To want to get rid of a lot of DD's presents?

[lill72]

Over the years DD has been given many things by my MIL in particular, that include a handmade quilt and other things for her room. She asks me what kind of quilt I would like, but then never really listens to me anyway and goes ahead and just makes what she wants. So I end up with room decor that does not really fit into the room. Even though I sent her a photo of the room. So I end up with this mish mash of thinsg in her bedroom and I would really like to do it my way and have it with all the things I like. Feel slightly torn. Not big in the grand scheme of things, but along with all the Dora tshirts and Frozen pyjamas is clogging up the small bedroom with things I despise. Any ideas on how on how to manage this? Will i ever have the room I want? Not big in the big scheme of things, but impacts every day if you know what I mean!

Catch a grip OP

It's pretty difficult to keep a child's bedroom looking pretty and colour coordinated after the age of 6 months

I get both sides of this. I get inundated with HIDEOUS hand made clothes from MIL which all go straight in a box in the loft. However I also remember my mum decorating my room as a 'surprise' when I was 7. I was supposed to be really pleased and excited but it was horrible. Just looked and felt like the rest of the house- hers not mine. She put a wicker basket of dried grasses in there ffs!

Was it this lamp ?

I have a beautiful quilted double throw that my aunt made for me when I was about 14. When I got it, I didn't really like it. To my shame I mostly hid it away and hated having it out on show. Some of the fabrics are a bit, er, quirky and the colours don't go with anything that a teenager in the 00s would like.

I took it with me when I went away to university and I've had it on every bed I've ever had since. I've picnicked on it, had sleepovers in it, snuggled under it watching movies when I'm sick. I've dried my eyes on it when I've had my heart broken, I've fed my babies on it, I've let my cat sleep on it. It's one of my most prized possessions. It's come back into fashion for a bit while 'shabby chic' is/was a thing. But I don't care anyway. It's a part of my life and my history, far more than any of the 'tasteful' stuff I owned as a teenager.

Don't throw your daughter's handmade gifts away because they don't fit your 'style' in 2016.

Why would you make a quilt not to the colours and design agreed upon,though?Damned expensive and a labour of love wasted.Sounds like a huge Ego trip to me.

Sorry for OP ...you are not unreasonable about this.

I never said I was an interior designer!!! Sorry I don't want a garish bright pink bedroom full of crap!!! Because that is what it would if DD was left to own devices!

My DD has lots of crap throughout the house. The Frozen duvet is ONE out out a million things I can't cope with it! It is enormous in a small London flat. Hence why I can't have much in her room. I need to put things away /be selective our of necessity.

Floggin - you are very bitter. Bet YOU have great taste. Get back to your Cath Kidston and Boden catalogues love.

I think the room is not even remotely designer looking - am just trying to create a lovely room for DD. Hmmm since when dd hat become a crime.

PS MIL designed quilt after she knew what the room looked like. After asking me what I wanted.

Our flat used to be full of stuff given to us by my family and in-laws and I used to think I had to keep it all. Clutter everywhere. Hand knitted cardigan my dd never wears as it's too hot. In the end the clutter became depressing and I'm sure that's not what the gift-giver intended or would want for us. So now I am very strict about what we keep and give things to charity often. Just do it!!

My dd is 3 and I let her choose her room colours etc but put a bit of a limit on the garish pink crap. Steer her towards a nice shade of pink!!

Sweetheart - I am coming to the same realisation! Currently reading Marie Kondo! Have you read?

Am keeping quilts etc, but other stuff bought by MIL etc to go!

A couple of years ago, I found a gift we gave to MIL in HER gifting cupboard, ready to regift!! So now I dont feel so bad!!

Mackerel I thibk much the same as you. Life is about memories, connections and not 'stuff'.

Yes, clutter can be annoying but a handmade gift from your MIL should be something to treasure.

What lesson is it teaching your daughter OP? That other people's gifts and effort to create something for you- however misguided- is to be sneered at because they aren't stylish enough?

If my son ever looked down at a handmade gift from a family member I would ashamed.

Mackerel love your post about the quilt, reminds me of Mary Chapin Carpenter's song This Shirt, do you know it? Sorry don't know how to link on tablet.

Neversaid I was giving quilt away!

Floggingmolly you make me lol. Not being sarcastic, you just have a funny turn of phrase.

I know my "taste" comment sounded haughty. I actually tried to change it to say "to have your own taste" or sense of style or whatever. But I had already clicked Post... I think the OP used the pineapple lamp to show that she's not averse to colourful and fun things - just not the kind of overly-patterned disney style stuff that can be hard on the eyes.

