To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

[Kitkatmonster]

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

[Stanky]

I got nominated and didn't do it. I'm always getting stupid messages saying pass this on to 10 people you want to hug. Don't scroll past without typing amen, or you're basically Hitler. Click like if you love your kids/mum/dog. I ignore them all. I never was very good at doing what I'm told.

[abbsismyhero]

i wouldn't mind apart from the "tag ten great mothers" part no one has tagged me i feel enough of a failure and i struggle with negative thought loops after coming out of an EA relationship its no ones fault but im stepping away from facebook till it blows over

i know this is my issue and i wouldn't stop anyone from playing the game its just too close to home for me

[Mumberjack]

Ive been tagged twice but haven't responded. Along with my toddler daughter, who I only post selected photos of, do I share a photo of my stillborn daughter (the photos are very precious to me so don't want them splashed on friends' profiles), and do I also share a photo of my bump seeing that I'll be giving birth in under a month (again I haven't shared with fb)?? Plus as someone who did struggle with infertility I do know that some of my friends may feel gutted whenever they see these photo collages...

Damn you Facebook for making me feel like I'm not a proud mother if I don't share photos of my children. I'm very very proud of them thanks very much!!!

[Birdsgottafly]

""I'd love to see some rigorous research into social media and conformity"

When I was doing an Access Course, as a Mature Student, the Students that we're going on to the Science and Psychology degrees, all did their research assignment
on Social Media.

It was a subject matter than has had research done on it.

Some Mums are isolated, find it difficult and feel shit about them now not working etc. What's wrong with giving them a boost.

I'm more annoyed by the sainthood a that are put on every homeless person, especially using them as a reason why we should leave the Syrian children to starve/freeze to death. So I hide them posts.

SM does change people's responses, as I'm sure does posting anonymously, on here.

[TamaraLamara]

Should I not feel glad to be able to give them an opportunity to celebrate being mothers?

How does it 'celebrate' being a mother? And why does anyone need to 'celebrate' being a mother anyway? I'm pretty sure my mother and grandmother didn't go round to the neighbour's houses to show them some randomly chosen photos of their kids to celebrate motherhood and then ask ten other women in their neighbourhood to do the same thing. This modern obsession with LOOK AT MY BITS OF MY LIFE!!! smacks of neediness.

I might start a 'Wifey challenge' where people can re-post pics of them with their husband to celebrate how wonderful it is to be a wife, and then they can tag other wives they know to join in too.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

It's silly and not something I'd participate in personally but I do share select photographs of my daughter on Facebook, as and when I choose to.

I think you are overthinking it, really.

[ricketytickety]

Yeah, agree it's more fb bollocks. Being a mother is wonderful but not all mothers are wonderful and not all women want to be mothers. Lots of stuff that happens on fb is social policing - like those things that go round about secret illnesses and if you don't share it then you don't care about those who suffer from them etc etc. I think it does more harm than good in the sense that it's more about showing off or being in that club than celebrating being a good enough mother. Nothing should make you feel like showing pictures of your children to the world and if you don't you're not celebrating your motherhood. So yanbu.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Well I've enjoyed seeing my friends' and sisters' old photos. It's about sharing memories as far as I'm concerned, that's all. What a soulless life it is if we can't do that for fear of offending someone. Not exactly in the same league as the Britain First and 'type amen' ones.

[TamaraLamara]

When I was doing an Access Course, as a Mature Student, the Students that we're going on to the Science and Psychology degrees, all did their research assignment
on Social Media

I was thinking more along the lines of peer-reviewed studies, rather than student projects. I'm sure there is some out there. It's fascinating (and depressing) just how easily, and without rational thought, people will do exactly what they're told to do on social media. I wonder if these same people are as malleable in real life too? I have a friend who is fantastically well-educated and bizarrely she falls for every single FB hoax going. It's the sheep-like 'click click click because they told me to' that I'm intrigued by. When did people stop thinking for themselves?

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

It's a load of self congratulatory bollocks. Hardly a challenge. I think it is more hurtful than ordinary photos for someone with infertility as it's pointing out the club that you're not in.

[LastOneDancing]

It is trite and naff. I have been nominated and tbh I would quite like to share my favourite photos, but I am very aware of the hurt it could cause and the rolled eyes I'd get. And all that 'good mother' blurb makes me itch anyway so I won't.

I've shared very little about my pregnancy - certainly no scans, bump shots or pregnancy moans to try and be sensitive but I will share a pic of my newborn which - because of my lack of sharing - will be a surprise to some anyway I guess.

