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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
Ineedtimeoff · 30/01/2016 14:54

I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask you to shut the dog away for an hour/90mins once a week. You really need to train your dog to be able to do this.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 14:54

I agree about putting dogs out if they jump up or are a bit over fussy. I would do this myself with a visitor.
Irrational behaviour like what this sw is displayed is not really your problem OP. You dont need to pander to that.

LetThereBeCupcakes · 30/01/2016 14:55

Would your dog go in a crate with a chew? Maybe in an out of sight corner whilst the sw is there. Maybe a really long walk with the dog beforehand to wear him out.

Or would a friend or neighbour have him for you? I would have a friend's dog for this sort of reason.

It must be crippling for the woman, how does she even walk down the street?

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 30/01/2016 14:56

I agree with Worral

OP I don't want to do this.
MN you should
OP what of I add a bit more. ..

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 15:00

I think the sound of my dog scratching at the door made her nervous - like he could escape, I don't think she means any sound coming from a dog but the whining and scratching from my dog definitely put her on edge.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/01/2016 15:00

How on earth can she do her job properly, loads of homes have dogs in them. Is it possible to request someone else to come instead?

Or have someone walk the dog for an hour?

Muskateersmummy · 30/01/2016 15:02

It's tricky but I agree you need to train your dog to be shut away for short periods. Do you not have an enclosed garden it could go in? Or start doing some training of leaving your dog in another room for short spells and build up. Then whilst the visit is under way you can shut the dog away, and keep going back to reward and reassure. Alternatively can someone take the dog for a walk for you at these times ?

Greyhorses · 30/01/2016 15:03

I agree the dog should be shut away and would have no problem in doing so however I would be in the same position as you as my dogs can be seen from most of the house. Even from outside they look in through the windows and can be heard from every room.

I think she is in the wrong job!

AlwaysHopeful1 · 30/01/2016 15:03

She's there to help your dd, why would you not want to do anything to support her? It's such a tiny ask, I can't see why it's a big deal for you.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 15:03

I'd be tempted to ask for someone else, too. If her fear is so extreme that she jumps at every whine, she's not concentrating on your DD.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2016 15:03

OK anyway...

What are your options OP?

Crate the dog?

Ask someone you know to look after it?

Pay a dog walker?

OhShutUpThomas · 30/01/2016 15:04

He's not used to being shut away in a room for 60 - 90 minutes out of sight on his own.

Well he'll soon GET used to it.

Can't you tie him up outside with a bone or something?

MeadowHay · 30/01/2016 15:07

Ok, I am kind of on the fence here because I think there a few issues going on at once.

I agree that the SW's phobia sounds very severe and that it is at least bordering on unreasonable any of her clients with a dog to have to go to such lengths as to hire a dog-walker or ensure the dog is actually out of the house so that she can't hear it. I do think the SW needs to get therapy to improve her phobia if she wants to continue in this profession that necessitates visiting people, many of whom will have dogs. I am not surprised you feel a bit stuck and frustrated. I would also be wondering whether her anxiety, which you say was visible at the appt with your daughter, is going to be impacting on her ability to do her job properly with your daughter. Won't your daughter pick up on her anxiety? It might change the ambience of the sessions. If I were you I would seriously consider requesting a different worker for your daughter, one that does not have such a severe fear of dogs.

If you really want to avoid changing the SW, or if that isn't possible without a long wait or something, for your daughter's sake you will have to find somewhere else to take the dog, either a friend or relative to watch it, or pay a dog-walker or doggy boarding/day care to have it. Realise the cost and practicalities of this might be prohibitive though. Have you looked on BorrowMyDoggy? THere might be someone there who could watch him/take him for a walk for you for free.

Finally, I think it is a problem that your dog cannot be left alone in a room of his own house without distress. This is really something you should try and work on and change, regardless of the problem with the SW. You don't know what emergencies or situations might occurr in the future and it will be much easier when you have visitors, for everyone, if your dog can be put away and remain calm and distracted with a kong or go to sleep or whatever. I suggest working on this slowly to train him to be able to do this.

Hope you get things sorted and that the scheme helps your little one.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 30/01/2016 15:08

It does a bit ott.
Do you have to be present during the meeting? Could you shut dog in kitchen for 5 mins with a bone to greet her and settle them down, then go back to dog and keep it company until she needs to go again?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/01/2016 15:08

Some of these comments are from people who clearly don't have dogs. If mine were tied up with a bone, they wouldnt stop barking, and she doesn't want to hear them.

She really is in the wrong job. I'd request someone else. Is it a one off, or regular OP.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 30/01/2016 15:09

Some of these comments are from people who clearly don't have dogs.

Some also aren't

Wombat87 · 30/01/2016 15:10

I get not having it in the same room. She actually sounds really unprofessional and maybe you could request someone different? Not being able to hear is totally not on and is an unreasonable request. I'm sure she's really nice, but if you're distressed and the dogs distressed once a week, how will that affect your daughter in the lead up to her sessions?

If I was your DD I'd find it more distressing that my DDog was upset-but not everyone's like that I know.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:11

I would not tie my dog up for any bugger!
Worra, the OP has another option-get a different SW.
Asking politely if the dog can go in another room is one thing. Asking for no sign of dog is another!
The social worker is a guest in your house and she should not be making demands of any kind. She sounds really annoying and too preoccupied to be concentrating anyway.
If you work in the community you jave to be prepared to face all sorts-smelly scruffy houses etc and quite commonly pets!

NotnowNigel · 30/01/2016 15:12

I feel sorry for your dd. She has such severe problems she's been allocated a worker twice a week and her so called DM is concerned about the bloody dog?

Sheesh

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 15:12

Ok I take on board some of your points - maybe I should train my dog to feel comfortable shut away on his own for a while. He's a lapdog type of breed, never further than a few feet away from a member of the family. He's not to being shut away that's all.
He already goes out with a dog walker three times a week in the morning and I haven't got a crate for him anymore.
I would take him out myself but I have to be present for the sessions.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 30/01/2016 15:13

Well, as somebody who does have a dog (one with anxiety and separation issues) I still think you need to shut the dog away in a secure way.
The visiting SW/HCP needs to accept that the dog's scratching/whining might be audible, and you have to accept that your dog will have to put yp with being put out of the way.

Or what about the eminently sensible ideas re dog walkers/crate/Kong stuffed with goodies to entertain him?

This situation does sound like a problem, but one that is for you to find a solution to.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/01/2016 15:13

Yes Humpty that's why I said 'some'

NotnowNigel · 30/01/2016 15:13

Iusetobe that would be fair enough if all dog owners were responsible and up to the job of training their dog to behave.

Unfortunately we all know that is not the case and have the bites to prove it

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/01/2016 15:14

It's twice a week? You poor thing OP.

Libitina · 30/01/2016 15:15

If you really must put your dog before your poor child, can the meeting be arranged for elsewhere?