To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

[Kitkatmonster]

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

The "tag 10 people" thing is most annoying. A way to get this challenge to flood your newsfeed so you can't miss it, with so many posting pics. Its a borefest. I won't be on FB for a few days as I tend to use it latter half of week so hopefully it'll all die down shortly

My friend tagged me in it. I ignored it. It's rubbish, like every other stupid Facebook chain tag.

YANBU, it's irritating bollocks and even my sensible friends seem to have been swept up with it.

YABU - severely disabled child, so my experience of motherhood is not happy families but other people's lives aren't hurtful to me. Other people hiding their lives doesn't make any difference.

The tagging other great mothers thing is annoying but the rest of it is fine. I've quite enjoyed the baby pics of some of my friends.

My news feed is full of them but so far no nomination for me... I can only assume no one thinks i am a good mother!

herethereandeverywhere For me the difference is that Mother's Day is about children showing their appreciation to their mothers whereas this is mothers congratulating themselves which is rather cringy. I don't mind seeing family pics, if the "challenge" was to just post your fave family pic it wouldn't be so bad at all. It's the way motherhood is presented as some kind of competition or exclusive club with mums nominating a fixed number of "good" mums and thereby excluding others.

It's very playground-esque and totally different to the concept of Mother's Day although I'm sure both things are a slap in the face for those who have lost a child or mother or are trying to conceive.

What u2 said.

Honestly, more and more I'm thinking that some posters are just stooges from the professionally offended society.

Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby

This again....without sounding insensitive, and sending out all the sympathy I have to people who are unable to conceive (my friend being one) I can not live my life being aware, at every single second, that someone somewhere, can't have children. My friend loves my children & loves seeing pictures of them.

I have children. I have facebook. If the two collide, it is because I want to share with people who love & care about my children. My facebook isn't a public space, everyone asked/or accepted an invite to be there. If they don't like what I post, they are free to leave. However, it is MY space & I will share what I like.

It also annoys me that this stuff is never directed at men I reworded mine to "parenting challenge", I didn't tag & I didn't invite anyone to repost..just left it open.

I will tell you what irritates me...the idea that if you DARE post photos or details about your children on fb, you are called SMUG! I am not smug. I am proud to have 2 lovely children who my family & friends adore, and want to see/hear about. If you don't like seeing this stuff on fb, why the fuck are you even on facebook??

Why can't mothers (or fathers) congratulate themselves? No matter what the circumstances, parenting isn't an easy part of life all the time (like I have to remind people of that on a parenting site)

Some of my friends have been through break ups and deaths of partners, children with serious illness. Some have had financial or emotional difficulties adjusting to parenting and all it entails - it IS an achievement to get through these things. I can't quite understand the hostility towards people simply taking an opportunity to reflect on good times.

Before long there'll be a holiday picture thing with people sharing their snaps of far flung places. Probably a pet one with people sharing pics of beloved pets. Some aren't well travelled, not everyone's a pet owner for any number of reasons, but it's a sad old day when you can't just let someone reminisce without feeling bitterness towards it.

I just think it's a load of old balls.

Totally get the divide of opinions on this one. Although there are some wincingly unempathetic comments re childlessness.

There is little else more soul destroying than not being able to have a child when you've been desperate for, and trying for a family for years and years. It hurts all the time and there is no escape - FB posts or no FB posts - so please stop comparing it to being jealous of new cars and exotic holidays, FFS.

God I hate holiday pics - we can't even go sodding camping because of disabled ds1 - but that's MY issue - not everyone else's. As for GCSE results this year (my son still on p scales), like a knife through the heart. But of course people are going to post them & I'm pleased they did. I wished everyone congratulations then turned FB off for a few days.

why do I need to see it again and comment because YOU are feeling nostalgic?

because you asked/accepted an invite to view her stuff? Seriously...

Others are denied that privilege, to rub it in their faces makes no sense. So do you have friends who can't conceive? Do you send your children out of the house, or remove their photos if said friends visit?

I resent being accused of rubbing people's noses in it! Why the need to try & make people who share photos of their kids feel like shit for doing so?

I would love to own my own home, perhaps my friend is rubbing my nose in it everytime she posts a photo of her new house?

Or perhaps she isn't, and it just proud that she now has a home that can fit all her family in?

I've been breastfeeding two babies in public for years now. Never a single problem. Get over yourselves Good for you. Just because that is your experience, doesn't mean it is the same for everyone else.

I have no idea that there isn't someone like that who may see pictures of my daughter on my friends' friends list. If you have your settings to "friends only" only your friends will see your photos.

Can I suggest people don't post pictures of their fathers on father's day because it hurts like fuck to see all these good dads when mine is a sociopath who wants nothing to do with me ... No, I suck it up and don't tell people that celebrating their relationship with their dad is hurtful to those of us without one. I don't belong in that father and daughter 'club' but I don't think people are being insensitive for celebrating that day on FB. SNAP!! Except it's my mother!

