To not want to shut my dog away?

[NotthespecialONE]

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

Oh FFS. Alright, a pit bull locked away in a room is safe, a Cavalier roaming the house is not. Happy now? The point is, the dog was LOCKED AWAY.

The SW wanted the dog locked away. The dog was locked away. She then needs to get on with the fucking job and not spend the whole time obsessing about it. If she can't do that, then she's incapable of doing the job.

And in any case, this is not about what other people perceive is a risk. My old head teacher was terrified of spiders and went into a panic attack when she saw a dead one. Some people can't even look at photos of things they have a phobia about.

You cannot tell someone with a phobia that that the thing they are phobic about poses no risk, unless you are a trained therapist working through the phobia with the client.

I think the OP has been sniped and picked at until she is incredibly frustrated by the posts and reacting to that. She hasn't been goady, nasty, aggressive or arrogant/superior - no matter what has been thrown at her.

She has answered all the questions thrown at her, explained why certain solutions wouldn't work, taken on board the crate suggestion (which may still not work remember), asked sensible questions involving the crate and is working to try to resolve the matter.

And yet people are still so determined to be 'right' that they are twisting her words, mind reading, analysing her posts (wrongly) and determining her to be at fault so they can high-five themselves on a boring Sunday morning. If this was the relationships board I'd be wondering about narcissism, gas lighting, controlling behaviours - and not from the OP

Could midnite and carmen be some kind of goady tag team, perhaps?

Hiding now - have devoted too much mental energy to this.

dallas, as I mentioned up thread, if the OP herself had challenged some of the more offensive posts about the support worker, rather than leaving them for others to challenge, people might have felt more inclined to believe that she was sympathetic to the support worker.

So OP needs to be the thread police? Isn't that why we have MNHQ?

I'm confident that not what you really think, dallas, but just to reiterate, instead of just challenging those posters who warned her she might be putting the service for her DD at risk, I believe if the OP had also challenged the posters who called the support worker a "wet lettuce", who minimised her phobias and suggested she was not fit to do her job, the thread would have ended sooner.

Thanks goodness for Lemur and Emeralli. OP, I believe you are also minimising the seriousness of your child's issues so you can rail against this woman. Please listen to what the health professionals on here are telling you: you are exceptionally fortunate to be accessing this level of help for your daughter's; some of us are astounded at your seemingly skewed priorities here. I also agree that your responses have been oddly combative and goady.

There's more to this than meets the eye...

This thread is complete madness. I honestly thought it was just common practice to lock your dog up if you have guests in your home.

I am not a dog person, I really do not like them at all and I probably am a little scared of them. I would feel exactly the same as the SW if I could hear the dog trying to escape, it would scare me.

As for Carmen, I am assuming you are the kind of dog owner who allows their dog off leash to run up to people and use the excuse 'he's harmless,he just wants to say hello'.

I would not expect anyone to ring me in advance to check about my dog. Thats bizarre. It is.

You know if you call emergency services one of the first questions they ask is do you have any dogs at the property? And can you please make sure they are locked away before the arrival of paramedics/police officers?

This is not a bizarre question to be asked at all but I think you are a bizarre person for putting an animal on a pedestal above a humans feelings.

OP, you know your dog but the HCP doesn't. Nearly everyone says their dog is gentle and soft, will sleep quietly in corner etc. When my colleague was bitten the dog was asleep in his basket, no sign of aggression beforehand, owner said he is 'a big softy'... without warning he woke up and flew at her, grabbed her thigh and wouldn't let go. She needed 25stitches.

It's just not worth the risk having a dog loose. You can't trust that everyone is being honest about their dog's temperament or that they know their dog. Why should the SW trust you?

Try to see from her POV. She is terrified of your dog and it's irrelevant that he is calm and friendly. She sees only the potential for attack, expects him to turn into that 'snarling monster' any minute.

If you really can't shut the dog away you need to cancel the visits.

Op, this thread seems to have been derailed by people convinced that your dog is the problem.

It isn't. The support worker has a significant mental health problem, and despite your attempts to make your home safe for her, her fear is overwhelming and irrational. This is evidenced by the fact that she was hiding at your front door. Really unprofessional and bizarre behaviour, but to this lady unavoidable due to her extreme fear.

