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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
londonrach · 31/01/2016 07:37

As a home visiting nhs health professional i always make a fuss of the dog (love dogs) with owners agreement at the start then ask that the dog is secured away whilst i work before washing my hands and starting. In 15 years not one single person has refused. I always make fuss of the dog on leaving. Ive never know a dog owner without the ability to secure a dog away. Yabu.

LemurFingers · 31/01/2016 07:40

I don't think she is a SW - from OP sounds like another agency. To get 2 individual sessions every week then either the problems are much more serious than the OP is saying or the person in question is likely from some sort of charity organisation with minimal training who isn't being paid a great deal. - The government has cut so much child mental health help/support I would be very very surprised if a SW was out 2x a week for friendship group issues at school and new sib jealousy.

My point being - there are so many services being cut. You have been offered one. DO you know how long people wait for this sort of help? Kids are self harming and suicidal and still get papped on to waiting lists and no help. here your dd is having 2x a week support. It would be a very very foolish decision to throw this away.

You have said once a week it is at home and once a week out. So ONCE a week you have to get the dog out the way for an hour?

Start now - 10 mins a day and increase it and give it some new toys/bones - anything! Let it watch dog TV!

Believe me parents are phoning up begging, in tears for any support. If you ask to change worker because you are unable to comply with a simple request then I am not sure you will be offered another chance. Plenty of families desperate for help.

guiltynetter · 31/01/2016 07:52

just to add to these posts that this is a standard thing for HCP's and social workers. I work with children's community nurses and one of the things that ask on arranging a first visit is can you make sure any dogs/pets aren't in the room.

to be honest I think once people started saying 'it's only an hour' etc OP added on the 'musnt even be able to hear the dog' thing which is quite frankly ridiculous

NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 08:00

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 08:03

Lemur - no she is not a 'social worker'... We got in contact with SS who referred us to this organisation that put my daughter on this programme.

OP posts:
SauvignonPlonker · 31/01/2016 08:08

OP, you just don't like what you are hearing. Your responses are goady.

Many HCP's have come on to this thread & told you it is standard practice for HCP's to request animals are kept out the way during home visits, for various reasons (distraction, allergies, phobia, courtesy).

Yet you continue to mock this support worker for her fear.

You need to get a bloody grip.

KacieB · 31/01/2016 08:10

What Sauvignon said.

Coldlightofday · 31/01/2016 08:11

I am astounded that you meet the threshold for social care involvement, unless it is more complex than you have described.

Social care are so overstretched in my area families are being exited at a frightening rate...

tabulahrasa · 31/01/2016 08:12

In fairness Sauvignon - the OP said pages ago what she was planning to do about it.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 08:16

I am not mocking the sw for her fear! I'm mocking the ott responses where it is being suggested my dog is a savage wanting to attack her - fucking ridiculous!
I have no problem with any other responses and have taken on board that I need to train my dog hence while I will start crate training him!!!

OP posts:
ovenchips · 31/01/2016 08:20

This thread is the perfect example of why we need a 'hide poster' option.

A thread has been derailed about something pretty damn important to the OP by one person's unpleasant, aggressive style of posting. Which is clearly an attention-seeking tactic. It's not on.

KacieB · 31/01/2016 08:29

Yes - but you're not listening to the person telling you "we can't trust dog owners to assess risk of their own pets".

You see him as fluffy and sleepy like every dog owner sees theirs. Sadly all dogs can be a threat under the right circumstances (just like any human can be) so saying "it's a spaniel" doesn't cover it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/01/2016 08:32

OP , I'm still with you and you haven't been goady. Best of luck to you.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 08:46

KacieB - I am crate training my dog. I have listened and taken on board advice on this thread. I'm going to crate train him not only for the sw sake but because I can see how it would be beneficial for my dog to feel safe in another room on his own without feeling distressed!

OP posts:
KacieB · 31/01/2016 08:51

Ok - Sauvignon's response was to this exchange:

Professional: "we just can't let you be the judge of your pets behaviour"

Person: "but my dog is fine! Not a snarling beast! Get a grip! FFS!"

... Do you really not see what I mean about mocking/not taking the meaning?

