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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not breastfeed?

453 replies

Stephieee · 29/01/2016 22:40

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 30/01/2016 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2016 00:36

And once your children are older you will never give a second thought how you fed them when they were babies

I couldn't agree more.

Given how many kids are starting school overweight/obese at the age of just 4 years old, it seems some people forget that feeding is about far more than just milk.

fabgreat · 30/01/2016 00:37

Op
You would think with a 3rd I would know what to do but I still needed support with breastfeeding. There is support...just ask. In my case...the greatest support was a health support worker who had gone on breastfeeding training. She had all the time in the world to support. So...If you want to...give it a try. Also...just to say...Two of my three went for my breast a few minutes old! Even if you feed a few days they have had colostrum and you have tried. But if you are tired and overwhelmed...just feed your baby how you want to..As it is a special time and do it the way you want to. My mil has tried to tell me what to do for dc3 1st birthday tonight...I just say yes maybe!! Sometimes family can't help themselves...stick to your instincts. Look after yourself.

MistressMerryWeather · 30/01/2016 00:40

It's odd, I just told my lovely SIL how much MN has calmed down regarding the whole BF/FF debate since I joined and it really has.

If this was 2011 there would be buns flying everywhere.

MistressMerryWeather · 30/01/2016 00:42

The fact that there hasn't been any links to the WHOs website is a total triumph.

DisappointedOne · 30/01/2016 00:51

Honestly, I have 'flat nipples' and that worries me that it'll be harder.

Me too. Huge ones on K cup boobs. That I couldn't get nursing bras for. And a baby that had sore jaws from a forceps delivery and no sucking reflex due to a tummy full of mucus.

I didn't BF or FF: I expressed milk for her for the first 8 months and used a frozen stash and a bit of formula to get through to 12 months.

(Appreciate not everyone can do this - it's the best and worst of both options - but just wanted to demonstrate that there are other options than BF or FF.)

CakeNinja · 30/01/2016 00:52

If you had all said YABU, I would have given breastfeeding a go Confused

Right. So you're choosing to ignore your families wishes (as you are perfectly entitled to by the way, your body and all that) but would go with opinions of complete unknown strangers from the Internet. Because we said so. Riiiiigghhttt...

I'm off. This is pretty yawnsome. No one really cares how you feed your baby you know. Your inlaws just don't like you. And your DH is just going along with what many people (not specifically me, just a general view) feel. That bf is best.

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:57

I'm sure many people don't care about half the posts on here, no need to get rude about it.

OP posts:
minifingerz · 30/01/2016 00:58

"The fact that there hasn't been any links to the WHOs website is a total triumph"

Quite

The thread is about reassuring the OP, not encouraging her to explore her choices.

It's a fact free zone. Hurrah!

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 01:02

"If this was 2011 there would be buns flying everywhere."

People have given up.

A reflection of the fact that we now have the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. here

Hey ho.

MistressMerryWeather · 30/01/2016 01:08

Run OP.

run away

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 01:10

"Given how many kids are starting school overweight/obese at the age of just 4 years old, it seems some people forget that feeding is about far more than just milk"

No they don't. That's just one of the things which people wheel out to make themselves feel better about not breastfeeding.

And actually, the lowest rates of breastfeeding are in those sectors of society with the highest rates of childhood obesity.

And the highest rates of breastfeeding are in those sectors with the lowest rates of childhood obesity.

People choose to breastfeed primarily because they feel it's healthiest for their child. As a group they don't stop caring about giving their child the best possible diet once they've stopped breastfeeding. It's a theme that shapes all their feeding choices for their child.

EnglishExpatUSA · 30/01/2016 01:24

I agree that YABU not to just give it a try. I completely understand switching to FF if it doesn't work out, but to actively choose something which you know isn't the best thing for your child, well, I just can't really relate to that.

If you wanted to wean your child with junk food we wouldn't all be sitting here saying, go right ahead, you do what YOU want to do. Of course formula isn't poison (neither is rubbish food) but that doesn't mean it's the healthiest option for your baby either.

ThirtyNineWeeks · 30/01/2016 01:25

It's bullshit that breastfeeding helps against obesity. It's also bullshit that bf-ers necessarily will continue this beatific theme of ensuring their child doesn't end up fat.

I'm currently bfing my four-day-old baby and it is tortuous at times; the pain has been horrible (perfect latch thank you, just damaged nipples from the first 72 hrs of absurd, non-stop feeding) and being stuck beneath a baby that will not be put down is simply too much to bear for some women. 'Breast is Best' simply doesn't ring true for the very high percentage of women who give up before 6 wks.

It really isn't because there's not enough support, it's just very often too tedious and painful. If is always the same bfing nazis advocates who push the agenda on these threads and I have no idea why. We know the mantra Breast is Best. Why are you so invested in impressing it upon everyone else? Why do you care?

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 01:32

To the person who said I don't understand why you wouldn't give your child what is best, is because I don't understand how I baby will latch on to a nipple that isn't even existing... And if it did, surely it wouldn't end well.

OP posts:
kali110 · 30/01/2016 01:35

Ffs op yanbu to not want to give it a go! Not everybody wants to bf.
You're not a bad mother if you don't!
I'll support anyone who wants to bf, but i never will, and i'm perfectly happy saying because i don't want to.

MistressMerryWeather · 30/01/2016 01:37

If you wanted to wean your child with junk food we wouldn't all be sitting here saying, go right ahead, you do what YOU want to do

I hear the NutriBullet does a marvelous job on a big mac for weaning purposes.

I'm not sure how it would cope with the chips though, but I'm sure some milkshake would help with the consistency.

kali110 · 30/01/2016 01:38

step if you want to give it a go, try it. If it doesn't wotk out formula isn't poison, or the equivalent to junk food. If you don't want to risk it don't!
What's most important is you not being so stressed out when you've just had a baby x

kali110 · 30/01/2016 01:39

mistress yes i've it all regarding formula now!

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2016 01:41

It's fine to choose formula.

I have a seven month old baby. True formula was my second choice but breastfeeding only lasted a fortnight. Would I attempt breastfeeding a (hypothetical) second child? Probably not.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2016 01:43

English

I know you don't mean to sound like a dick and yet...

LeaLeander · 30/01/2016 01:43

Ignore them. I and many others were bottle fed from day one and last i checked my MENSA membership was intact and at age 52 I have yet (knock wood) to have any illness other than cold or flu, have never been hospitalized, great life despite lack of breast milk.

Have to say though: What you do NOT tell people, they can NOT comment on. Why would you be alerting your MIL and others to such a personal decsion that absolutely does not concern them? It's no secret that breast vs. bottle is a controversial topic and has been for more than 50 years. Why give them the fodder in the first place??

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 01:45

DH told her

OP posts:
kali110 · 30/01/2016 01:46

Op your dh should be supporting you on this. x

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2016 01:47

True to a point mini but I know some who is ebf but then is also merrily weaning her child on Chinese takeaways etc. Which is, in my opinion, taking the idea of blw "baby eats what I eat" rather too far.

It isn't as black and white as bf= healthy eating for life.