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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get rid of a lot of DD's presents?

179 replies

lill72 · 30/01/2016 15:49

Over the years DD has been given many things by my MIL in particular, that include a handmade quilt and other things for her room. She asks me what kind of quilt I would like, but then never really listens to me anyway and goes ahead and just makes what she wants. So I end up with room decor that does not really fit into the room. Even though I sent her a photo of the room. So I end up with this mish mash of thinsg in her bedroom and I would really like to do it my way and have it with all the things I like. Feel slightly torn. Not big in the grand scheme of things, but along with all the Dora tshirts and Frozen pyjamas is clogging up the small bedroom with things I despise. Any ideas on how on how to manage this? Will i ever have the room I want? Not big in the big scheme of things, but impacts every day if you know what I mean!

OP posts:
SunsetGirl · 30/01/2016 16:13

Dont want the room to look out of Pinterest, just not such a mish mash of things that aren't my taste.

I had a male friend whose mum was like this, and so he has a flowered bedspread, at 24. Hmm

Akire · 30/01/2016 16:16

The quilt can be kept or just used now and again. It didn't have to have pride of place.

Not sure about pjs and tops unless you are saying your daughter wearing them looks untidy? Surely they would just be in a draw?

LeaLeander · 30/01/2016 16:19

Get or make duvet covers so the quilts can be used but the distasteful color combos are covered up.

Pico2 · 30/01/2016 16:21

'Guess it is just that thing when you have a child, you have this dream of the perfect room.....'

I think that's a fairly unusual dream. I have a 5 yo and I dream of her making those decisions herself. And it wouldn't be what I would choose, but it's hers.

hiccupgirl · 30/01/2016 16:21

I'd leave it as it is tbh as at 5, I reckon your DD probably quite likes it as it is.

My DS (6) has a bedroom that is a huge mishmash of stuff. He loves picking up bits and pieces that are special to him (load of tat in my eyes) but his bedroom is where he keeps them and that's fine by me.

Also my MIL knit him jumpers up till last year which while not my favourite thing, DS loves. She died in October so the jumpers are extra special nana jumpers now. Keep the quilts for the special thing they are, even if you then lose the Dora t'shirts etc in the wash.

YellowTulips · 30/01/2016 16:21

But the OP isn't saying her DD doesn't get a say in how her room is decorated is she?

She's saying she want to do it in conjunction with DD and pare down all the mis-matched items.

I can't see how that's even slightly unreasonable. As long as she's not throwing out items that DD is very attached to what's the problem?

If you reverse it what would you say? "my DIL wants to re-decorate my grand-daughters bedroom. I have bought quilts and furnishings over the years for DGD and think that she has a cheek to think she should start again and decorate a room in her house with things she has chosen, rather than the ones I have bought. AIBU to insist that the decor of DGD's room is none of her business?"

fuzzpig · 30/01/2016 16:22

YABU her room is not about your tastes

Original poster
lill72 · 30/01/2016 16:29

It probably sounds all about me - it isn't. It is just my DD's are both young enough I can still have a say!!! Its a thing I really enjoy. I am trying to create a dream bedroom my daughter will love - with lots of lovely little things and baskets for dressing up and nooks with cushions for cosy reading at night. Not STERILE at all. Just like the decor to be not hard on the eye! It probably is years of working in a design environment and living with friends who were art directors that has ruined everything for me! My friend used to art direct the bookshelves over and over! It's a tortured existence!

Teen and Tween - some good suggestions!

Yellow Tulips - exactly! thank you! Yes good idea you have to design. MIL is about to make DD2 quilt so i am trying to point her in the right direction!

OP posts:
Valentine2 · 30/01/2016 16:32

It takes a lot of time to make handmade things and lots of love too even if she does not make them like you want. Why not tell her what DD likes herself. This way you can feel good that at least DD likes them and will keep them as memories. In the mean time, you can change the room decor as you like and send her pics only when it's convenient for you to change decor using things sent by her and then keep sending those pics over time to give the impression you use those things nearly all the time. No one will end up being too unhappy this way I guess . What she does not see daily, is not going to hurt her.

Original poster
lill72 · 30/01/2016 16:33

Pico - unusual dream? Really?
Maybe some are just more into interiors than you?

Not the only dream I have for her - obviously.

I tell her about all the ideas I have for the room -and discuss it together. I do not get rid of anything a Happy Tulip says! She loves her room - and the mid sleeper bed I chose. I showed her before I bought it.We look at things together lots. Hmm dont really seem the harm in trying to have a room that slightly matches?!!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 30/01/2016 16:33

Yeah, a quilt lovingly made by her grandma fails the cut because it's the wrong colour Hmm

You really, really need to sort out your priorities.

diddl · 30/01/2016 16:34

What sort of things?

