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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 23:36

Yeah and I have said I agreedog should be out of the way. It's not enough for the sw though is it. She doesn't like whining either. Maybe op should muzzle the dog too?!

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/01/2016 23:38

Rhonda, I wouldn't "suck it up", I'd possibly put the dog in the garden, not shut in a room. I wouldn't shut a dog in a room any more than I'd shut the DC in a room.

Maybe it would be a good idea not to allocate sw's with a phobia of dogs to families with dogs.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 23:39

Ive been on mumsnet for about 7or8yrs and one thing ive learned above all is people dont read properly. Then then twist things and make their own version of events.
Its quite amusing realky.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 23:40

Yeah and I have said I agreedog should be out of the way. It's not enough for the sw though is it. She doesn't like whining either.

Yes, we know, we have read.
What do you want?

I'm not sure what you want people to do, be surprised that you read it?

Maybe op should muzzle the dog too?!
Finally a suggestion!
even a sarcastic one is progress.
Have a Star
And another for the good reading comprehension.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 23:41

Ive been on mumsnet for about 7or8yrs and one thing ive learned above all is people dont read properly. Then then twist things and make their own version of events. Its quite amusing realky.

Yeah like what you did above when you said the OP did ask for training advice.

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 23:42

A muzzle won't stop whining...and it takes longer to muzzle train than to crate train a dog.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 23:44

How come.my suggestions(stop.bending over backward for sw) are ridiculous, but paying for dog walking, crate training, or even getting someone to take the dog for 90min twice a wk(lucky if you get someone to do that) to appease the sw are quite normal?

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 23:45

Joke, tabulah

NotTheGoodLife · 30/01/2016 23:47

Not read the whole thread, but don't see the issue. Couldnt you put DD and SW in one room and shut the door?

You are getting a free one-to-one service to help your DD. You don't even have to travel, they are coming to your home. Instead of being grateful, you're nit-picking about the dog Shock.

Facilitating help for your DD by keeping the dog out seems a small price to pay. Hope it all goes well for your DD.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 23:47

How come.my suggestions(stop.bending over backward for sw) are ridiculous

Because, as has been explained TELL HER TO STOP DOING IT! is a very very silly suggestion and not based in any kind of reality.

Maybe we should tell the OP's daughter to stop being depressed and save hours of sessions.

ilovesooty · 30/01/2016 23:48

The OP has still not confirmed that the worker stated specifically that it was not sufficient to put the dog in another room but she needed it to be out of sound as well as sight.

SauvignonPlonker · 30/01/2016 23:49

I always get a "unique" insight into the psyche of dog-owners on these threads. I often wonder who is more barking, the owners or their dogs?

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 23:50

"How come.my suggestions(stop.bending over backward for sw) are ridiculous, but paying for dog walking, crate training, or even getting someone to take the dog for 90min twice a wk(lucky if you get someone to do that) to appease the sw are quite normal?"

Because she needs a solution that keeps the support in place for her DD.

christinarossetti · 30/01/2016 23:54

Some dog owners/lovers are taking someone's dog phobia a bit too personally.

The midwife who came round after one of my dc was born screamed when she saw our cat and said 'I'm really frightened of cats. And that's a really ugly one.'

Fair enough, I thought, and shut the cat either outside or upstairs when I knew she was coming round.

Maybe I wasn't being empathetic enough to my cat's hurt feelings, but it honestly didn't seem like a big deal.

OP, honesyly, get a dog walker for an hour twice a week, then both adults can focus on the needs of the child.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 23:57

I agree op needs to keep support in place for her dd but seriously when does that .involve supporting the support worker lol
Sauvignon
Again I agree about some dog owners and believe me, im not like some dog owners.
What worries me more are people who say they dislike animals. Very odd. Never trust anyone who doesn't like animals :-)

christinarossetti · 31/01/2016 00:01

I don't particularly like animals.

I've never hurt one, heck, I don't even eat them, but I don't:actually 'like' them.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 00:05

Ilovesooty - the support worker intentionally requested that the dog was put away when she called me to discuss her visit.
On her visit I answered the door to her hiding round the corner of my house waiting for me to confirm the dog was completely out of sight. The sounds the lady didn't like was my dog occasionally scratching and whining at the door to be let out, it put her on edge as she kept asking if the dog could in any way escape.
She hasn't actually said the words "I don't want to hear any noises from your dog" but him being out of sight was clearly not enough for her.

OP posts:
Veritat · 31/01/2016 00:07

Maybe it would be a good idea not to allocate sw's with a phobia of dogs to families with dogs.

Oh, fantastic. Because of course all social work departments are positively overrun with social workers with this specific expertise.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 31/01/2016 00:08
  • initially not intentionally
OP posts:
ilovesooty · 31/01/2016 00:08

Thank you for the clarification. So she didn't specify that the dog had to be out of sound range.

SuburbanRhonda · 31/01/2016 00:08

Maybe it would be a good idea not to allocate sw's with a phobia of dogs to families with dogs.

Actually the SW has been allocated to the DD, not to the family.

Asking for a different SW was one of the (ridiculous) suggestions made at the beginning of the thread but people who are knowledgeable about these things pointed out that it could result in a much longer wait for the service the DD clearly needs. I think even the OP didnt take this suggestion seriously and realised she needs to do something about the dog, not the SW.

MidniteScribbler · 31/01/2016 00:09

But putting the dog away is all that is necessary. The OP has put the dog out of sight and secured from where the SW is working. The SW needs to now just get on with it and do their job. Expecting their clients to pay for trainers, crates and dog walkers to appease their phobia is too much. I bet a lot of their clients are not in a financial position to afford paying out extra money due to someone coming to their home who may have a fear of their pet.

I have a phobia of snakes. So if I went to someone's house who had a pet snake, then I'd ask that the snake stayed in it's tank, and I couldn't be in the same room that the tank was in. But that is as far as my rights go. I can't demand they take it to a snake kennel or where ever it that people leave their pet snakes when they go on holidays. I need to accept that the owner has secured the animal in it's tank, or I just don't go to their house.

Veritat · 31/01/2016 00:10

There's always the chance next door have a dog that barks and howls and can be heard in OP's home... What then?

It's pretty clear that that wouldn't be a problem. On the basis of the OP's reports, she wasn't worried about the noise, she was worried about the possibility that the dog might get out. If it was in another house I can't see that it would have bothered her.

tabulahrasa · 31/01/2016 00:10

"I agree op needs to keep support in place for her dd but seriously when does that .involve supporting the support worker lol"

When support can be withdrawn if you don't comply with a reasonable request to keep a dog away while someone is working in your home.

The absolute best result of carrying on is a distracted SW worried that the sounds she can hear mean the dog might manage to get out and a stressed dog...which is not exactly ideal for the DC.

Worst is that the support will vanish, never to be seen again.

Of course it makes more sense to do something to sort the situation.

Iusedtobecarmen · 31/01/2016 00:12

Okay asking for a different sw worker might not be be feasible. We've established that. But dear GOD, do people really , in real life, bend over backwards to make sure a hp isnt upset or offended? If so, please tell me where you live so me and all my colleagues can go and work there.