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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
ClarenceTheLion · 30/01/2016 15:42

Could you reschedule some of his walks so that they fall during appointment time?

I do agree that someone with such a big phobia shouldn't have a job where she is going to strangers homes on a regular basis.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 15:44

I doubt you can just change social workers purely because you don't want to keep the dog out of the room - it's not the same as an employee...

Keeping the dog out of the room is a very reasonable request indeed - even trustworthy dogs can be a big distraction, and lots of people think of their dogs as much better behaved than they actually are... A lot of dogs are very poorly trained indeed.

There is no reason at all that somebody who is afraid of dogs shouldn't do home visits - she isn't working with dogs, she's working with children / teens and her ability to do that is what matters, not whether or not she likes dogs. People suggesting she is in the wrong job seem to have a funny way of looking at things.

Children who cannot understand that some people are afraid of dogs need their parents to help them to learn a bit of empathy.

All that said jumping and flinching and being OTT at the sound or sight of a dog is ridiculous - if she has a full on phobia that prevents her even coping with the sound or sight of a dog it is amazing she is able to function in both her job and just walking down the street.

I think you are unreasonable not to be willing to shut your dog away - this should be something dogs are trained to be able to manage, if you ever intend to let any professionals or workers into your home. If you can't shut the dog in the kitchen or a room made comfortable for the dog you should try to swap your dog walker's time so the dog can be out. Your DD's SW should be able to cope with seeing the god through a glass door or even a baby gate though! She is being unreasonable demanding not to even have to catch a glimpse of a dog!

A god constantly whining and scratching at a door would be very distracting to anyone, regardless of whether they were afraid...

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 15:45

*dog not god :o

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 15:46

He's a cavalier King Charles spaniel. I will buy a crate to put him in and place it in my bedroom for when she is here! But I'm afraid that won't stop him whining and most probably barking to be let out as he's not had a crate for a long time so I'm not sure how to tackle that one and silence him.
All the comments that I'm putting my dog before my daughters needs are ridiculous. I was just trying to find a solution to a situation I've never dealt with before. Never once did I say I was going to take my daughter off the programme for my dogs sake!

OP posts:
Greengardenpixie · 30/01/2016 15:46

Sorry, i would be the same. Don't like dogs and don't feel comfortable around them. I appreciate it is the owners home and wouldn't tend to visit someone with a dog. However this lady doesnt really have a choice but to visit you to help your daughter. It is her job.

I don't see what the problem is. Your dog is an animal at the end of the day. Put the dog away for an hour fgs! Or get someone to take your dog for a walk.

SarfEast1cated · 30/01/2016 15:48

So your daughter has had an awful time of it, and someone is coming to your house to help her. This person is frightened of dogs and would like your dog to put out somewhere out of sight and sound of her. Why are you even questioning it? Surely it's only good manners to make sure a guest in your home is comfortable. If you can't bear to upset your dog, maybe your daughter could meet her at someone else's house? TBH I think you are being really unreasonable, so what if your dog finds it momentarily weird, this person is coming to help your daughter.

Maryz · 30/01/2016 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley · 30/01/2016 15:51

Agree with Sarf

Also, there's a shortage of social workers. If you've found a good one, you need to hang on to her!

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 15:52

It's not just the sound of a dog though...it's the sound of a dog trying to break out of a room by scratching at the door.

If your dog can't be in a room with another family member (as it was last time) without scratching and whining at the door, you should really be working on that anyway, that's not stable dog behaviour tbh.

If you don't have a crate anymore, then you did have and it was crate trained, just do that, but with a room.

HermioneWeasley · 30/01/2016 15:52

Also this from Maryz

"I find it hard to believe that your dd's issues are such that a social worker is visiting twice a week, and yet your concern is that your dog might be distressed"

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 15:53

Don't really feel I should justify myself but I'm very thankful that my daughter is on this programme and any help we are offered I'm extremely grateful for! Not wishing to put my dog in a stressful situation does not make me a bad person!

OP posts:
Greengardenpixie · 30/01/2016 15:53

And whoever said putting dog bedore daughter is ridiculous. Nowhere has op said that. Shes putting dog before a stranger.

Yes but the stranger is there to help her dd. So she is in effect putting her dog first.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:54

OP please dont buy a crate just on her behalf.
As for comment that dog is just an animal. Well yes but an animal thats a much loved pet. Non animal lovers wouldn't really be welcome in my house. Yes an occasional professional visit I would accommodate. Not an unreasonable demand to make the house sound proof!
Guests in my house.like pets. Otherwise uts very tiresome sitting chatting with people and having constantly separate the pet. Remembering shut the door behind you etc. Just like to relax with dog by the fire.
Ds had friend round a while ago. Scared of every animal. Wouldn't even walk past hamster cage. Even though they are bloody nocturnal and he was asleep. Even my dcs were getting irritated.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 15:59

OP my advuce is stop listening to people twisting your words and get on the ohome Monday and ask to be re allocated. .
All talk of crating and dog walkers and suggesting you dog is badly trained us bonkers.
You dog need to out your family pet out for a stranger who is not even meeting you half way.
Im surprised no one has said rehome the dog lol

Funinthesun15 · 30/01/2016 16:00

Non animal lovers wouldn't really be welcome in my house. Yes an occasional professional visit I would accommodate.

The OPs DD is so distressed at the moment she is getting visits twice a week.

If you were on the OPs position you'd turn round and say sorry I can't accommodate you and let the DD suffer. Really?

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 30/01/2016 16:00

oh, i an understand the whining/barking.

WE have a king charles and he HATES being shut away from my mom when we have guests, but he's a nutcase and loves people so much he makes a nuisance of himself.

We have a crate in another room and he's put in the crate with the door closed.

The only thing i think is silly is this 'can't be heard' thing. Can you give her a call and ask if she'll be less nervous if he's crated and the door closed?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 30/01/2016 16:01

You dog need to out your family pet out for a stranger

Who is helping her severely distressed daughter!

Maryz · 30/01/2016 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muskateersmummy · 30/01/2016 16:02

If he already goes out with a dog walker 3 times a week, can you not arrange those times to be the same as when SW is coming?

Maryz · 30/01/2016 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 30/01/2016 16:06

Maryz, its the breed, we've had 4 of them and they HATE being shut away from the people in the house, they will paw at the door and bark themselves hoarse if they're on the other side of the door from their owner.

Cavvies are very people orientated and not for people who are out for long periods of time.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/01/2016 16:06

it's a dog, treat it like one Hmm yabu

SarfEast1cated · 30/01/2016 16:06

I'm sorry Iusedtobecarmen are you suggesting that OP asks to be allocated a new social worker? Really? Because a family pet may be momentarily put out?
I really despair.

Muskateersmummy · 30/01/2016 16:07

To be fair Mary dogs react very differently to being left alone whilst the owner is out of the house, to being shut in another room whilst they can still hear the owner in the house. It can be distressing for a dog, but the dog could (and probably should) be trained to do this for both the immediacy situation and to make life easy in the future.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 30/01/2016 16:07

and yes, if he's already out with a walker, rearrange the times for when the SW is there!

Knowing the breed as i do, i can sympathise, but your DD absolutely has to come first!

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