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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

293 replies

Kitkatmonster · 31/01/2016 07:20

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 31/01/2016 20:37

I think YABU. I've been nominated for the "challenge" and I'm glad because I can often be quite negative about parenthood (thankfully that's improved massively in the last year or two) and it's nice to look and identify moments in your child's life which have been happy - looking for the happy moments was one of the things which honestly kept me sane during the worst terrible parts.

I'm planning to repost it saying that I don't know any bad mothers on facebook but I'll tag (in the comments, so that it doesn't negate privacy settings) 10 people I think might enjoy the challenge.

3point14159265359 · 31/01/2016 20:48

YABU, it's a bit of FB silliness to pass some bored time.

I spent 8yrs being infertile, having tests, having IVF, having mcs, and it massively, massively sucked. You know what wouldn't have helped? Other people hiding their children from me.

Random FB silliness of many kinds got me through some long, sad days.

I now have children. It's amazing. I, as well as being hugely in love with them, am profoundly grateful for them, in a way I'm not sure I would have been if I'd have popped them out easily.

So, damn right I celebrate them, out loud, to anyone who'll listen at every chance I get.

(Plus also, motherhood is often reaaally boring and FB silliness passes time quite nicely...)

And I am of course very sorry for anyone that's still stuck in infertility limbo. It really is hell on earth that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Flowers

Sallystyle · 31/01/2016 20:50

No one nominated me. I'm not going to get all butthurt that it's because they think I'm a shit mum.

Far from 'can't be bothered' no one seems to have distinguished why Mother's day annually is okay but silly Facebook games are not.

Nope, or why it's ok to post pictures of yourself with your dad on father's day when others don't have a dad. How far do we take it? Don't talk about getting a sickness bug on FB because someone might have a relative who is seriously ill. We could go on and on.

I understand some people finding it hard to see, but what I don't understand is why some of those people think it is unreasonable or insensitive for others to take part.

I don't see the point of things like this on FB. Just seems to be a rather subtle goady one-upmanship, shared in the mistaken belief that it's a "bit of fun" or "harms nobody".

The point is some people will use any excuse to share their favourite pictures of their children, it's as simple as that. People take FB too seriously, so many people moan about the shit on there instead of coming off it or choosing their friends wisely. If something is a bit painful for me (like dad photos) I just scroll down or turn the computer off. I don't expect others to change their fb habits to please me and I don't think people are being insensitive to me or people like me when they post dad pictures. It's sad I can't take part but that's not their fault.

Sparklycat · 31/01/2016 20:51

It's very annoying! Not even remotely a challenge.

tinofbiscuits · 31/01/2016 20:52

no one seems to have distinguished why Mother's day annually is okay but silly Facebook games are not

Did anyone actually say that was true for them?

3point14159265359 · 31/01/2016 20:52

sparklycat maybe you don't have as many photos as me? I'd find it a challenge Wink

3point14159265359 · 31/01/2016 20:54

I found Mothers Day awful when I was infertile, just awful. I would often not get out of bed on it.

I didn't expect everyone else to not treat their mums though. Or be treated as they were mums.

Mrskeats · 31/01/2016 20:55

Yanbu
It's all over my newsfeed too. Smug I agree and insensitive
Nearly as annoying as all the clean 9 forever bollocks

PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2016 21:01

Nearly as annoying as all the clean 9 forever bollocks

Nothing is as annoying as clean 9 forever bollocks! Grin

ShaHal125 · 31/01/2016 21:01

There's a very similar thread going at the minute

I liked it, thought it was rather nice an I think people who have a problem with it are over thinking it for somthing to be "cross" about. after having my 1st baby die 2 hours after he was born, 2 miscarriages I finally got my little girl, she's my 4th pregnancy and only living child so I was more than happy to share pictures of what makes me happy to e a mum, because I am happy and I'm very lucky to have her

When did procreating become something which women are proud of, as if it was something unusual or a major achievement?

Might not be to you but I'm incredibly proud of finally being able to have a living baby 😊

colouringinagain · 31/01/2016 21:05

Yanbu.