If she cannot function with your dog locked away because she can still hear it, and those noises are causing her anxiety, her phobia is affecting her life and work to the extent she cannot live a normal life. She needs help and therapy of her own so she can.

Given that she has these problems I do not see how she can help your DD overcome her own difficulties. She cannot concentrate on your DD due to her own issues, and she may pass her fears along to your DD as she is very vulnerable.

I would contact the agency and ask for another support worker who does not have health problems which prevent her working safely in your home. It is not good for your DD to build a relationship with someone who may not be able to continue in their work due to not addressing their phobia.

The support worker has a significant mental health problem

So we're armchair psychotherapists now, are we?

Have you actually read any of the posts from health professionals who are advising the OP about the scarcity of qualified support workers and how likely it is that the service to her DD is likely to be severely compromised if she can't make arrangements for her dog?

Ok...

Soc services have sufficient concerns thry have allocated you a 2x week visit. That is a significant level of help, reflecting significant concern.

You don't seem to get that you do need to " work with them" here . It's not optional.

Yes you can object to the dog phobic worker ( and keep drip feeding to us how very " difficult" she's being ) but the fact us this makes you look like the difficult one who is not " working with" them and things may be escalated re safeguarding.

I'm an HCP. I don't visit unless a dog is in another room. I need to have 100% concentration on my job, not wondering where the dog is or fending it's friendly assaults off !

Rhonda if she is hiding behind the door and asking if a dog in a locked room can escape, that is irrational behaviour. You don't have to be an 'armchair psychologist' to know that if a phobia prevents you living a normal life you should get help. Demanding that more and more accommodations are made will not lessen fear, because phobias are irrational.
If you'd notice this has already been mentioned- someone said if op got the dog walked, the volunteer would probably be anxious about the dog's return, just as she is now anxious about it escaping.

I realise there is a shortage of help, and I also realise that this has led to compromise in some services.

This woman is not very well, not nasty or unpleasant but too ill to work in other people's homes. That would make me want another worker who doesn't have issues working in my house. If one could not be provided I would want to know what reasonable adjustments SS had made for their support worker's phobia which would make it possible for her to work with my DD.

I don't think it will be OK even if you use a silent muzzle on the dog and lock it in a crate. She will still be terrified.

You don't have to be an 'armchair psychologist' to know that if a phobia prevents you living a normal life you should get help

How do you know she isn't getting help? And how is she not living a 'normal' life? I live a perfectly 'normal' life but I do not like dogs and would not want to be in the same room as one, or with one in another room scratching at the door to get out.

This woman is not very well, not nasty or unpleasant but too ill to work in other people's homes.

What brings you to the conclusion she is too 'ill' to work in other peoples homes? She is scared of Dogs ffs not a psychopath.

If one could not be provided I would want to know what reasonable adjustments SS had made for their support worker's phobia which would make it possible for her to work with my DD.

I'm sure they would tell you to either put your dd first or your dog. It really is that simple.

You are making massive assumptions about the worker, coffee, one of which, by your own admissions is based on something another poster has guessed might happen.

And you didn't say "irrational behaviour" in your original post. You said the worker has mental health problems. Your post is based on no knowledge whatsoever about the worker and is pure conjecture, therefore of no help to the OP.

Coffee, would it surprise you to know that there are probably zero posters on this thread who actually believe the SW hid around the corner after knocking on the door, and that there is more than a whiff of bullshit exaggeration to the OP's narration of this woman's dislike for dogs?

ThirtyNineWeeks

I couldn't agree more

If anything I would say the dog was barking when she knocked so was stood back in fear of it running out.

This debate comes down to two sides: those who value the mental well-being of children, and those fucking oddballs who worship dogs because they're socially inadequate themselves

Oh, I love it. Posters are busy proving what I said

Rhonda, I'm not sure which of my posts you are referring to (where you are confident that you know better than I know what I believe ) but I only post my own views, not views of other people, or what I think other people should post, or what I think other people are really thinking, or what I think other people actually mean even though they've posted the opposite

And I do so love to be proved right .

And yet people are still so determined to be 'right' that they are twisting her words, mind reading, analysing her posts (wrongly) and determining her to be at fault so they can high-five themselves on a boring Sunday morning

And I do so love to be proved right

High-five to you too, dallas