissy fit and demanded that the area be cleared for her arrival.

I would hate to share. I have a lot of friends but only about three with whom I'd share a house.

And there's no way I'd want to spend precious family alone time with someone else because we're always so busy/active that downtime with just the five of us (dh and 3 dc) is really, really rare.

I think the text to parents/friends saying that you've misunderstood the dates or something is the best way to go. You're not insulting them, you're just saying you thought it was free for your family alone.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend your holiday as a family.

AskingForAPal · 01/02/2016 16:19

No-one's saying it's not fair enough to be peeved.

I'm just surprised people feel it's ok to furious with the house owners or their kids. Obviously if they thought the OP would hate the new plan they wouldn't be doing it, so it's a misunderstanding or double-booking somewhere along the line.

Obviously it's fine for the OP to pull out.

Twinklestein · 01/02/2016 16:21

Of course it's saving the OP money - the rental price of a large house in Cornwall to be exact.

It's a bummer, but when you've been offered a freebie there's nothing you can do. Certainly none of the embarrassing gaucheries suggested - inviting others or trying to renegotiate the dates.

I'm not quite sure why there's so much angst about sharing with another family. It would be nice to have it to yourselves but it's not a disaster surely?
If it is, you'll just have to rent somewhere else.

IndridCold · 01/02/2016 16:21

Holidays with friends can be brilliant, or a complete disaster. The fact that you are being bamboozled into this without being consulted does not bode well. All you have had is a text informing you they are coming on your holiday! It may be their parents' house, but I think that is rude.

I would ring your friend and say that you hadn't realised you were going at the same time as them, and offer to forgo sacrifice your holiday, and then take it from there.

If she has an ounce of common sense she will realise that she has made a big mistake, and will withdraw herself. If she is very insensitive and insists on coming, then you might really have to sacrifice your break. Personally, I can't imagine anything less relaxing than staying in someone else's holiday house with family members there, so it may not be much of a sacrifice anyway, although very disappointing.

Of course the best option would be that the friend in question is a MNer, and is reading this thread, realises she is being much too pushy, and pulls out Grin.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/02/2016 16:21

I can see why you'd be disappointed, as it seemed a very generous gift, and it's turned out to be something different. However, it's still a generous offer. I'm a sociable person and would probably want to go anyway. If you really don't want to go, don't go. It seems a shame when your friends are obviously up for it, and you don't have to live in each other's pockets.

captainfarrell · 01/02/2016 16:26

How rude!! Very tricky as it's their parents' house and it's a freebie. Can you say " Oh I'm sorry we have asked our family to join us already." ?

var123 · 01/02/2016 16:27

How can it be saving money unless the OP was going to spend the money until she was given it for free instead (which she wasn't)?

Waltermittythesequel · 01/02/2016 16:28

Not everyone is that sociable though, and that's fine and a perfectly valid way to be.

If friends had text and said they'd wanted to go too then there could have been a discussion of sorts. It doesn't matter who is related to whom, you don't just announce that you're totally changing the dynamics of someone's holiday without at least pretending to consider their feelings!

etttvatre · 01/02/2016 16:29

I think YABU.

It's their (holiday) home. They're letting you stay in it as a thank you on top of the money they've paid. The holiday is not the actual payment for the work, is it?