To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

[Kitkatmonster]

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

thank you Purple, Kacie, Summer and Panda. I can't put it any better than you have.

My sisters all have children and it is literally all they ever talk about. I've tried to join in but there's definitely a 'we're all mothers and you're not do you won't understand' thing going on so I've given up. Sometimes the feeling of not being the same as everyone else really hurts.

That said FB is a load of balls anyway.

Purple

I too am sorry about your situation, that was my point, you really can't avoid it
Maybe it's a generation/ technical issue as well.
I don't mind being reminded through tv programmes or internet, where nobody can see me, but being stopped in the street, long before internet and mobile phones and asked when I was due was truly heart breaking and of course face to face with nowhere to hide.
Maybe if I'd have been in the mindset of posting to friends or text, word would have got around our small town and I'd have been saved the heart ache, who knows.

It all seems very silly- I haven't seen any of it.

I would never expect someone to censor the fact they have children though. Of course it's not wrong to find something hurtful. If you're upset you're upset, that's not normally a choice you make or something you can be either reasonable or unreasonable about. The sneery comments about people sharing pictures of kids though are ridiculous. As someone pointed out earlier, this is a parenting website full of people discussing the fact they are parents. Is that offensive or not? Or is it just pictures you don't approve of? I struggle to be sensitive towards anyone who takes such a bitter and twisted attitude towards another person doing absolutely nothing wrong

Are you for real?

NewLife, I think Purple's response is perhaps better than mine in explaining. I'm a bit hungry and about to make dinner so sorry if this reply doesn't make sense - however...

No - of course you can't avoid it in RL (which FB is a part of of course). In the last 18 months I have seen more pushchairs and parents than I ever have before. I have seen that everything in society is geared around families and kids. Believe me, I know you can't avoid it, so when there are extra little movements like this, it adds to it.

HOWEVER - again, I don't think anyone on this thread (may be wrong) has said "right! Let's ban this shit from happening!"

Instead a few people have said "yes, it has been an extra source of pain lately". There's been longing and some hurt. And there's been some shrugs and don't-care or don't-like-Facebook-anyway responses. And then there's been the "how dare infertile people say things like this, they're just being professionally offended for the sake of it" responses.

So my question is - why aren't we allowed to say that something's stung us? Here on an anonymous forum of all places? If Mums are "allowed" to feel one way about an FB trend about being a mum, why can't non-Mums too?

If you see it as an "omg eye-roll whinge" moment, just flick past the thread and move on surely?

If it's some weird form of guilt or something on a "have I hurt someone on my newsfeed?" sort of way, FGS deal with it and don't tell us off for having the emotional response in the first place...

Or who knows, maybe I'm just extra hungry. Will stay off MN until am well fed again!

I'd hate to think that somebody didn't post a group of photos of their babies because they thought it'd upset me! If someone wants to show off their children why the hell not, being a mother (& father) can be hard work. Show off what amazing little people you have made.
I lost my baby 4 years ago to SIDS, I gave birth to my rainbow baby 6months ago. I wanted to see my friends and family happy. I wanted to see their adorable little people. I loved seeing them grow up. What upset me was people treating me different because what I had lost. What still upsets me to date is my friend who'd had trouble conceiving for years actually feeling bad that she was pregnant and worried about telling me that's upsetting. I still wanted to be part of their family even though I no longer had one!

I don't personally do that sort of thing on FB but if you want to you do it!

I'm sorry for your losses glittter

I think I need to distinguish between those who feel genuine upset because of a personal loss and the almost standard view on MN that any kind of posting on FB is smug, boasting or spiteful.

Successful Career Challenge! Take a screenshot of your current account with at least £5k in it and tag 10 people who can do the same! Then in the comments talk about your bonus and share options and reminisce about holidays that have cost you thousands and how much equity you have in your houses! Round numbers only!

What are all these sensitive souls going to do when they see mothers and children out and about, going to school, shopping etc.

What are all these insensitive souls going to do when they meet childless people in person?

Tin they'll live up to being insensitive and probably manage to offend and upset in equal measure in as few words as possible. Childless women don't get to feel, we have 'never felt real love' as we don't have a child.

Agree with earlier posts about how it's 'us and them', the self-congratulations & exclusion of non-mums. Making us not count, even though we desperately, desperately want to have children. It's a self-congratulatory slap in the face and unnecessary - having children must be wonderful and joyful, and yes - share that with close friends and family on an adhoc basis, and let them share your lives & joy. But this gang mentality seems smug and absolutely excludes other groups.

My post above was fairly trollish, but imagine the outrage that would cause. It's exactly the same.

I love seeing baby and children photos on Fb. But I hate this nominate great mums thing. If I don't get picked, do my friends think I'm a rubbish Mum? If I do get picked, who do I pick or worst part, who do I not pick?

kacie

My apologies, I didn't mean to offend.
Certainly didn't mean to imply that people shouldn't have their own opinion and state they are offended or hurt.

Love that idea icy, might just start the ball rolling with a FB post now. Ah wait, I might hurt people who are less well off and make them feel inadequate. ...Oh well, they shouldn't be so sensitive hey?

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/feb/02/facebook-motherhood-challenge

Great article mondo.
Best quotation: 'there's a world of difference between happiness and smugness'
Sadly a difference that's utterly lost in translation on FB.

It's a harmless pointless bit of guff and it's hardly a 'challenge' but at least it doesn't make any ridiculous statements about how it will help to cure cancer or raise awareness of something or other.

None of my friends have nominated me. I think they've finally got the message that I just don't do this nonsense.

It's not a great article. It infers that equality and feminism are the reserve of the childless and we can't be both a successful female in our own right professionally as well as be a mum. The two are not mutually exclusive. Neither did Facebook 'demand' that I participate - I exercised my own judgement and chose to do so, despite the risk of accusations of 'sheep', 'smug' etc. I suspect the majority of others who posted did the same, for fun. I really think the article reads far more into it than is either necessary or particularly healthy. I also wonder how her friends feel now that she's outed them publicly as smug and without the intelligence to make their own informed decisions. If anyone should be accused of smugness it's the writer who looks down from her pedestal on us mere mortals, congratulating herself on her self importance and ability to rise above the banality of it all - by writing disparagingly about those who took part and their gloworm children. Nice.

Haven't seen anything about it on FB apart from one post from a friend who is TTC who had been finding it all upsetting (she is younger than me though so her crowd probably more into it?)

Am hoping none in my newsfeed and no tags means all my FB friends are mature and sensitive enough to rise above it all, and not that I haven't come to mind for any mothering gold stars!

Well I just thought I would pop onto this thread and let you know that some of you will be hearing soon from Child Services who will be taking your children away.

I have a definitive list of mn-ers whose Facebook timeline photos do NOT include selfies with thick shimmering filters and immense duckface and the caption "My boys my life"

I know who you are. Don't think you can get away with not loving your children in public much longer.

Happiness is living instead of pretending to!

I hate it too OP and will ignore any nominations.

In fact I might find some photos and cut & paste pints of beer and fags on to pics of my teenage DCs to show what a wonderful parent I am . Also hate the constant 'my wonderful child' posts. I love my children and they make me proud I really don't need to go on about it.

Don't think there's anything wrong with posting photos of your family as and when.

But... this motherhood challenge is smug, excluding and utterly wanky.

Please stop.

I have no idea what it is and I am glad I don't either. I don't really post pics of my children. It seems crass when you get to see them everyday and what you are basically asking people to do is to say how much they like the pics of your kids. I make a point of never liking them.