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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:29

Please all stop over analysing the dog and the OP! Lets analyse this very strange social worker who cant do her job for fear of a king charles spaniel opening a door. Jesus.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 16:29

I've just had to recheck all my posts and I can't see where I have suggested that I am going to take my daughter off the programme for my dogs sake, turn down any help that's offered, turn this lady away, ring SS and demand a new worker -no absolutely not!!

OP posts:
BearsDontDigOnDancing · 30/01/2016 16:30

Tbh, having to shit the dog away for an hour or so, not so much of an issue.

If, as you say however, she was constantly asking about the dog, asking if he could get out, asking you to go check on the dog, when you would want to be focusing on your daughter, then THAT IS an issue. How effective is she actually going to be, if she is showing her fear so much, and experiencing so much fear.

I do not doubt she is terrified of dogs but to this extent, it will be effecting how she is managing these meetings and your daughter will pick up on it.

Sounds like an already stressful and worrying situation was made even more so by her fear and HER focus on the dog.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/01/2016 16:31

If your daughter is getting the help and support she needs, then I would suggest that you act graciously and co-operatively to enable the sw to do her job and help your daughter.

The last thing I imagine your daughter needs is feeling as though these visits are causing such a drama.

This really is a big a problem as you want it to be.

Veritat · 30/01/2016 16:32

He's not used to being shut away in a room for 60 - 90 minutes out of sight on his own.

I'd suggest that it would be good for him to learn to cope with it. This isn't the only person who comes to your house for whom you may need to shut the dog away - you will, for instance, have people with small children who may be vulnerable, or people with allergies.

Given that you have a regular dog walker anyway, I don't really see the problem. Can't you arrange visits for when the walker takes the dog out, or else ask her to take him out when the SW visits?

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 30/01/2016 16:32

prof, yes they are. Cavvies were bred to sit on the feet of ladies to keep them warm. They are the very epitome of a lapdog.

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 16:35

Adrift I didn't know that about the breed - how adorable!
Is the SW new? A student?

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:35

More dog training Maryz. Really? Yawn now.
Id be inclined to do some sw training. Bring dog in and sit him on my lap for the visit to get sw used to dogs. You know like how people who have spider phobias have to hold a giant tarantula. :-D

goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 16:36

Are pp actually reading about how the SW is behaving, or just reading the thread title then angrily bashing their keyboard?

NightWanderer · 30/01/2016 16:38

It's just the first visit. The dog will get used to being shut away and the sw will get less nervous of the dog sounds.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 30/01/2016 16:39

tbh, a calm cavvy is one of the best breeds for helping people over phobias, as long as they're calm. They're often used as PAT dogs because of how people orientated and placid they are.

but you DO get nutters, couldn't use my moms current boy as a PAT dog, not unless your person likes being given a head to toe wash at lightening speed, lol.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:40

Agree Darth. Hardly anyone seems to think that the sws behaviour needs addressing. Just the dog needs training or op needs pay for someone to physically take the dog out of the house! I have had people come to my house scared or rather dont like dogs. Ive never had to employ a walker to remove the dog!

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 16:41

The funny thing is he would just probably sleep in his bed or on top of the sofa for her visit and not bother her at all, he does like a bit of fuss from people coming in but he's not crazily jumping all round the place when we have visitors, he likes to sleep a lot!
Obviously I'm not suggesting that I ask her to let him be around! But the situation is really more stressful then it needs to be by all this.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 16:41

"Are pp actually reading about how the SW is behaving"

Yes, she told the OP she had a phobia, checked the dog was shut away..then had to listen to it try to escape for an hour while she tried to concentrate on her job...

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:44

Tabuleh
Are you for real?

SarfEast1cated · 30/01/2016 16:44

I agree that the SW reaction is extreme, but as the OP says she is a lovely woman who is being extremely helpful. I am inclined to cut her some slack and hope she is getting some help to overcome it. BUT it is usually considered best practice to make sure your dog is able to spend a bit of time on his own without having a meltdown. Our dog-trainer insisted upon it, as he said it made dogs more self-reliant, whatever the breed.
I hope it all gets sorted out OP and that your daughter's situation improves.

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 16:45

Thinking it over I'm not sure I could support a colleague with a dog phobia. There's an angle of not fit for purpose here

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 16:45

Are pp actually reading about how the SW is behaving

Yes she has a dog phobia, Unfortunately she's not the one posting here, if she was she would get advice about that.
Are you maybe expecting people to tell the OP she needs to refuse the SW entry to the house unless she proves she's getting help for it?

As it stands though the OP is being unreasonable.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/01/2016 16:47

OP, you have a baby a few months old? How do you manage a newborn baby and a dog that can't be left alone for an hour?

I truly hope your daughter is able to continue with these sessions and get the help she needs. The sw is probably capable of having a phobia and doing her job at the same time.

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 16:49

"Are you for real?"

Yes, the SW clearly has a pretty strong dog phobia, but, a dog scratching and whining at a door is only going to make that worse, how is she to know the dog can't open the door when it's carrying on like that? My cat can open doors and she's considerably smaller than a cavie.

It shouldn't be a huge issue for a dog to be out of the way while a visiting professional works in a house.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:49

She has a phobia. That is of no relevance to the op. She has vome to help her dd. Not off load her fears. Totally irrelevant.
I can imagine the sw going to some quite dodgy houses. Wonder if she tells some big rough guy to silence his rottweiler. Be lucky if he put it in another room.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 16:52

So now we have to manage s.workers fears.
She has put dog out. Not ops problem thats she frightened of him escaping. Shes done her bit

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 16:53

I can imagine the sw going to some quite dodgy houses. Wonder if she tells some big rough guy to silence his rottweiler. Be lucky if he put it in another room.

she probably isn't assigned to "Big rough guys" because she is a child social worker.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 30/01/2016 16:53

shutting the dog away, fine, not an unreasonable request. out of sound though seems a little extreme. (I can understand her wanting as I am phobic towards dogs, especially unknown ones) but it is not the job to be in if you are that scared of dogs.

MrsJayy · 30/01/2016 16:56

Your dog just needs to be put away for these sessions I am sure the worker would rather live her life do her job without her irrational fear of dogs why are you putting a humans feelings who is helping youe child over a dog ? You are being ridiculous and humanising an animal

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