I also strongly suspect that the OP will be happy to let her daughter design her own room when she's older. Dontunderstand01 you were 14! The OP's daughter is 5. I doubt many have let their 5-year-olds dictate their own decor, usually kid's rooms just evolve on their own, but if there are people out there who have the time money and inclination to do up their children's rooms, I think that's great.

I find it funny that you don't want yourMIL's influence on your DD's room, and then ask "will I ever get the room I want?.

It's your DD's room. Not your room!

My mother makes all sorts of things with my daughter and we end up with them in my house. We have fairy shadowbox theatres made out of cardboard, little animals made out of face flannels with glued on eyes, pictures with glitter stuck all over them. I find it charming.
My mother also has a friend who knits things for my little girl. The latest was a blanket in colours that I do not like - but it is made with love, so soft and cosy and my daughter loves it. I have a living room which is decorated in colours that directly clash with this blanket and when my daughter brings it down for a cuddle on the sofa the colours of the blanket and the room are a scary clashing mess, but who cares? It is home.
Children's rooms are generally a mishmash of things anyway - my daughter has toys and dress up clothes all over the place and pins her own artwork to the walls. It's lovely.

I hear you. My MIL's taste is a million miles from mine and even when she asks for suggestions, still gets it 'wrong'. I take a generous view and keep the things which are made with love even if they are far from right and ditch the tat that has come from the charity shop. They are total hoarders thought and magpies to boot. My house would be full to the rafters if I kept everything they gave us.

I do wish she'd knot using nicer wool though. My DD is a tiny little petit thing and stuff cardis in heavy acrylic wool are just not practical. I LOVE handknits but her stuff just isn't great and DD often refuses to wear them. The knitted soft toys are better

My mum let me choose how my room was decorated when I was 5, it was a hideous mish mash or forever friends bears (curtains and bedding) and my little pony (rug and posters and wall border) and red hearts. I loved it, I'm sure DM didnt. And at some point green and pink walls.
I went all Goth at 13 and had black and red walls too.
Was always allowed to chose my room and I really enjoyed it

I do get this, especially the being given gifts that either aren't wanted, especially if you had your opinion sought beforehand.

My compromise is to have the 'big stuff' to my taste ie neutral walls (with tasteful stickers when they were younger), carpets, furniture etc and to give limited choice over duvet covers, rugs etc. What stuff they keep and where they keep it is up to them (although I have a clear out every few months).

My children never had character duvets and the like, and I kept the branded shite to a minimum ie a pack of Charlie and Lola knickers were dd's favourite xmas present when she was 4.

Yy to decluttering, as it's clutter that makes a room feel uncomfortable.

Is it worth investigating what the Japanese do about storage in tiny rooms. They're extremely creative on the issue. Then stuff as much as you can into the storage and let your daughter pull out the things she loves most. I bet a lot of it will stay hidden.

I think like with anything you just have to pick your battles. Clearly you can let DD choose some things, but not others. DD is 4 and she only watches CBeebies so if she was given branded Nickleodean or Disney clothes, we probably wouldn't let her wear it. She does have a character duvet but it's pastel and quite pretty - I don't think it has a big impact on her room, which is big and not full of branded stuff.

To be honest, just enjoy the time you can control how the bedroom looks because before long DD will put up a fight and you will have to let her express her own taste!

I disagree Hissy, it seems more silly to me to decorate an entire room around a quilt you don't like.

I get you, op. It sounds to me like the problem is with your MiL rather than the room per se. It sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed with stuff from her. There is a limit to what we can all store and how much stuff we want our children to expect to have. My dd loves her little trips to choose a couple of t-shirts or whatever but I want her to understand that we buy things because we need them. If my MiL took it upon herself to buy so much that I never had the chance to help my dd choose I would feel sad.

The other thing is that by ignoring what you said about colour, it can feel like she is not respecting your views. I bet if she had just made a quilt without asking you would have said 'ok it doesn't go but she couldn't know that and how lovely to make something'. If however, she knows you are enjoying decorating, asks what you want and then ignores that it feels like she is just saying that her ideas are better than yours and your opinion doesn't matter and yet because it is a gift you have to be grateful. It can be very undermining.

I don't even remember the decor in my rooms as a kid. I didn't give a shit if it was "lovely" and bespoke. I just wanted my crappy plastic toys around and space to play. Chill out for goodness sake. Go mess about with your room or something.