To want to get rid of a lot of DD's presents?

[lill72]

Over the years DD has been given many things by my MIL in particular, that include a handmade quilt and other things for her room. She asks me what kind of quilt I would like, but then never really listens to me anyway and goes ahead and just makes what she wants. So I end up with room decor that does not really fit into the room. Even though I sent her a photo of the room. So I end up with this mish mash of thinsg in her bedroom and I would really like to do it my way and have it with all the things I like. Feel slightly torn. Not big in the grand scheme of things, but along with all the Dora tshirts and Frozen pyjamas is clogging up the small bedroom with things I despise. Any ideas on how on how to manage this? Will i ever have the room I want? Not big in the big scheme of things, but impacts every day if you know what I mean!

Just put the stuff away in a box. Think you're having a hard time on here. Nothing wrong with rejecting the tyranny of mass produced Disney crap.

Laurie- but don't you thinks its a little mean to take things away from a child because they don't match the colour scheme?

Sorry, it's completely insane to want to put a quilt made by grandmother in storage because it "doesn't match the décor" of your 5 year old's bedroom. Listen to yourself....

Enormous presents that don't fit is one thing, but a play tent that doesn't match??

Perhaps instead of trying to guide her towards colours, you just need to say no!

But if the tents the same as the one you picked but with peppa pig on it it functions exactly the same? it matters not a single bit if it doesn't look exactly right as your dd can still play with exactly the same way.
Why not just do a lovely room but with the quilt in it? If your dd likes the quilt dont put it away, just design the room and then have a quilt in it? Its really not a big deal.
Character tops if your dd likes them, keep them, if she doesn't then throw them out.
My grandma made me a blanket when I was about 3 and I still have it, a long with lots of other things she made me. I would be really sad if my mum had hidden it or got rid of them

I think you are to hung up on styling and not enough on substance your DDS room is meant to be cosy for her why does it matter if grannys quilt does not match why is it so important to you ?

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time. It seems perfectly reasonable to me that decorating your child's bedroom can be a fun activity for you to do together, rather than dictated by someone else. At the moment the little girl isn't choosing anyway, her grandmother is.

In my experience, it isn't necessarily a good idea to have delicate hand made quilts on beds unprotected, as they need to be washed so frequently. Our DD was given a hand- embroidered quilt, and rather than run the gauntlet of bed wetting and spilt milk it became the special quilt for favoured dollies and teddies, and was loved and played with.

I do feel like I am getting a hard time on here - I do not really equate a room that minimises Disney/character/Garish items is robbing children of their childhood??!! Really?? There are so many more beautiful, creative, well designed things you can have in a room.

My DD does indulge in her Frozen obsession with dolls, tshirt bought by MIL. In fact MIl even just took us all to Disneyland Paris (not my cup of tea) so she gets all that. But children were creative a long time before Disney was invented ;)

MrsJay
I come from a design background, so I can't help like good design everywhere I look. I am not really sure how that is somewhat depriving my daughter - she has a colourful, imaginative, cosy room. As said I have a reading nook with cushions, a dressup box, a mid sleeper with a canapoy over it, coloured fairy lights. Just no Dora in sight.

In our lounge room, we have a tee pee. It is made of plain canvas with a sheepskin rug inside - the DD's can lie, read a book, hide from mummy. It is not garish, bright and fits in with the lounge. Anything wrong with this?

DD got a Frozen quilt from family which obviously I don't like. DD obviously does. So I do have that in storage and use for when friends come over. That is my compromise.

Some of you get where I am coming from....

DID - MIL does not take no for an answer. Though she dd ask me what animal I liked years ago, so she could get me presents forever on of that animal. As I didnt want novelty duck presents etc for the rest of my life, I said I like no animals (in figurine form etc)
putting a stop to that.

So despite loving the frozen duvet, it's removed as doesn't meet your taste and your daughters allowed no say? Getting it out when friends stay over is t a compromise but controlling.

What happens when she has a birthday party? I can imagine the invites complete with a picture of said fantasy room declaring it unacceptable to gift anything that doesn't match, no character items, no animals etc. Christmas must also be a barrel of laughs with anything removed after opening that does not meet your tasteful design ideas.

God forbid she becomes goth when older and wants to paint the walls black!

Autumn - slightly OTT. DD has many Frozen dolls etc. The duvet is enormous (A cover/quilt in one) and too enormous for her bed.

Many have said my invites and party bags are gorgeous BTW!

Contolling? Really? Does everyone else have a 5 year old that is allowe to do exactly what they want pick all their own decor, clothes, everything?

Most mums I know have designed the DD's bedroom. With the occasional bugbear in there from MIL (like a massive and I mean massive dollshouse given to one friends daughter) The mum really hates it as it takes up so much of the room, but it has to stay. This is not fair I think. The MIL should have asked first.