[Baconyum]

Our mothers and grandmother's didn't have Facebook but they had christenings and birthdays and first communions and photographs that they framed and put on display, they would have told people when they were pregnant, celebrated giving birth and their child's achievements this is just an extension of that. Progress of a kind.

I also don't appreciate being called a sheep I'm far from. I don't share the stuff that's obviously a hoax or even less obviously, I check facts as much as possible before sharing and think about what I post/share on fb as I did with this. I'm sure the other pps who've posted on this thread that participated in this don't like being called sheep either.

In fact it could be said its just as sheep like to not participate in something merely so you can claim to be 'above all that'. Fb is about creating a virtual community that is why it was created in the first place, to extend the feeling of a university community beyond graduation.

[TheoriginalLEM]

its up there with share if you love your children/husband/next door neighbours aunts budgie

[herethereandeverywhere]

Well on the basis of the logic of many on this thread we should abolish Mother's Day. The ultimate in making the infertile feel left out surely?

I'm always baffled by those who are clearly on Facebook but constantly find fault with what people post on it. Just de-register! It is your choice what you read.

I'm a Facebook fan overall but find these sorts of list 10 things and nominate 10 people things childish nonsense - like when girls in the playground made up their own gangs/clubs. I chuckle and ignore.

[NigelLikesSalad]

This one really annoyed me the first time I saw it and thought 'here we go agin'. There's always some random rubbish of FB. Just hide it and ignore.

[ricketytickety]

I'm interested to know if when people did do it and nominated another 10 did any part of you say 'I don't want to do this' but you did because you might either offend the person who nominated you or because once your name was publically nominated and you didn't do it, others might think you were saying you didn't enjoy motherhood or think you were a good mother?

Because I think that's a big part of why people are doing it. And that's social policing. And I'm not saying anyone is a 'sheep' for doing it, just that the social pressure to do it is strong. And they in turn are putting other people under pressure to do the same.

What is the overall point of it? It's another chain thing to make people do stuff they don't really want or need to do. It's not the same as a christening party as that involves people gathering together and enjoying eachothers' company.

[sallysparrow157]

Usually I despise this shite. But the first person I saw sharing their pics was a lovely lovely ex colleague who struggled for years with infertility and miscarriages and now is a mum, so her photos were genuinely poignant.

The next few people I saw sharing pics were childless friends of mine who'd responded by sharing moments that make them proud to be a crazy cat lady, so there were some very cute pictures of cats and kittens!

So this Facebook bit of bollocks has both reminded me how pleased I am that my friend is finally a mum, and also let me see cute kitties. So much as I agree that it's bollocks, it's pissed me off much less than Facebook bollocks usually does!

[ArgyMargy]

These things used to irritate me but now I just scroll past, thinking oh yes another FB piece of nonsense for others to enjoy.

[hogbreath]

All Facebook fads are shit. I ignore the lot. Thankfully I haven't seen this one.

[Blackpoollassy]

YADNBU it has seriously pissed me off. So insensitive

[herethereandeverywhere]

But Blackpool WHY is is so insensitive? Is Mother's Day insensitive?

What are people allowed to post about if they have to avoid the misfortunes of others?

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I agree it's awful. I don't see the necessity for it either - people post pictures of their kids at random times anyway - of their own choosing, which is fine with me (although too many get on my nerves a bit). Why do people have to be sheep and post a load of them all at once just because someone told them to?

And how the fuck is it a "challenge"?!

still, it's not as bad as the latest one on my feed "post X pictures of yourself when you feel beautiful"

Bleurgh....

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I don't even like the Timehop thing. Especially when someone is a fan of posting them ALL the time, and they're very ordinary photos (not relevant to anything in particular). I've seen the picture before - why do I need to see it again and comment because YOU are feeling nostalgic?

[FlatOnTheHill]

Cant believe this is bothering you. Other people dealing with fertility issues has nothing to do with it and its no one elses problem. What next. You cant post a pic of your new car because those that cant afford one will get jealous.

[TimeToMuskUp]

I got nominated and posted three photos; my favourite page from Go the Fuck To Sleep, a picture of a double decker bar and a picture of a Hendricks bottle. Because Facebook is a place for flippancy and silliness, not heartfelt messages of devotion to ones children (who probably won't ever even see the photos posted).

I have friends who are unable to have children. I see firsthand how crass people can be on Facebook. For that reason I don't use Facebook as a tool to parade my motherhood or parenting skills. My children are asshats, but I know exactly how fortunate I am to have them. Others are denied that privilege, to rub it in their faces makes no sense.