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AIBU?

AIBU to not breastfeed?

453 replies

Stephieee · 29/01/2016 22:40

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

OP posts:

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Stephieee · 30/01/2016 01:47

I really don't know how to get him to! x

OP posts:

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LeaLeander · 30/01/2016 01:48

Then you have a DP problem. Why is he transmitting such personal info outside of your relationship????

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sallysparrow157 · 30/01/2016 01:50

There's absolutely no reason why you can't do both. You can give just formula, you can breast feed, you can breast feed with top ups of formula if you or the baby is struggling, you can express breast milk and give it in a bottle, you can breast feed when you're in the house and have all the time in the world to get into a comfortable position and then give bottles (expressed milk or formula) when you're out and about.

Basically, there is no need to make a decision now about how you are going to feed a baby that hasn't been born yet. You can do whatever you want to do and whatever works for you and your baby once the baby is born.

Those first few feeds of colostrum are really important in establishing the baby's gut flora and immunity. I would suggest that you try one breast feed, or try to express one little bit of colostrum whilst you're still in the hospital and have the midwives and breast feeding advisory people to help you, but also bring in some formula so you have absolutely no stress - if it doesn't work you still have milk to feed your baby on standby, if you get a little bit of colostrum but you don't think you can continue, your baby has had that really important first feed, if it works better than you expected maybe you can continue with breast feeding.

Don't make any decisions now - means you don't have to stress about it and you can just tell family 'we'll see how it goes when baby is here' - they can't argue with that!

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MistressMerryWeather · 30/01/2016 01:51

Stephieee if you do want to BF and are concerned about latching then I can't recommend the feeding topic here on MN enough. They really are a helpful bunch (obviously avoid the more extreme posters as you have seen here).

Your midwife will also be able to have a look and guide you to resources if you ask.

But please don't be guilt-tripped into doing something you don't want to do.

This isn't life or death.

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EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 30/01/2016 03:01

It's entirely up to you if you breastfeed or formula feed. Nobody has the right to decide for you.

I formula fed my first baby, and breastfed my second baby for 14 months, I got judged a hell of a lot more when I was breastfeeding, mainly by family!

My Dds are now 7 & 4, nobody would have any idea how each were fed.

Honestly, just do what feels right for you and baby, no one else's opinion matters.

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Xenadog · 30/01/2016 03:32

My response would be, "Happy mum equals happy baby. If anyone is going to give me stress by being negative then I must avoid them too." Stare pointedly at whoever is giving you grief, do the head tilt and let the fucker realise if they are going to make life difficult for you, they won't be seeing much of you and therefore the baby.

You feed your child how you want. FF is brill - my dd thrived on it and I really did love my perfect prep machine.

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TheDowagerCuntess · 30/01/2016 03:34

Look, a mother's place is in the wrong, and nowhere is that more evident than when it comes to keeping your baby alive - i.e. feeding it the only thing it can 'eat' (milk) in the early days.

It doesn't matter which way you get milk into you baby - via a breast or a bottle - there will be some interfering busybody popping up from behind the shrubbery to judge you and make you feel inadequate and/or ashamed.

For some reason, milk going into babies drives people insane.

Breastfeeding horrifies vast swathes of people, and bottle feeding horrifies vast swathes of people.

If you're a person who is horrified / disapproving / judgemental / disappointed by another woman's method of keeping her baby alive by her chosen method of getting milk into her (own) baby, then you really need to cop onto yourself, and get out of the house more.

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Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 30/01/2016 03:46

I BF all 3 DC but DS2 needed tube feeding.... Still does aged 6!

I'm in the crew of just not understanding why you wouldn't try to BF. It really didn't cross my mind to FF. My family all thought it was odd to BF as the all did FF from birth.
I don't understand it but then I am me and you are you!!!!
Good luck with new baby X

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Eminybob · 30/01/2016 03:56

It makes me cross that anyone feels that they are entitled to an opinion. Your baby, you choice.

Fwiw when I had DS I met a lovely group of mums through a post natal class. About half of us breastfed, and the other half formula fed, either though choice or because breastfeeding didn't work for them for whatever reason. No one gave a shiny shite what the others did. Our babies are 18 months now and all equally beautiful and healthy and have in no way been affected by the way they were initially fed.
My point is, ignore the busy bodies and when baby comes surround yourself with like minded supportive people.

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Eminybob · 30/01/2016 04:02

Oh and can I just add, I was formula fed because my mum couldn't breast feed and I have an excellent immune system. I'm 35 and have never had a serious illness, even if I get a cold or whatever it's only for a few days and them I'm fine.

I mainly chose to breastfeed as I actually saw it as the easier option, no making up bottles etc (I'm lazy) and also to save money. Not because of any moral objection to formula!

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EnglishExpatUSA · 30/01/2016 05:04

Alis I will simply assume, from your bizarrely angry reaction, that you're feeling insecure about only bf for 2 weeks.

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Wardy1993 · 30/01/2016 05:09

Hi stephieee! Congratulations! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision- I tried breast but couldn't make it work so put ds on bottles- whatever you are comfortable with! As long as dc gets into the world safe and well that's all that matters, hope your pregnancy is going well X X

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LittleBeautyBelle · 30/01/2016 05:24

Love the Dowager's post.

Also, I second Eminy's reasoning on bf. I am lazy too and bf was so much easier than making up bottles!

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StrawberryLeaf · 30/01/2016 06:44

Regarding flat nipples, it's perfectly possibly - they come in all shapes and sizes! I used to squish my boob so there would be a bit more for baby to get hold of. Very quickly your nipples get a bit more elongated. A breastfeeding counsellor or group will be able help you.

For what it's worth I do think yabu, I too don't understand why you wouldn't just try, if you are happy with formula then what have you got to lose?

