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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help, boyfriend hasn't come home. AIBU to want to call the police?

487 replies

Grapeeatingweirdo · 31/01/2016 09:09

He has form for coming in at 6/7 am after an all nighter but this is really late for him. His phone is off. Starting to get worried. What's the next logical step here?

OP posts:
SlatternIsTrying · 31/01/2016 19:58

"We don't have enough sex", run, run now.

If he is blaming you now for not meeting his needs, what the hell is going to be like when your pregnant/ just had a baby?

Honestly, that alone would worry me.

Towardsthesun · 31/01/2016 20:05

where is he when he is out all night long?

Finallyonboard · 31/01/2016 20:08

I would never tolerate that behaviour from my DH!

NameChange30 · 31/01/2016 20:21

He's complaining you don't have enough sex?! REALLY?! I've heard it all now.

Someone who regularly stays out all night drinking, makes you worried sick, gets home only to vomit and piss everywhere, spend the day passed out on the sofa, and doesn't bother to even text you let alone stick to arrangement... Yeah, massive fucking turn on, that.

Dickhead. You need to get your head out of the sand. He may seem wonderful in every other way, but none of that counts if he prioritises alcohol over you.

NameChange30 · 31/01/2016 20:23

I would be on sex strike until he recognises that his behaviour is out of order, apologies, and demonstrates that he's not going to do it again.

Does he drink at home or just on his nights out?

Hissy · 31/01/2016 20:25

The alcohol IS THE THING HE DOES WRONG that is the reason you have to end it. Today.

Nothing else will make him think.

He's complaining you don't have sex, well guess what he was trying to do last night? Pull. But probably got so shit faced he failed miserably at that which is why he's so sorry for himself now, and why he's so cuddly.

End it. For your own sanity, safety and cancer of a full and proper life

Pipistrella · 31/01/2016 20:25

Oh God this is so sad. I'm sorry OP Flowers

I know what it's like to be in love with someone who treats you badly, but you can still love him from a safe distance if you dump his sorry arse.

doesn't want it mentioned again? really????! Like you've got to do as you're told?

notmyproblem · 31/01/2016 20:31

OP you're 31. You've already wasted 6 years with you, you're going to throw away the rest too unless you look yourself straight in the mirror and be honest with yourself.

You could be with someone who won't piss all your money up the wall, won't literally piss all around your house and won't leave you waiting and worrying for hours while he's out getting drunk. Picture yourself with a baby and toddler and calling around to find out where he is? Only to have him come home, puke/piss/pass out and leave you to do everything for your kids. Picture your son or daughter growing up watching that.

Get rid of him. Run like hell.

TheTigerIsOut · 31/01/2016 20:36

Frankly, I am not surprised to see you are getting off him. Who would like to have sex with someone who goes out so late, come back to "puke and piss everywhere", fails to see the problem and forgets about agreed times to meet?

If you have no children yet with this man, run away while you can. "He is lovely" doesn't make a good partner, being reliable and respectful does. He is, unfortunately, neither of the latter.

Gruntfuttock · 31/01/2016 20:43

"Get rid of him. Run like hell."

OP, please. There are some really lovely men, you know. Who would never dream of behaving the way your boyfriend does. Don't waste any more time with him. You only have one life.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 31/01/2016 20:56

He doesn't want it mentioned again!!!!!

Allow me to translate: "Shut the fuck up love. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. Do not say another word about it. Why? Because I said so, bitch. Do as you are fucking told."

He's been super loving and cuddly today Is this the same day where he had a nap instead of meeting you as arranged? What exactly is your idea of "super loving"?

By the way, who clears up the piss and puke?

Potatoface2 · 31/01/2016 20:57

im sure if hes at the hospital they will chuck him out asap.....they wont want him pissing and puking everywhere, which you seem to think is okay....strange that you put up with that!

Mrskeats · 31/01/2016 21:00

Every. Single. Weekend.
That's how often we have to comment on
He's 43. Jesus is he planning on growing up at any point?
Wouldn't put up with this for a second and don't have to thank god.
Completely disrespectful

Mummamayhem · 31/01/2016 21:09

3 weekends since Xmas?! Blimey I feel for you, it's really not on. If it was a one off alright fine, if he was 21 OK but this sounds awful to live with. Where does he drink? At friends then crash or clubbing? Surely he could just get cab home after a night out why does he need to sleep it off with someone else.

Its not just a drink problem it's a serious lack of respect to you, your home and your time together.

Potatoface2 · 31/01/2016 21:10

'one rogue punch from a drunken idiot can kill'.......i hope it isnt you OP....he may not be an alcoholic but anyone who pisses everywhere when they had a drink definately has a problem and are heading that way!

Bunbaker · 31/01/2016 21:20

I think you are minimising his drinking problem. Saying that he is lovely the rest of the time doesn't get away from the fact that he gets legless every weekend and pisses and puke everywhere.

Most people won't be able to see past that and this is a deal breaker for most, if not all, of us.

I'm not surprised that you don't find him attractive. His behaviour is utterly repulsive.

LovelyFriend · 31/01/2016 22:17

Grape he's an alcoholic and it is not your fault. You can't fix him. You can't change him.

But at only 31 tying yourself to someone who is in a very bad place, when there is fuck all you can do about it - well you don't have to live like this. You can walk away. That is something you can control. Get your own life back.

He's not doing anything to get better and you can't fix him.

SuperFlyHigh · 31/01/2016 22:22

OP - trust me he IS having sex with someone else, just you don't know it yet and he thinks he can pull the wool over your eyes.

So his excuse for not meeting you is "I've passed out again". Do you realise how that makes him look to most sane people who are past the age of going out drinking until they're blotto?!

But as others have said you seem obsessed with this man. As someone said on a thread a few months back what does he have, this man, a golden cock?! and I'd wonder that too!

LindyHemming · 31/01/2016 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyndaNotLinda · 31/01/2016 22:43

He's a washed up old pisshead and you're putting up with it. Six bloody years you've been with him?

Do you want kids? You're pissing away your fertile years with a man who has fuck all respect for you.

Oh Grapes I feel so sorry for you for having so little self-love :(

BillSykesDog · 31/01/2016 22:44

SuperFly, he's probably not shagging someone else. When men are that pissed it's not normally something they are interested in or can do, nor are women very interested in having sex with them in that state.

RainOhJoyus · 31/01/2016 23:06

He does t see it as a problem,thinks he doesn't have to apologise, there you have it. That's how much he respects you.

Hissy · 31/01/2016 23:06

You are ONLY 31.

You deserve better.

I am 47

Even I deserve better

Duck90 · 31/01/2016 23:13

I see it as valuing time with the boys, rather being with a partner. Everything the guys do will be more important than you. These friends will be equally crap partners. They will be the sad group who think they are still handsome 20 year olds.

lorelei9 · 31/01/2016 23:17

Hissy, what has age got to do with deserving better?

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