"Professionally offended" is usually shorthand for "I can't be bothered to make a proper argument". As is calling people who do it "smug"

Everyone's allowed to share their feelings and experiences about any thread they wish Yet, they are not allowed to share what they wish on facebook?

Ah the Facebook competition to see who's the best mother ever! 😒 Or just a popularity contest 🙄 Either way it's shit.

Personally, I don't see the point of this and find it trite. But I couldn't care less, fb is full of bollox anyway (not literally).

My friends' baby died one month ago. Every time I see this particular challenge I feel sad incase they've seen it too. I don't think baby pictures should be banned to protect them, I just have a moment of grief for their loss.

I agree! I've been nominated and I'm ignoring it as I struggled to get pregnant and know how I'd feel seeing that on my newsfeed. I think it's a bit nauseating tbh

I'm not smug. I also regularly post about my parenting failures if I believe they're interesting/ amusing to others and will give some kind of encouragement to those who are also struggling to deal with a stroppy 5 year old. I am anything but smug. But I am very proud of ds and the relationship he has with his half sister and cousins (from birth and via adoption) which I embrace and celebrate.

Having read the comments on here, I do agree that it should perhaps be a 'parenting challenge'. And it should make you think carefully about whether it's right to share what you have in the way you have with who you have, but it's mostly about personal judgement. My friends know me well enough to know that I'm not being smug. I am merely sharing happy memories, as I do when we talk in RL or in the 'olden days' when we dusted off a photo album. My very best memories in life have come not from belonging to some kind of special club, as some people on here are seeing it, but from the things I do with the most special person in my life. Why wouldn't I want my friends to share in that? It's called 'life'.

I too find the motherhood challenge smug and tactless.

It's not a challenge to post 3, 5 or however many pictures, as you can't decide as so many are perfect!
Women who have been through or going through IVF have been challenged. Women who are mothers in their hearts but are building a life childless have been challenged. Women who have lost children have been challenged. Posting pictures on Facebook to smugly boast about your children is not a challenge and choosing to be part of an insensitive campaign to flood people's news feeds with these pictures is crass. It's excluding others and pushing women off Facebook by rubbing salt into deep, painful wounds.

I have been through IVf and after 4 years and 5 negative pregnancy test we welcomed our DS. I'm guilty of posting pictures, about one a month, even though i found it hard during our wait, along with people bringing babies into work and family gatherings where another pregnancy was announced. It's unavoidable but I could remove myself from the situation. I've taken all but one down now. Ive left the one when he first arrived as nearly half of my Facebook friends liked it.

It's ok to post pictures of your children. It's great in fact, as children are a huge part of your life and account for all of your day. It's not a matter of not being able to post anything in case of upsetting one person, whether it's infertility or death. If you add them generally it's easy for others to scroll past if they don't want to see them.
The issue I have with the motherhood challenge is the way it's designed to dominate the newsfeed and making it difficult to ignore. It excludes people and reminds them what they don't have and therefore they're not invited to be apart of their Facebook game.

I like seeing my friends post about their children. However, my news feed is clogged with random people's kids who I have no idea who they are!

I've not RTFT, but what annoys me most is that it's exclusive to mothers, apparently Why not parents? Agree could be hurtful to those wanting to be, but unable to be mothers, but also lone fathers too!

I also hate those,'if you love your son' /'if you have a beautiful daughter' share this. Love isn't proved by sharing crap on FB.

My friends know me well enough to know that I'm not being smug. I am merely sharing happy memories, as I do when we talk in RL or in the 'olden days' when we dusted off a photo album

I totally agree, we all have challenges in life but surely we all like to see the people that we care about sharing memories that give them a glow. I agree it is not really a challenge but too often in life we are too busy doing to actually take time and reflect on the fact that we are doing a good job. If random people that I did not know or care about were sharing pictures of their children I would not care. However I have chosen these people as my friends, chosen to see their memories, photos, happy and sad moments - that is actually quite a privilege.

I also hate those,'if you love your son' /'if you have a beautiful daughter' share this. Love isn't proved by sharing crap on FB

I agree there, luckily I don't see many of those or the "share this of you care about autism/cancer .....

If random people that I did not know or care about were sharing pictures of their children I would not care. However I have chosen these people as my friends, chosen to see their memories, photos, happy and sad moments - that is actually quite a privilege.

I haven't chosen to be friends with these people though. I don't know them but yet I'm seeing very personal photos of their children. Its a bit worrying!

I am not seeing pictures from strangers - I am not sure why.

I understand if people are irritated by having a newsfeed packed with pictures of strange children that is different from being irritated by your friends simply reflecting on happy memories