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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
MySordidCakeSecret · 30/01/2016 16:08

look up crate training op so that you can make it a positive experience for your dog. I used to have a cav and he loved his crate, you can put a blanket over it and it's a little den for them, give them their treats/food in there etc

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/01/2016 16:10

How old is your ds? You said he had the dog in his room last time. Can he take it for a walk? Just entertain your dog?

You say that your dog isn't used to being 'shut away'. Will some training, there's no obvious reason why spending an hour in a different room to you should be particularly distressing.

Is your daughter aware of all this?

I honestly think that this is not a dilemma.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:10

Er yes I would mary.
If she just said politely im scared of dogs could you out her out please if you don't mind. Fine.
Asking for the dog to be silenced is ludicrous.
Shes not a friend or a guest. A guest is someone that you invite. Yes shes coming to help but where does it say she can dictate where the dog is kept.
Nowhere is the op saying she doesn't want help but this sw sounds like a prat. Get on with you job love and stop.mithering.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 16:14

I can’t believe shutting the dog in a bedroom for an hour is such a dilemma for anyone...

Maryz · 30/01/2016 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ameliablue · 30/01/2016 16:15

are you suggesting that OP asks to be allocated a new social worker? Really? Because a family pet may be momentarily put out?

Not because the dog is put out but because the sw is visibly shaken when visiting because of her fear of the dog. This isn't good for the child she is supposed to be helping either.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:15

Honestly this is making me really irate! All this talk of crate training.
What needs to happen is the sw needs therapy to get over her irrational fear of dogs. She works in a job that involves mixing with the public and going to people's home. People who quite likely have dogs!
All silly talk of training the dog who sounds.perfecly well behaved but isnt used to being locked away. Not unusual. Op probably has no need to lock him away usually.
To be honest I do get people who have pets and stick them in another room anyway. Isnt a pet meant to be part of the family?

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 16:15

only on mumsnet would this be such a ethical dilemma.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 16:17

Isnt a pet meant to be part of the family?

I suspect a lot of people here have got there DC entertained in another room for an hour and thought nothing of it.
Who uses a stair gate on their children's bedrooms doors in the morning?

FFS the whole thread is ridiculous.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 16:18

I don't think people actually realise how extreme this visit was!
Yes she called beforehand and said she had a fear of dogs and could I shut him away for her visit but I didn't expect to answer my front door to her cowering around the corner of the house. Like I said before being bitten by a dog must have been horrific for her and of course I don't want to add to her stress when she is helping my daughter, she's a lovely lady she was really apologetic about her fear, she wasn't at all rude when asking to shut my dog away but the constant questions from her all the time checking my dog was still shut away and the reassurance that he was were extreme
"Can he jump up at the handle and open the door?"
"Your son won't let him out will he?"
"Can you just go and make sure your son won't let him out please?"
"What was that noise?"
"The dog can't break the door down can he?"
It was quite stressful for everyone involved. I actually feel really sorry for her as having a fear that bad mustn't be easy to live with.

OP posts:
icysphincterporn · 30/01/2016 16:20

My dog is part of the family. He's an animal part of the family. It does him no harm to sit and munch on a Kong for an hour while I have a meeting. He would prefer to be 'involved' but he always gets over it.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:20

All the talk of crate training is bonkers. Whats needed is the sw to get some therapy for her phobia. Nowt wrong with the dog.no one sems think its odd that the sw is behaving totally unprossionally!
What I would do is put the dog in another room when she comes. Givve him a bone of something. If sw still goes on, id say
'Look love ive put him safely out, he cant escape. I can do no more.if you are still scared then perhpas uou should ee allocate me'

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 30/01/2016 16:21

we have a case worker coming into see DS because of the EHCP process, i wouldn't question for a second if she asked me to shut my cats away.

Yes they're pets, they're part of the family, but in that hour, your house isn't your home, its a therapy location and the therapist and patient are the priority, not the animal!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/01/2016 16:21

Not sure I'd call it an ethical dilemma Pirate. More an absolute pain in the neck for the OP when she has enough on her plate already. And would prefer not to have someone else make her dog her problem when she has everything else to deal with as well. I'm absolutely with the OP.

KurriKurri · 30/01/2016 16:21

I would pay for a dog walker (or ask a friend) to take him out for a long walk while SW is there, do you have any neighbours who would be willing to have him in their house while the visits are going on?

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 16:23

More an absolute pain in the neck for the OP when she has enough on her plate already.
Yes moving a dog to another room is such hard work.

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 16:24

Two perspectives on this. One is that I am a SW and I do home visits every day. 99% of families offer to shit their dog away whilst I am visiting it's just good manners. I am quite grateful because I'm a huge dog lover but the service user deserves my full attention!
Secondly I have a dog at home. I shut him in the kitchen before I even answer the door I'm not letting him jump all over visitors (he is still a bit puppy manic) whether they are friends or professionals. He is well used to it. He can come and say hello later on or not at all if they are not dog people.

It's just an unfortunate allocation but I assume the SW or family support worker or whatever age is is doing a piece of direct work on her own with your dd so I would suggest they sit in dd bedroom and you keep the dog with you.

HanYOLO · 30/01/2016 16:25

Are you at home all the time? Not work?

How does the dog cope if you are out?

Pay your dogsitter or the dog has to lump it

YABU to expect professional people to do their job with a dog poking about, phobia/reasonable fear or not

CocktailQueen · 30/01/2016 16:25

Op, your dd has that kind of problem and you're worried about the dog? Unbelievable.

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 16:25

Shut!*

MissFlight · 30/01/2016 16:25

I don't see how this lady can do her job properly and to the best of her abilities if she has such a bad phobia. I've worked for SS and some of the people I visited would never have put their dogs away if I had requested such.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:26

Jesus op she sounds nuts.
Did she actually do any work? How did you keep your Patience?
No, there's no harm in shutting dog in another room for an hr or so but thats not enough for the sw! She wants him silenced!
All the talk if training the dog but barely a mention of the sw being irrational!
No ethical issue in shutting the dog in another room. I do it on occasion. Though I would object to demands like this.

PainAuChocolat23 · 30/01/2016 16:26

When my son was born i put my dog in the kitchen and before he got out i asked my mw, hv and the lactation consultant are you okay with my dog being out and they all said yes. After they had said hello to and clapped him he went and lay in front of the couch. Next time any of them visited he was totally fine because he had met them before. I understand not all people would allow or like that though

Maryz · 30/01/2016 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfGrammaticus · 30/01/2016 16:29

OP, a cavalier King Charles is absoulutely NOT a "lapdog type of breed". If that's how you treat him no wonder he is a bit of a pain.