AIBU to not breastfeed?

[Stephieee]

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

[FetchezLaVache]

Your MIL just doesn't like you. She's going to criticise your every choice as a matter of course. I know it's easier said than done, but I think you've made enough effort to keep her happy and now just need to disengage. Let your mantra be the MN standard: "No, that doesn't work for me" repeated as often as necessary.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Your choice, innit.
I bf both mine, my sister didn't.

[roundaboutthetown]

I was too scared to formula feed - paranoid about the idea of sterilising and needing lots of equipment cluttering up the kitchen, worrying about giving my baby food poisoning if I got it wrong, and scared of getting caught in a situation where I had a hungry baby and no milk available. We all have different phobias! Do what feels right to you and is least likely to make you anxious. Breast feeding isn't problematic or stressful for everyone - I found it enjoyable and relaxing. For other people, the reverse is true.

[FetchezLaVache]

Posted too soon! I was also going to say that you need to be having words with your DH as well. The evidence that FF doesn't harm babies- a healthy DS- is right before his eyes, so he needs to stop pressurising you. Your body, not his, and if you don't fancy it, that's the end of the chat. Could he be trying to keep his mumsie sweet by taking her side, do you think?

[CatsRule]

I was given very opinionatwd and spiteful comments about how awful and selfish I was for breastfeeding...it doesn't matter what you do, someone will feel entitled to an opinion on what you're doing. It's a personal choice...nobody elses business!

Formula feeding is not a bad choice, nor are you an awful mother for making you choice...the right choice for you.

[Stephieee]

Maybe!

Thanks guys, I'll be showing DH your comments!

[SovietKitsch]

You can't do right for doing wrong you know - I breastfed mine, but got all sorts of grief from my PILs for it, they clearly told all their mates because they were so appalled by my odd behaviour, and I was being unreasonable because they couldn't have a go feeding the babies. BOLLOCKS!!

Do what you need to do Stephieee and sod anyone else. Have a stern word with your DH though, because he needs to know now, that he needs to be behind you on this one.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

Your mil has no business telling you how to take care of your ds and insulting you. You will do what is best for your child.

I decided before my son was born that I wanted to bf, but it is different for everybody. I bf my ds for 15 months. It was rough going at first, my milk didn't come in for quite a while, and ds just wasn't latching and then not getting enough...it was hard but eventually it happened and then it was smooth sailing from then on. I have to say it was a bonding experience with the side benefit of melting the post baby weight off. In six weeks I was back to a size 4/6 (US size) and I feel it was all from the bf. I certainly wasn't exercising or dieting. At that time I wasn't aware of the reports of how bf helped take off the baby weight so I was utterly amazed. Immediately after ds was born, I still looked like I was 7 months pregnant, so to lose all that so easily without effort (was addicted to m&ms all during that period too) and so quickly, really was amazing. It helped take my mind off the excruciating pain for those six weeks from the tearing and stitching from childbirth. I couldn't sit or take a shower without terrible pain for six weeks.

That said, every mother has her own intuition of what is best. There is nothing wrong with formula. My obstetrician recommended formula or a combination and I did use formula occasionally. Personally, I felt bf was right for us. But many, many babies are and have been ff for decades and decades and they are perfectly fine. It is up to the mother. Some moms bf for a few weeks and then ff. It is up to you, not anybody else.

Ignore these people telling you what to do or just say "Dh and I make the decisions on how to care for our child. I am the mother. End of discussion. And if you continue to insult me, you will be cutting yourself off from all of us." (sorry, maybe that is too blunt.)

[WandaFuca]

Both FF and BF are perfectly fine. I've done both.

FF these days is very safe, and you are already experienced with that.

Are your family involved with animals? I watch Animal Planet programmes a lot, and there is often reference to the need for baby animals to get the colostrum for immunity, and for "mother's milk" because hand-rearing baby animals can be difficult as there usually isn't a researched suitable alternative. But none of that applies to modern human formula.

Too often, other people put pressure on new mothers to do what they think she should do. But in my view, it's what suits the mother'n'baby that works the best.

[Crazypetlady]

It's completely your choice. Yes it's your Dh's baby also but he won't be the one to breastfeed. Ignore your family most people don't care. I don't get why people get so worked up about people who don't bf on here it's not their child.

[CakeNinja]

Our of curiosity, if we had all said YABU, would you have changed your mind?
I'm guessing no
Just get on with what you're doing, there doesn't need to be any discussion or confrontation. It's up to YOU. And if you're not going to challenge your MILs comment you will allow yourself to be spoken to yourself like you're a piece of shit forever more.
Either stand up for yourself or brush it under the carpet. No point mithering about on here, we can't change anything for you.
for you, and please find a way to live your life how you want to.

Fwiw (probably nothing!) I was young when my first was born and my mil, midwife and dp all persuaded me to bf. I wasn't keen, but we lived 5 floors above the kitchen so I was hesitant about traipsing up and down in the middle of the night anyway. It was painful and hard work to start with but mil and dp really encouraged and supported me and I was glad for myself that I persevered in the end.

Good luck with the new baby op.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Your MIL told your husband that he married a horrible woman? 😮

What did he say to that?

[Stephieee]

If you had all said YABU, I would have given breastfeeding a go

[Stephieee]

He said nothing... He 'likes to respect his mum'

[MrsTerryPratchett]

That's worrying. Don't you think you're entitled to your own reasons and choices?

[Highsteaks]

My MIL made a couple of comments about how 'its not about how difficult it is for you, its what is best for the baby'. Tbh, she is the last person I would take parenting advice from in general, I still have no idea how my DH turned out so well!

And even my own mum has made a few passive aggressive comments about 'not giving it a chance' or ' has been having a really hard time feeding but they told me that obviously they are going to persevere for baby's sake'.....I'm dreading my sister having a baby in that respect, as I know she will be a 'perseverer' and I know I will hear all about it!

I breastfed each of mine for 3 weeks and hated every second. I don't really.care what my mum/MIL says now, as mine are happy and healthy and lovely and appear to have come out of being formula fed unscathed You will feel like this too one day very soon.

[villainousbroodmare]

Why don't you want to give it a go? If you're lucky, it's cheap, easy, convenient and cuddly. If you're not, you can do what you were first planning, and ff.

[kilmuir]

YABU not to try, BUT your DH needs a kick up arse for not telling mother to wind her neck in

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Why would you give BFeeding ago if a load of Strangers on line said. YABU. Like I said before. Your body. Your choice.
That's all well and good that he likes to respect his mum, applaudable in fact but, its not her baby

[Stephieee]

kilmuir why am I being unfair not to try?

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Not helpful, Kil.

[Stephieee]

I don't want to give it a go because there are a lot of things that may not turn out that good and it would stress me, if things didn't plan out

[Iggi999]

Wandafuca - I don't understand your post, are you saying formula replaces the benefits of colostrum? I've never heard anyone claim formula passes on any immunity!