I've found this vv irritating. And now a lovely friend has nominated me. I really don't want to do the 10 people thing though. Can I be extra smug and just say I think all the mums I know are doing a fab job? Wink

PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2016 21:06

Look, there are lots of us saying we find seeing the mums' club all over Facebook hard and not particularly sensitive. Is anyone seriously saying people shouldn't take part? Not really. The op was only asking whether she was ok to be irritated by it. It wasn't as if she was going to campaign to have it banned.

whirlybird42 · 31/01/2016 21:11

Yanbu - it's made me wince several times today. It's smug beyond words. I know way too many people who've had fertility issues or loss recently. They don't need to be bombarded with this stuff and neither do I.

It's safe to say I won't be joining in.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/01/2016 21:19

I think the difference is knowing, you can't live your life in fear of possibly offending someone, maybe.

I personally know someone who has had losses, so even if I didn't find it trite (and wasn't a horrible cow who people avoided nominating), I wouldn't because I know she would see and might be hurt.

Berora · 31/01/2016 21:41

"Nominate ten women I think are great mothers"
Sorry, but that is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard of. One more good reason to stay away from FB...

MadisonAvenue · 31/01/2016 22:04

I've not been nominated, but then I was the only person in the world not to be nominated for either the no make up selfie or the ice bucket challenge so no surprise there....

DarkDarkNight · 31/01/2016 22:13

I post pictures of my child occasionally but haven't responded to this challenge yet even though I've been tagged. I think it's a bit smug, and it makes me feel bad for people on my friends list who don't have children but perhaps wanted them.

SnobblyBobbly · 31/01/2016 23:39

It's no smugger than scrolling past a bunch of fancy holiday pics or Sue from up the school with the new car she got for her birthday.

I'd much rather see people's children! Post and let post I say.

MistressDeeCee · 31/01/2016 23:49

It does make me roll eyes. Ive been nominated to put up the 3 pics which make me the most proud to be a mother, is it that one? Ive been seeing it for the past week. I know I'll get nominated but Im going to ignore. It does flood your newsfeed when everyone's doing it, its just another way to show off. It just has "smug" written all over it. Im 52 and am quite surprised some people I know arent "over" this kind of thing, they're mostly lovely in real life but on FB its any excuse for a selfie or some kind of show off "challenge". As we're all in our 50s not in our 20s I can't fathom it. I accept Im probably old fashioned tho. I don't put family photos up but I do like FB for music dance and crafts forums

GanglyGiraffe · 31/01/2016 23:51

I just don't understand how posting photos of your children can be deemed 'smug' Confused

I haven't don't it personally because I don't want pictures of my DC posted on 10 people's walls and I hate jumping on the fb bandwagon.

I also agree that it's ridiculous to say people shouldn't post because others may not be able to have DC, where does it end. It's a bit like on here when you get shouted at for posting the word 'Christmas' outside the correct topic. Just incase it turns someone else into a quivering reck. You would spend a lot of your life upset if that was the case.

clockbuscanada · 31/01/2016 23:59

YANBU. Any time someone tags me in any sort of peer pressure bollocks like this I make a donation to an anti-bullying charity and explain why. It's cliquey juvenile nonsense and I want to set a better example to my DC than use social media to deliberately fawn over or ostracise people based on a personal characteristic they might not have any control over.

crispytruffle · 31/01/2016 23:59

I won't bother doing it. I actually find photos of other peoples kids quite boring. 'oh look at my baby eating an avocado"... and? Yawn. I also have two friends on my Facebook who have had failed IVF so I wouldn't be so insensitive to get involved really.

MistressDeeCee · 31/01/2016 23:59

I didn't see OP say people shouldn't post photos of their children. She asked if she was BU to feel irritated by it. Im happy to click like when friends post photos of their children. But this challenge does feel smug "oh look at me"so yeah, its irritating to me. Friends already know Im a mother, I know they are mothers joining in this "challenge" won't change that its just another FB thing that takes over for a time but this one seems relentless & causes loads of notifications too.

3point14159265359 · 01/02/2016 00:21

It's cliquey juvenile nonsense and I want to set a better example to my DC than use social media to deliberately fawn over or ostracise people based on a personal characteristic they might not have any control over.

Might you be over-thinking it just a tiny bit?

GinBunny · 01/02/2016 00:38

I've not read the thread yeah I know but as someone who doesn't have children because of fertility issues I fucking hate this. I feel inadequate enough thanks.

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