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Jenny70 · 30/01/2016 06:49

I do think YABU for not trying, despite flat nipples, prev problems etc it may come easily this time. If you try and it does stress you out/not work out, go to plan B by all means. But to abandon Plan A that research tells us has benefits to your baby without trying does seem U to me.

Before I get hounded, can I add I wouldn't offer that opinion to you, unless you asked (which you did), but that is my honest opinion.

Sometimes we all know that the right thing to do is harder than Plan B, but we try to make it work as that is what parenting is about. But also if Plan A doesn't work out, we also have to allow ourselves to let that go and not give ourselves grief over it.

For myself, research says natural birth is better for baby, but I ended up having elective (as in planned) c/s's for all 3 of my children. That decision with my dr's means I have my children safely delivered, but wasn't Plan A. I needed to let go of any what if's, should have's etc, and accept that was my lot... hopefully that doesn't open another can of worms with c/s vs vb - just saying that trying for Plan A makes us do the best we can, and sometimes we end up at Plan B, C or D and that doesn't make us a bad parent, just one that has tried all the options availbable.

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Guitargirl · 30/01/2016 06:59

I was also given grief from some family members for breast feeding for 'so long' (both DCs stopped just before they turned 2).

My DCs are now 9 and 7 and the only time it ever comes up now is on MN or when a friend has a newborn.

Those people who had a go about the bf have moved on to other things to give me grief about. I am still ignoring them.

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ExitStageLeft · 30/01/2016 07:05

I breastfed both of mine for the first few days, and hated every second. I beat myself up about not doing it with DS and was adamant I would at least try to get through the difficult but with DD but I didn't WANT to carry on. I just don't like breastfeeding. I couldn't commit to the responsibility of it all being on me, and I get very panicky when they won't latch properly and are screaming for food so have moved to formula both times. I don't regret it because I have the benefit of being able to see my relationship with both my children is so much more than what they were fed for the first few months of their lives. I'm a good Mum and I don't judge others on their choices, I have lots of friends who breastfeed and I would never say anything about their choice, it just wasn't for me. I might have breastfed for 6 months but then given the baby jars and pouches exclusively. Do what's right for you, but one thing is for sure, parenthood goes in the blink of an eye and is to be enjoyed, if you don't want to do something and the alternative will not harm your baby then do it. Your relationship with your child at 18 will not be based on how you fed them for the first few months.

Oh, and tell your DH to grow a pair.

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HackerFucker22 · 30/01/2016 07:08

I had no intention to breastfeed DD (I was unsuccessful with DS) but she had other ideas. She is now 1 and I still breastfeed.

See how things go. But yep it's your choice and fuck everyone else.

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Greyhorses · 30/01/2016 07:12

I a dreading having to explain my reasons to not BF to people.
I am 25 weeks pregnant and want to go straight to formula. I am not looking forward to explaining to midwife/stopping people trying to shove boob in babies face.

I think it's personal choice and people should mind their own business

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Fratelli · 30/01/2016 07:21

I presume you will be feeding your baby something appropriate? Then yanbu. I bf and still got stick for it so you can't win!

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Jw35 · 30/01/2016 07:33

Yabu for giving 2 fucks what anyone else thinks including us!
The fact you care so much what people think of your decisions is half the reason you have arseholes telling you what to do. Get a backbone and stand up for your right to do as you please as a mother. Trust me you're going to need one from breastfeeding to school to just about everything.

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Belleende · 30/01/2016 07:34

Hi stephanieee, you of course have the right to feed your baby any which way you choose, but I am wondering if your fears about bfing might be unfounded. I have tiny little flat nipples ( on the end of ginormous boobies) my dd is happily sucking away on one of them right now. I did worry about it beforehand but dd doesn't seem to mind She was a natural, just got on with it. Leaving all the emotional and health arguments aside, you can't beat bfing for convenience. Being a bit lazy it worked for me.
having a child can be stressful, they are unpredictable little buggers and I am sure that lots of stuff won't turn out how I had hoped, but as long as I can say I did my best by them that is all i can do.

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Throwingshade · 30/01/2016 07:41

I didn't breasfeed either of my sons. Didn't want to, really did NOT care what anyone said as I felt it was right for me and my DH was happy either way.

No matter how many people tell me otherwise it's made no difference to their health or happiness.

They are both very healthy (touches wood) and always have been, they are now 15 and 16.

I had some pressure from HVs and midwives to bf, but absolutely none from all my lovely friends - all of whom breastfed, my best friend up to 2 years with her three. No judgement at all. Wasn't even a talking point.

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Pipistrella · 30/01/2016 07:48

I don't suppose my opinion is of any interest, given that you have had so many.

But I wonder if you are basing your decision on information that isn't quite accurate.

Your body may surprise you, and be completely great at breastfeeding your baby, despite your concerns.

Your baby, on the other hand, may be intolerant of formula, or have problems with constipation and so on, if you formula feed.

Things can go wrong whichever you choose.

You are not a bad person for being worried about this, however please don't discount breastfeeding totally without ever having tried it, as it can be a really wonderful experience.

I'm not saying you OUGHT to try it. I'm just suggesting that if you do, and it doesn't work out, your baby will probably be fine to transition to formula - and if it does work out, you might find you enjoy it and your child gets on really well with it.

So I don't mind what you do, but don't make a decision based on fear of it not working, when many people have fed in your situation very successfully xxx

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AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 30/01/2016 07:48

I breastfed my DD till she was 4, despite my family telling me I should put her on a bottle at days old. Maybe we should swap families?!

Seriously though, fuck em. If you don't want to, don't. If it helps, I haven't had one single comment about my feeding of DS in nearly two years so maybe they too will realise that they won't change your mind this time round.