I mean I would have thought a hand made quilt in a kids roon wouldn't really have to match?

As for tshirts & PJs, aren't they in drawers?

Surely you have the wallpaper/paint colour, carpet, rug, furniture that you have chosen?

What is all this stuff from MIL that ruins the room?

BalloonSlayer · 30/01/2016 16:35

Will i ever have the room I want?

Yes! You have it right now. It's called "YOUR bedroom."

Floggingmolly · 30/01/2016 16:35

What does art direct the bookshelves mean? It sounds unnecessary...

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 30/01/2016 16:35

I totally understand this.

A woman has a right to decorate her house.

Practically not much you would do but I would enjoy a good shallow bitch with some close friends to get it out of my system.

coffeeisnectar · 30/01/2016 16:36

Ah good luck with the dream room. Dd(10) has bunk beds and in another corner, a bookcase with a rocking chair and bean bags. Huge leaf canopy over the chair and butterflies on the wall, leaf and book case. So far, so sweet.

She has a Spiderman duvet cover and a Spiderman lightshade. We have a Spiderman wall sticker still to go up. Her desk is a mix of butterflies and small soldiers with guns "guarding her stuff" and she has a bright pink silk rug which clashes with all the Spiderman red.

I don't mind as it makes her happy. She will grow and change as will yours. Don't let your ideas take over what your child wants.She might like all that "frozen crap" you despise.

Toffeelatteplease · 30/01/2016 16:36

I totally get preserving something precious. But something isn't automatically precious because it is homemade and by the time you get to several non specific craft projects you really aren't preserving something personal, you are hoarding to accommodate some else's crafting hobby. Not everyone has the room to store everything.

We had a similar problem with hand me down clothes and DD. She had so many assorted clothes in everyone else's taste she had no chance developing her own taste.... or room in her room to store them. Eventually we ruthlessly pruned. As DD found her own style i found increasely the handme downs we kept were less and less. And she looks so much better for it.

With your DD I would do a proper sort. If she doesn't love it it doesn't stay. Offer to store the most beloved blanket but otherwise charity shop.

monkeymamma · 30/01/2016 16:36

My ds is 4 next week. In a bid to make him like his own room enough to want to sleep all night in there :-) we have let him redecorate choosing everything himself. It is as far from my Pinterest boards on the subject as you can get but he LOVES it. And I've loved seeing him get so so much out of choosing it. I share your love of decor and design but a huge part of parenthood is about letting go. They are little people who need to shape their own destinies, better to give them the tools to do so than temporarily have 'the perfect room'.

Original poster
lill72 · 30/01/2016 16:37

Yellow Tulip - you get me exactly!

I do keep lots of toys MIl gives as DD knows she has. I am not trying to get rid of these things, more pare down the decor.

DD loves what I have done in her room so far, I'd just like to make it even better with photos, cushions for her bed to sit on with friends etc etc. You know?

OP posts:
monkeymamma · 30/01/2016 16:38

Ps it worked!!! We are getting a full nights sleep for the first time in two years!

SaucyJack · 30/01/2016 16:44

I know what you mean about liking stuff matching. It makes me itchy if a cushion or curtain doesn't "go".

How off-key is the offending item?

Could you find something to match with it that'll pull the whole room together?

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 16:49

My dds and I would adore handmade quilts. But dd1 especially was Anne of green gables in a former life and loves anything frilly and old fashioned.

Yanbu though - we all want autonomy over our homes Smile

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2016 16:55

I agree with you OP.

When your baby is born, the parents usually plan their room. As the children get older the parents change the room to suit; either discussing it with DC or picking their favourite things (dinosaurs, fairies etc).

What they generally don't do is let the GPs supply everything when it doesn't suit what they want in their own house!

And if you don't want your children to wear Frozen or Barbie clothing or whatever, it doesn't matter who bought it, they don't wear it!

However, I do agree about keeping anything handmade or 'special'. You can always find a use/place for that.

tillytown · 30/01/2016 16:57

Children have mish mash rooms though, I don't understand your problem

pippistrelle · 30/01/2016 17:04

It's not at all unreasonable to get rid of some things. Not everything is a precious heirloom, even if it's handmade (and I speak as a crafter myself), or given as a gift by a loved one. And, frankly, when she was five, I decided what my daughter wore - one of the perks of being a mother, innit? Additionally, as my daughter seems to have hoarding tendencies, if I'd always let her decide what to keep, she wouldn't be able to fit in her bedroom by now.