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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
Nottodaythankyouorever · 30/01/2016 15:16

It's twice a week? You poor thing OP

Yes because it is the OP that is suffering in all this isn't it Hmm Never mind about her DD whose having problems that are so bad they require SS coming 2 times a week.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:17

NIGEL
yes lets not be concerned about the 'bloody dog' , but lets pander to the frankly pathetic stranger who is the social worker.
I can leave my dog in another room without a fuss but not because someone demands it.
And whag about OPs dd? Presumably she loves the dog. My dcs would be asking why the dog was put away!

BalloonSlayer · 30/01/2016 15:19

My DCs are all scared of dogs (allergic so haven't been able to get to know any) so obviously I sympathise. However: if I was a young child with a dog I adored and someone was sent to give me advice and be a positive role model, show me how to be strong etc, and they were quivering with fright over whether my harmless beloved dog might possibly hove into view I am not sure how I would react to their advice on how to cope with life.

^ I don't mean me, I mean if I was a child, hope you see what I mean?

I am sure this person has a lot to offer but would agree with pp that this might not be the job for her.

(DH is also allergic to dogs, though not afraid of them, and would probably not take a job with home visits just because it would make him unwell.)

goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 15:19

If she's jumping and flinching every time she hears a dog related noise, I would be running on empty in the sympathy department.

I wonder if her manager knows she's asking her clients to go to such lengths to make her comfortable?

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:19

Some of the posters arw talking crap and twisting words. Nowhere has op said shes putting the dog before her dd. Shes putting the dog before a complete stranger who is coming into her house supposedly to help, but more hung up in where the dog is.

I8toys · 30/01/2016 15:20

Your daughter needs this. The dog needs to be shut away. She is the priority.

musicposy · 30/01/2016 15:21

I think a dog walker is your answer. Even a lap dog will enjoy a walk, surely?
DDog2 is very attached to me and howls if she's put away. When I teach piano a dog walker comes and tires her out for an hour. She adores the dog walker and likes walks with her better than anyone!
Worth the investment so your DD gets the most out of the session.

Ameliablue · 30/01/2016 15:21

I think it is reasonable to put your dog in another room during the visits but if even this is a problem for the SW then I would either request a different SW or if your dd is very keen on this one in particular, I would look for other options such as meeting elsewhere or arranging for the dog to be out.

WeAllHaveWings · 30/01/2016 15:21

It is perfectly reasonable for anyone working for you in your home to ask you keep pets away from them. My SIL is anxious around dogs and when she visits our dog will happily snooze in another room for a couple of hours.

What have you tried to train your dog to be happy in another room? I would practice this for increasing periods of time 2-3 times a day. Put a bed in the room you are putting him in, leave him with a highly prized chew toy he only gets when in that room. Give him a good long walk/run before the lady arrives. There are so many things you can do to make this acceptable for your dog and its good training for him when you have other people/workmen in your house.

I8toys · 30/01/2016 15:21

Should have added - if a guest in my home was scared of dogs and was concerned enough to mention it beforehand - I would put my dog away - no question

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:25

nigel
I still think you cant go into peoples houses and make demands. If dogs, whether well behaved or not bother you then dont take a job going into strangers homes. Its a bit risky isnt it. Not knowing what might be there.

Im a health professional myself and I could never imagine asking someone to remove their pet! But then ive got manners, im not precious and I love animals!

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:26

I wouldnt call social worker a guest.

NickiFury · 30/01/2016 15:26

You are being completely unreasonable and I rarely say that. I've a very small and gentle dog and I offer to put him in another room because it's just good manners if someone is a guest in your home.

NotnowNigel · 30/01/2016 15:26

Iusedtobe If your DC asked where the dog was surely you could just explain that it was being kept in another room out of consideration for the guest in your house who is visiting to help your dd

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 15:27

Nigel that's a bit harsh! Of course I'm going to be concerned about my dog in this situation, he's loved and cared for very much and I don't wish to distress him!
That said, it does NOT mean I'm prioritising my dog over my daughter! I'm just a bit stuck on how to deal with this as I've never had someone with such a fear of dogs come into my home before. Ok yes I take on board the point that I should have trained my dog to be comfortable on his own in a different room away from anybody but the fact is he isn't used to that and of course that is going to be distressing for my dog if I shut him outside for up to 90 minutes - and anyway that wouldn't be possible as he would come to the patio doors expecting to be let him and he would be in sight.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 15:27

Agree: SW not a guest. She's a service provider.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:30

Nigel
My kids would be totally baffled as to why she was scared of the dog.
Of course id put dog out room out of courtesy. Not in this case though. Sw demanding a bit too much.
And talks of paying a dog walker are ludicrous. Just get a normal bloody sw in.

AlpacaLypse · 30/01/2016 15:30

Dog walking company here. Would it be possible to book the dog-walk for the afternoon rather than morning on SW days? If one of our clients asked us to change we'd do our best to accommodate it. If your dog is a cutey-pie lapdog type, tbh I'd happily keep her with me for the day at no extra charge! I've been known to do that anyway with a couple of our regulars, one in particular routinely comes home with me for lunch and doesn't get dropped off at her home until school run time Smile

NickiFury · 30/01/2016 15:32

Surely the good hospitality would still apply in this particular instance? Surely you'd want to ensure the peace of mind of someone who was there to help your child? I wouldn't want her being stressed and jumpy while working with my child.

I8toys · 30/01/2016 15:33

Even if they are "a service provider" I will still - out of common courtesy - remove the dog.

HaveUpsetHer · 30/01/2016 15:35

I agree that it is reasonable that the dog is kept away from the SW however I find it a bit much that she can't even bear to hear it.

I think I would be questioning her ability to concentrate on her job and to be competent as she will be constantly on "alert" for the animal and so won't be giving her all to your DD.

Consider contacting her manager with your concerns.

LillianGish · 30/01/2016 15:36

What sort of a dog is it? Just asking because if it is one that looks a bit fierce or of a breed that has that reputation I can understand the SWs anxiety much more. If she has been attacked by a dog she is right to be wary. Hard for dog lovers to understand how someone can not like dogs - I would have thought it depends on the dog. If she is genuinely afraid of your dog she is Nbu to ask you to shut it away.

Jessbow · 30/01/2016 15:36

Beg borrow or buy a peace cage, put the dog in the cage out of sight, yes maybe she will still hear it whine/bark but as long as she know its caged , you will have met in the middle.

If she still objects, then ask for a change of worker.

gamerchick · 30/01/2016 15:40

I'm quite torn. Resources are so scarce and early intervention is so important to help ward off more serious MH issues later on. I'm sure her manager indulged her issues because there just isn't enough to go around everybody.

But having them shut away so no sound is heard is ridiculous and she really should be having some phobia therapy to cope.

However having to deal with a young adult who's mentally poorly I would go so far to make sure the dog wasn't even in the house during the visits so the SW can relax fully and daughter gets the full benefit of the programme.

icysphincterporn · 30/01/2016 15:40

If you have a child who has problems like yours does, you will have to get used to being asked to put dog in another room. I am a dog owner whose dog gets miffed if shut away but it doesn't harm him.

Do you actually want this help? I don't mean it unkindly but it sounds like you are putting barriers up. This problem has a simple solution. I get this all the time (professional who does home visits). People phone me, stating it's urgent and then...."oh I can't do that date or that one or that one. Actually can I see you three weeks on Thursday at 10 am?" So, clearly not that urgent!