To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

[Kitkatmonster]

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

[tinofbiscuits]

How does anyone cope in the real world if they can't bear the sight of a child?

With great difficulty. Infertility can be very hard.

[KacieB]

Have to admit, it's stung actually. As one of the recurrent MC people with no kids, I've already pretty much withdrawn from Facebook, have to check in now and then though - and today did particularly make me feel rubbish, especially seeing a particular message from someone I thought was supportive at work.

Just another shitty time among many though and I don't expect others to stop celebrating their joy just because I'm losing hope.

In case it's stung for anyone else at the moment too - this too will pass. Hope you're all doing ok

[toffeeboffin]

I couldn't agree more.

Sick of the whole FB thing. Especially mate who is now pregnant, we were the same time along except I miscarried (she doesn't know, I was only six weeks gone).

So now every bump pic et etc ad nauseum just stings. Living out your life on fbook to me is just so narcissistic.

Seems like others couldn't really give a shit. It's as if it's designed to make you feel shit.

I feel guilty but I cannot be happy.

[toffeeboffin]

I'm more and more tempted just to remove my profile altogether, it rarely makes me feel good!

[Shirkingfromhome]

I hate crap like this. No one really cares. I haven't seen one comment on the photos posted that congratulate the mum on being amazing. A photo of a mum and her kids smiling isn't really amazing is it? The time when you've been up all night, when you're covered in puke, or you've just bollocked your child because they nearly killed themselves is the real challenge, and no one takes a photo of that.

YANBU OP.

[Lime12]

I just said this to my dh earlier. I have not done the motherhood challenge. It's so silly and if I was struggling with infertility (which I did a few years back) it would be difficult to take. My Facebook feed is full of this crap. Peoples kids I don't even know just because they have been silly and tagged my friends. Very very odd.

[greenkitee]

Yes I'm really hurt by it! The comments say "I'm going to tag 10 friends who I think are brilliant mothers etc..." I have come out of the end of PND, 18 of my friends have done it and not once have I been tagged, feel proper shit. I know its only FB but still

[BillSykesDog]

It's smug. Just smug, smug, smug, smug smug which should smug off to the other side of smug and take it's smug with it.

[patienceisvirtuous]

herethere 'the infertile' ...lovely 😒

[bigbadbarry]

Nobody has nominated me. I am choosing to believe that this is because they know I am a huge cynic and won't join in, rather than that I am known as a shit mum.

[herethereandeverywhere]

Good grief the professionally offended are out in force today.

JUST HIDE IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. [SMILE]

[tinofbiscuits]

Offence can be genuine and heartfelt herethere. There's nothing "professional" about that.

[cantgonofurther]

I never get "nominated" for anything on Facebook anyway.

[8reasonstohide]

I'm sensitive. I have seen lots on my newsfeed and ladies whom I consider close friends have tagged others but not me.
There is so much that can be said about it - good and bad - but for me, I felt a bit hurt and actually questioned by parenting skills. Now I know it is silly and stupid to allow such a trivial thing to get to me but it did and it does for others too. Although I also see the positives in it.
Like everything, you can't please them all! I have nothing against the 'mother thing' at all, but it still made me feel a little 'left out'.

[BlueBlueBelles]

Yanbu. I have a friend who has long term infertility and I flinched when I saw theses.

I did see some showing pictures of cats and dogs (term fur babies makes my teeth itch) though as a "I don't have children but"

DP was going to do a father parody - here are all the pictures of me doing shite parenting with my son kind of thing, but he couldn't be bothered.

I have over 200 friends, vast majority of which are mothers. I've not been tagged yet. My friends finally realise I find it a load of bollocks and wouldn't do it

[PurpleDaisies]

Good grief the professionally offended are out in force today.

I (and others) said I found it personally upsetting. That isn't to say anyone shouldn't take part in it if they want to. I feel exactly the same about bump and scan pictures.

"Professionally offended" is usually shorthand for "I can't be bothered to make a proper argument".

[KacieB]

Gosh, I wish I was being professionally offended herethere, I'm sure others are too. The times when infertility hits hard are not easy to just blink away.

Would never say anything on FB or real life, but it's nice to have somewhere to express myself. Am sure I'm not alone there.

[herethereandeverywhere]

The proper argument was "should we abolish Mother's Day to avoid offending [phrase for people who are unable to have children]"

Far from 'can't be bothered' no one seems to have distinguished why Mother's day annually is okay but silly Facebook games are not.

[whaleshark]

I would have put it down as a bit of harmless fun, had I not seen a very recently bereaved mother tagged in it today. I was gobsmacked that anyone could actually be that insensitive!

[herethereandeverywhere]

There is plenty of support and understanding at appropriate places on the internet and on this site. Complaining about those who choose to celebrate things that make their own lives joyful is not an appropriate outlet IMO.

Finding fault in the phrasing of a argument about Facebook is also IMO being professionally offended. The phrase wasn't used on the conception thread, nor would it ever be, ditto Facebook etc.

In fact, search enough of my posts and you'll find one from me which states I'm sad that the GP test referral form stated 'infertility' on it. Like I said, time and a place.

[Pedestriana]

I've friends who've had issues with miscarriage, infertility, abusive ex-P's. I will not be participating. My page is locked down to limit photo views.

I don't see the point of things like this on FB. Just seems to be a rather subtle goady one-upmanship, shared in the mistaken belief that it's a "bit of fun" or "harms nobody".

[Walkthroughthefire]

YANBU

[Hodgebodge]

Quite agree herenow. Infertile people bring the whole mood of the place down, don't they? Back to the miscarriage threads you lot.

[PurpleDaisies]

There is plenty of support and understanding at appropriate places on the internet and on this site. Complaining about those who choose to celebrate things that make their own lives joyful is not an appropriate outlet IMO.

I guess I must have missed the memo where it said you are only allowed to talk about the ways in which infertility makes you sad on the infertility board. This thread was started to discuss the mothers challenge on Facebook. I don't understand why people "complaining" about a subject they personally find difficult is a problem.

[tinofbiscuits]

There is plenty of support and understanding at appropriate places on the internet and on this site.

I don't see the need to marginalise anyone. Everyone's allowed to share their feelings and experiences about any thread they wish. The OP of this thread mentions infertility several times.