You're certainly getting a hard time about the quilt, OP. In spite of having said repeatedly that you don't want to get rid of it, there are some posters who don't seem able to take that in. It seems to be the nature of AIBU - don't let the facts get in the way of a good rant.

But its a quilt the Disney clothes are personal taste but surely you can fit the quilt in somewhere use it as a throw or playmat or something

I dont understand why you cant design a nice room with one mismatching quilt? Why is that so hard? The quilt isn't preventing her having a well decorated room?
When it comes to things like quilts/duvets your taste is irrelevant its up to your dd even though she's only 5. If your DD likes it it should stay, if she doesn't feel free to put it awat

Autumn - my DSD is a goth and wanted to paint her walls and furniture black.

Guess what - the answer was no.

In a couple of years she'll hopefully be ensconced at uni and I'll be left with a cave of a room that she'll have grown out of.

So we talked about it and agreed a compromise. She has a gorgeous charcoal grey, white and silver room that she loves (and admits is better than the all black idea).
We chose the wallpaper, curtains, bedding etc together.

Some people might be happy with their kids (or their MIL) decorating their room as they like, but like the OP I'm not.

I don't want to ruin handmade furniture by painting it black. I don't want rooms full of plastic crap.

DSD and DS have lovely rooms that they have had a great deal of input into. It's not actually obligatory to have a house filled with Disney crap and decorated to fit their every whim.

Mrs Jay - yes I could use the quilt as a playmat - good idea!

As I said one you get into the world of design - it is a tortured existence! You can obsess about the tiniest of things! Hence my quilt obsession. Crazy? Maybe!

Pippstrelle- I agree! People also make lots of wrong assumptions!

Yellow Tulips. Yes! Agree it is a collaborative process.
Yes when did it become a rite of passage to have lots of Disney stuff? !

I chose a lot of the things for my daughter's room. She is seven. She loves it. She picked the wallpaper. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'm not a designer but I really enjoy decorating her room and the rest of my home. My daughter has Frozen dolls but I wouldn't want her to have a Frozen duvet cover etc. I think there are much nicer things for a kid's room. Most mums I know have looked forward to decorating their kid's room. I don't think it's controlling at all.

I don't get why people are advising you to syle the room around a quilt you don't like and assuming it is one of your daughter's most treasured things.

I am going to come in and say Yabvvu, part of what makes that bedroom special is the handmade things from Granny, which she will probably treasure when Granny is no longer around. So what if it mucks up the astetics, it is your dd bedroom, not yours. If she wants them on her bed, let her, after all its her room.

the world of design - it's a tortured existence!
Get off the stage, will you? and stop all the tortured genius stuff about a 5 year old's bedroom.
I'll bet you bin all her drawings and craft projects too; rather than having a non art directed fridge like everyone else...

I think that's a bit nasty flogging. I wonder what it is that makes some posters so cross about someone wanting to design a child's room. Op ade it clear she choose things with her child.

No one is saying that you can't give your kid beautiful Scandinavian wooden toys if you so desire. But it just seems a bit bizarre to me to want to actually get rid of toys that don't match your aesthetic. All of your posts have been about how you don't like Dora/Disney etc and they don't go with your "vision" for the room. There's been nothing about how your DD feels about her quilt, playtent or character t-shirts. I think that you should take your daughter's views and preferences as a starting point - both as a parent and as an interior designer!

I'm also not convinced that everyone in design lives like this. All the artists and architects I know are really messy - interesting things crammed into every corner of their workspaces and homes. Not one of them has been a "towels must match the curtains which must match the colour of the walls" type person - that seems a bit more bougie/pinterest/barrett homes to me....

It's not your room. Fair enough to have the lounge how you want but I think you're being a bit controlling. What difference does it make to you if she sleeps under her Frozen duvet? It's your daughter's room not yours!

I hear you OP! I am into design/interiors and I know I am going to struggle as toddler DS gets older and wants increasing amounts of tat that sets my teeth on edge. Wits hindsight I wish I'd done the nursery in a more eclectic scheme as I now have matchy-matchy with some random stuff thrown in the mix.

It doesn't sound like you are stopping your DD loving and enjoying her room.

I think it's about balance - as long as she's happy it's OK to have a bit of control over what your house looks like, including children's rooms.

Obviously you can take it to extremes. I have a Facebook friend who is a bit of an Instagram mum. She posted a picture recently if the theme for her 4 year old sons party which was grey and silver, very tasteful. She was then laughing about how he was upset as he'd asked for Paw Patrol or something.

But the daughter isn't getting to choose either ! Her grandmother is doing the choosing. It'd make much more sense for the mum and daughter to choose together what goes to the room.

OP, I do hope that your daughter is returning the favour and making lots of glittery crafts and pictures for MIL to display in her bedroom.

Yeah, I agree the DD is the person best placed to say whether she likes her Peppa pig tent or homemade quilt. My point is that the DD's views on this don't seem to be entering into the OP's thinking, which I think is strange even from the perspective of an interior designer.