To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

[Kitkatmonster]

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

[guiltynetter]

I've been tagged a few times but I just honestly don't see the point! I haven't looked at the pictures that people have posted so I don't really fancy posting mine.

[Gunting]

Yes, these posts are really getting on my tits now

[Roonerspism]

YANBU

It's crass. It's a "we belong" message.

And yes, very difficult for certain people.

[Limer]

Just woken up, seen this all over my FB (I've not been tagged), thought "aha, I bet MN has something to say on this!"

Loathe the idea of showing off motherhood in this way - a job for which no qualifications are required. Hardest job in the world? - bollocks.

[NellysKnickers]

No-one has nominated me. Must be cos I'm not an 'amazing' mum

[MrsS182]

*
It's crass. It's a "we belong" message.
*
This! It's not the photos that are the issue (although ive seen very private photos of people I don't even know). It's the wording of the "challenge" that grates for me.

[Throwingshade]

God I hate Facebook.

And I rather love Mumsnet, for threads like this where people say what they don't seem to be able to say elsewhere on the internet.

[TamaraLamara]

YANBU. It's simply another exercise in social media smugness. How on earth did our forbears cope without the facility to show off carefully highlighted aspects of their lives on a daily basis?

I'd love to see some rigorous research into social media and conformity, because the willingness of people to do whatever they're told on Facebook is pathetic. The shite people share just because everyone else is doing it is worrying. I've sadly discovered that some of my friends lack any capacity for critical thinking (namely all of the ones who re-posted the 'I hereby declare ...' bollocks and the 'Zuckerberg is giving away all of his money' bullshit)

[Suzietwo]

I think it's fucking annoying for a mutitude of reasons but that if people are so sensitive about infertility that they find it hurtful, Facebook probably isn't the place for them. They'd be doing a LOT of post hiding as everyone streams their kids photos and 'speshial' moments all the time.

[Throwingshade]

Also there was a very long running thread on MN a couple of years ago about whether motherhood was something that needed celebrating and applauding.

Some posters genuinely thought they should get a pat on the back or a medal for choosing to pushing a human out of their bodies and choosing to bring it up for their own gratification. I adore my children, as all mothers do, but I had kids for my own selfish reasons and because of a strong biological urge. Why would I expect appreciation and accolades for that, however hard it is at times?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Creeping? I think people just nominate their closest pals really.

I haven't done it btw, nor been nominated. My friends haven't posted posts of 10..if they did..so what

[BibaDiba]

I think you're being a bit dramatic. I'm not going to never share photos of my kids because someone else might not be able to have kids. Shall I never take them out in public either for the same reason? Ridiculous.
If you don't like it just don't engage with it. We can't all tiptoe around every single person's issues every second of the day.

[Hackedabove]

YANBU I like Fb and am forever clicking into it on my phone when bored but I hate all these challenge things and I'm doing this, do it too if you're great stuff.

Post what you want when you want, although now you've brought up the infertility issue which DH's cousin is going through this one seems even more rubbish.

[fastingmum123]

I haven't been tagged as I think most people know I never join in on these things (ice bucket challenge anyone).

I don't think other people should stop them because it might offend someone else but it does get to me a bit as I feel I don't tend to enjoy being a mum a lot of the time. Not that I don't love my dc I just find it more stressful than anything else. I also find these sort of things are just a competition of who can be the smugest a bit like the no makeup challenge ect it's all a bit self obsessed.

[PurportedFeminist]

I'm sure you've seen it,

No. What is it exactly?

[Dolly80]

The 'tag 10 mothers' bit annoys me, it's like a 'chain letter' (remember those!) I won't be doing it as, like others have said, I'll post pics of me and my daughter when I want not when I'm told too (and reposting old pics of us is just a bit boring!)

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

The wording of the 'challenge' irritated me too. I am still not sure if it is trying to raise awareness of something or if it is just an exercise in smugness.

I struggled with PND after having DS1. That was a motherhood challenge. Choosing three cute photos to put on FB? Not so much...

[Kitkatmonster]

Absolutely, it's the 'we belong' message rather than the photos per se, that I think could be insensitive - maybe not to everyone, but photos of families enjoying events or new babies are normal, photos to celebrate how happy and great you are as a mother (because sharing photos of your baby will hundreds of strangers is the epitome of good motherhood, yes?) are self indulgent and showy off. And I may or may not BU, but I hate , hate, hate it.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I think you need to lighten up op.

[Heatherplant]

I've yet to be tagged as one of the ten lucky 'wonderful mums' to post the three images that make me most proud to be a mum. It's just standard Fakebook rubbish there to remind you to unfollow people from your news feed.

[Suzietwo]

if we're going to breakdown what's irritating about it (bearing in mind I'm fucking irate this morning and definitely very unreasonable) it's

• the fact it's aimed at mothers not parents
  
• the smugness of the postings
  
• the irrelevance of the question/statement
  
• the pappy comments which it seems to invite
  
• the tagging of 10 others (10?!) making encouraging competition
  

Etc

Ps whoever mentioned all the other patenting shit we get slammed with on f/b - I've got your back too.

[Baconyum]

Yabu as with all similar fb fads it depends how you approach it.

You can hide the posts. But I also agree that if we had to consider all the possible sensitive issues of the people we share with you'd never post anything.

I was tagged and was surprised as I don't think I'm a great mum but the friend who tagged me knows I'm struggling with this at the moment and it was appreciated. In Addition I have lost 3 angel babies, its incredibly tough and everywhere you look, every TV ad, every song every smell can affect you at a time like that, but you can't stop other people living and celebrating their lives.

Among the women I nominated (and there's no reason this couldn't be done for father's too) are a woman who is now a mother after several years of TTC and fertility treatment and surgery, a woman who experienced a still birth, a woman who like me experienced multiple mc, a woman with a child with extreme autism, a woman with a child with a life limiting disability. Should I not feel glad to be able to give them an opportunity to celebrate being mothers?

[honkinghaddock]

I wouldn't take part in this and think motherhood challenge is a ridiculous phrase but I don't think people should be worried about posting photos of their children because it might upset others.
We took years to have ds needing ivf in the end. I feel a twinge when I see others posting about their children passing exams or other things ds will never do but accept that people shouldn't have to hide things away that make them happy.