Glad you're doing training though and I hope that means your daughter gets help which (I think?) is the important thing.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 31/01/2016 08:56

Sadly all dogs can be a threat under the right circumstances (just like any human can be) so saying "it's a spaniel" doesn't cover it.

I agree. I grew up having dogs and we have them now. I under no illusion as to what they are capable of.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 09:01

I haven't said my dog isn't a threat because 'he's a spaniel'.
I was asked what breed my dog was and answered the questioned.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 09:06

Thank you ThroughThickAndThin01

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 31/01/2016 09:15

Our dog came to us at 12 months old and hadn't ever been put away or crate trained. We put a stair gate on the kitchen/utility room door and began feeding her in there with the gate closed. She soon realised that the gate being closed wasn't a negative thing; her bed was also in there and she'd have a chewy treat or a Kong to keep her busy. Now if we have guests I know don't like dogs, she goes away. She can still see us through the gate and just lies down and power-naps while our guests come.

We had DS2's teacher come for a home visit last summer before he began reception. I work with her so know that she's terrified of cats and dogs. It was just courtesy that we put them out while she visited, and let them back as soon as she'd gone. Anyone who wants to help my DCs has to take priority over the dog. And I love my dog. But she's a dog. And your DD sounds as though she's gaining a great deal from this.

MidniteScribbler · 31/01/2016 09:21

Yes - but you're not listening to the person telling you "we can't trust dog owners to assess risk of their own pets".

But there also has to be an element of sensible risk assessment. A Cavalier locked away in a room is of no risk to the SW. A pitbull left to roam the house is a high one.

I put my dogs in my kennels when visitors come because I know that a pack of 5 dogs can be overwhelming to most, but until her death, my old girl would generally be left in whatever bed she was sleeping in. She was a certified therapy dog, used to come to school with me and work as a reading therapy dog, went to nursing homes, worked with children with special needs. The chances of her suddenly turning into a snarling beast demon was slim to none. She was 16, if she even looked up when a visitor arrived then I'd be surprised. If someone came who was genuinely terrified of dogs, then I'd shut the door of whatever room she was sleeping in, but I wouldn't drag her out to the kennels and lock her in a concrete run because the thought of a dog being in my house for someone was too difficult for them.

Everything in life involves a common sense level of risk assessment. Every time we choose to get in a car, or on a plane, or boil a kettle. You assess, you take reasonable steps to protect yourself and your family, and you make reasonable requests of others to enable that. Asking for the dog to be locked away is fine, and the OP complied with that request. A small breed dog locked away for the duration of the appointment should be the end of the issue. Eradicating any sight of dog items and the sound of a dog is an overreaction.

Strangeoccurence · 31/01/2016 09:29

I cant believe there are 17 pages over this!
OP has an issue between her dog and a support worker. First visit was fine due to OP being able to put dog in the room with her ds. Now ds is going to be out on the next visit, this isnt going to happen.
So OP is asking for possible solutions.

OP quite likes the idea of crate training as she can see this could help in other areas.

How is OP being classed as goady?
Shes taken some advice she likes the sound of and is going to act on it.

SarfEast1cated · 31/01/2016 09:45

Strange I think the thread would have resolved itself quicker and much more amicably if a certain poster hadn't stepped in to offer her own unique brand of phobia counselling.
As I said about 18 hrs ago, I hope everything turns out well for you OP.

SuburbanRhonda · 31/01/2016 10:10

I also think this thread would have ended much sooner (and been more helpful to the OP) if the OP herself had challenged the goady poster and told her to wind her neck in.

The fact she didn't respond to any of the goady poster's comments suggests to me that on some level she agrees that the support worker just needs to pull herself together and get on with her job.

SauvignonPlonker · 31/01/2016 10:17

Agreed, as evidenced in her 08.00 response to a HCP with a fear of dogs.

It's reflective of a few dog-owners, who have a strangely superior/arrogant attitude to people who don't share their views of their dogs. You see it all the time on threads.

UndramaticPause · 31/01/2016 10:32

A Cavalier locked away in a room is of no risk to the SW. A pitbull left to roam the house is a high one.

Actually you're probably more at risk of a nip from the cavalier

I hate people who stereotype bull terrier breeds