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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to not breastfeed?

453 replies

Stephieee · 29/01/2016 22:40

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

OP posts:
usual · 29/01/2016 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2016 23:53

I would imagine the vast majority of the posters who were thinking yabu simply haven't posted on this thread. Given that it's a support site, and how you phrased your op.
If you want lots of yabu's, as you're wanting the encouragement to go for it, than yes, yabu to not even try.

DixieNormas · 29/01/2016 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LagunaBubbles · 29/01/2016 23:57

personally I don't understand how you wouldn't even try

Can only speak for myself - because I didn't want to.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/01/2016 23:59

Exactly, Dixie. I certainly don't
I've got enough worries of my own

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 30/01/2016 00:06

If you're secretly wanting us all to say YABU to push you to give it a try, then YABU. Give it a go. You may love it, you may not.

If you don't want to do it, YANBU. Get your DH to tell your MIL to wind her neck in.

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:08

No, I'm really not secretly wanting you all to say YABU! I want honest opinions

OP posts:
fabgreat · 30/01/2016 00:12

I have breastfed all 3. Currently breastfeeding my 3rd. I wanted to. I don't care what others do. It is up to individuals. Do what YOU want. When I first breastfed I was struggling and my mil said don't worry just give a bottle...but I wanted to breastfeed and did succeed eventually. I ignored my mil! So ignore those who are trying to tell you what to do. My dh supported me in any way. There are pros and cons to bottle and breast...so do what you choose to do. You carry baby for 9 months.It is your body.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2016 00:14

If you want honest opinions, your op needs to say something like 'what are the pros and cons of bf vs ff'. Not 'support me please in my decision not to bf.'

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 00:15

OP - why don't you just post: AIBU to post here so that everyone will tell me exactly what I want to hear?

Here, let me chip in:

The only person who matters is YOU!

There are no health benefits to breastfeeding no matter what the NHS says

Your baby will be fine regardless of how they are fed. I know this as ALL babies are fine all the time. and I have a crystal ball

Is that everything?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2016 00:15

My answer would have been very different if you'd said, "unsure if I should try BF or not, worried things could go wrong". Just saying.

coconutpie · 30/01/2016 00:16

YABU - why won't you even try? It might actually work out for you. If it somehow doesn't, well you can decide then if you no longer wish to bf. And I don't think the excuse "because I don't want to" is an actual excuse. Why would you not want to? Breastmilk is amazing, it provides antibodies for your baby, it's perfect for their digestive systems, etc etc. I think saying "well I don't want to" is not a reason not to. At least be honest with why you decided not to for whatever reason rather than just saying you didn't want to. Most women can actually breastfeed, it's a small minority who can't. Formula is and always will be a poor substitute for breastmilk, not trying to guilt trip, it's a fact.

If you must choose formula then at least know that by feeding formula, you introduce a whole host of risks, not just that "breast is best". Breast is the normal way to feed a baby.

ollieplimsoles · 30/01/2016 00:20

Op you feed your baby how ever you want!

If you fancy having a go at breast feeding then do it, make sure you get plenty of support in the early days. But if you don't fancy it its not a crime!

I breast feed, I really enjoy it and it pisses mil off to no end as she can never get to dd without me, so win win.

I wouldn't do it if it made me unhappy though! There's so much more to raising a baby than how you feed!

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:22

Honestly, I have 'flat nipples' and that worries me that it'll be harder.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2016 00:22

And once your children are older you will never give a second thought how you fed them when they were babies. I have teens now and it doesn't even cross my mind unless I see one of these threads.

StrictlyMumDancing · 30/01/2016 00:23

I never breastfed DC2. I just couldn't thanks to the awful treatment I got from the health visitors and midwives when I didn't breastfeed DC1 - she was taken shortly after birth to NICU and I was told to pick a formula for her. Yes told, not shown a pump or talked to about whether I wanted to breastfeed. I was shown a pump 2 days later when someone else mentioned it to me. I never, even pumping, had the supply for her. But they made me feel so awful for something that wasn't my choice. Refused to help me when DC1 had feeding issues.

I decided DC2 should be fed in a way I'd learned how to deal with. Sometimes I feel a bit bad about it. My MIL occasionally acts all superior about the fact she breastfed when I didn't. But then she used to feed DH crap to shut him up whilst BIL was fussing and fed and wonders why DH is more prone to weight issues Hmm.

Don't listen to other people, go with what's right for you, what you feel in your gut Flowers

coconutpie · 30/01/2016 00:23

Flat nipples aren't a problem - go to a breastfeeding class beforehand or to a la Leche meeting and get some advice.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2016 00:24

worries me that it'll be harder Possibly, possibly not. Why is trying and swapping to FF worse than not trying? I don't care either way but if that's you reason it could be worrying about nothing.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2016 00:25

Then I would try it in your position. If it doesn't work out, fine, switch to formula, no drama.

SaltySeaBird · 30/01/2016 00:25

I had the opposite - constant comments and disapproval for wanting to breastfeed. One relative said it was very idealistic and third world but not really necessary living in the UK and not something they wanted done in their house! I ended up BF for a year and trained as a supporter.

It's the first of many things you'll find that everyone has an opinion on. Do what's right for you, stick to your beliefs.

Your child, your body, your decision.

fabgreat · 30/01/2016 00:25

Ollieplimsoles
My mil has this issue☺

ollieplimsoles · 30/01/2016 00:28

Its great isn't it fab?

She's always saying 'when are you going to feed her properly?!' Hahaha

Everyone has an opinion on everything you do as a parent...

MistressMerryWeather · 30/01/2016 00:30

Rational people don't care and won't judge you about how you choose to feed your baby. They won't give you unsolicited advice about such a personal subject.

If this is your choice then it's not even your midwives place to do anything other than inform you of the facts and support your decision.

Paying attention to irrational people never ends well so ignore them.

Gobbolino6 · 30/01/2016 00:31

You can't win in parenting. I bf my youngest for 18 months and plenty of people told me it was too long. The key is to smile, nod and just carry on doing what you think is best.

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 00:31

"And once your children are older you will never give a second thought how you fed them when they were babies."

Sadly that's not always true.

hence the number of MIL's and DM's sabotaging and criticising their dd's and dil's feeding choices.

Lots of people with unresolved 'issues' around feeding years later.

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