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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my baby is absolutely not too old to be breastfeeding

309 replies

NoCapes · 29/01/2016 21:15

I know what you're thinking, this is going to be about somebody breastfeeding a toddler or pre-schooler and there will be a bit of a debate ...
Well, my baby is 12 fucking weeks old! Hmm

Having tea and a scone in M&S cafe this afternoon when an older lady walking past, not realising he was feeding, stopped to coo at him and when she realised he was fucking about and absolutely not feeding feeding she looked disgusted, tutted and walked away saying to her husband (presumably) that "that baby was far too old to be doing that I mean, really!" Causing a few people around to look over and see what I was doing to my baby

I was shocked and alone at the time (mum was in the queue) and I didn't say anything, just sunk into my chair a little bit
Telling DP when I got in and I'm actually ashamed to say that I had a little cry, and now I'm annoyed that I was upset about it
Stupid woman

AIBU to think - what the fuckity fuck, he is absolutely no where near 'too old' and to be really fucking annoyed with myself that I didn't say anything and that I let her upset me?

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 30/01/2016 23:42

Which needs of mine are being met by my ds' occasional feeds? I would be keen to learn.

5madthings · 30/01/2016 23:43

No the paediatrician didn't say it wasn't necessary bit was rather stupid in assuming that as a toddler ds2 was solely bfed. I just said yes he eats a wide range of food but he also still bfeeds as is recommended by the who. At which point he looked rather embarrassed. He was young, and Tbf lots of medical professionals are completely misinformed and lacking when it comes to bfeeding, it's not something theu do any training on. Even midwives and health visitors get very little teaching about bfeeding.

So my experience with that one paediatrician doesn't confirm anything.

Another time at the hospital. When heavily preg with ds3 I was feeding ds2 and the consultant was thrilled,she was of Asian background but she positively raved about how good it was ds2 was still feeding and told me how good it would be to tandem feed... So two different medical professionals, two different experiences..

Only1scoop · 30/01/2016 23:46

Op Yanbu

Flat I understand where you are com

Only1scoop · 30/01/2016 23:47

Sorry
Coming from

FlatOnTheHill · 30/01/2016 23:48

Iggi
The paediatrician thought he was not on solids because the two year old was being breast fed.
Which in fact he was on solids therefore did not need breast milk.
The paediatrician was right. He was probably wondering why the hell the 2 year old was still latching on.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 23:52

I do hope he is ok now

He still has a lot of issues, but bone wise he's fine, thank you.

DixieNormas · 30/01/2016 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 30/01/2016 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnuffleGruntSnorter · 30/01/2016 23:57

OP, don't be too saddened by a couple of attitudes on here. I've seen a fair few breastfeeding threads and the same couple names are on all of them. For some reason a few people just have a bit of a chip on their shoulder about breastfeeding and feel the need to jump on to every thread.

You're doing brilliantly. Feed for as long as works for you and your baby. It's no one else's business.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/01/2016 23:57

Soup
Do you know what it is? Ive seen my friends grand daughter playing and having fun with other kids.
Then the child runs up to her mother, then the child lifts the mums top up, grabs her boob, puts it in her mouth and at the same time the child is trying to talk with the nipple in her mouth and pointing at the other kids. Do you get the scene? Tit out on full show, trying to be earth mother. Kid just doing it for habit. This is constant, its absolutely vile
Then the next minute the mother gives her a cup of juice.
We all sit there eyerollling and cringing. The child is 2 and half.

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/01/2016 23:58

5madthings I'm assuming a male paediatrician? He was obviously disturbed at the sight of a tit. Hmm

MrsA2015 · 30/01/2016 23:58

That's made me soooo angry to read! Miserable old bag. Forget her and of course your baby is not too old sweet little thing Flowers

DixieNormas · 31/01/2016 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggi999 · 31/01/2016 00:02

Iggi
The paediatrician thought he was not on solids because the two year old was being breast fed
Nope, the paediatrician thought he wasn't on solids as he thought bfing meant you hadn't been weaned onto solids yet, ie he was ignorant.
You two would get on well together.

5madthings · 31/01/2016 00:09

Yes it was a male paed, he really was very young though. Interestingly I ended up seeing him again when ds3 was a baby. The appointment was for ds2 but I had to took ds3 bfed three month old with me and at some point fed ds3 and he was concerned that as ds3 was a big baby he wouldn't be getting enough... Well he had got that big on my milk so.... I just said his weight gain was fine and reminded him the appointment was actually for ds2.

I never planned on bfeeding to three/four years or tandem feeding etc. Ds1 weaned at 18mths but ds2 didn't, it's just the way it went. He was happy, I was happy. Incidentally he is 13 now and remembers bfeeding as a cuddly safe time. Bfeeding is just something that happens, something babies and toddlers do as far as my kids are concerned.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 00:12

Dixie
It was fucking rank. I clutched my pearls GrinWink

Cirsium · 31/01/2016 00:29

DD has just turned one, I am still happily BF, after a rocky start, and will do so as long as she wants to. I feed (fairly discretely) in public and have had some looks as she is a real snacker so has frequent short feeds, I think because it soothes her silent reflux. I must make a note of some of the comebacks on this thread as we have my DB's wedding in the summer and I expect I will receive several comments from relatives about feeding a toddler in public. DM asked in anxious tones last summer what I would do if 5-month-old DD needed a feed in front of my great aunt and adult cousin. I gave her a look and replied 'feed her', but then felt very self conscious feeding all day.

I also had a female GP ask me recently how long I would carry on feeding for, very much with an attitude of 'you can stop now you know.' Despite knowing all the benefits /guidelines I felt almost guilty telling her I would be carrying on long term. No wonder our nation's breastfeeding rates are so low.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 01:10

Circium
Your baby is only one so still young.
I dont,think its an issue if breastfeeding rates are low.
If you lined ten 2 year olds up could you tell which one had been breastfed?
No you couldnt. and the same applies to babies and adults. No one even thinks about it once they stop BF. Nothing wrong with formula if thats your choice. Ive never heard of anyone dying from it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/01/2016 01:45

You said if it's your choice.

But you are mainly talking about people who have made the choice not to use it and making quite disparaging comments.

Do you really mean choice or do you mean something more along the lines of you should use formula or cows milk becuase I think it's unnesacery to Breast feed after a couple of months

Cirsium · 31/01/2016 01:47

Thank you for your approval as she is still young Flat. She will still be very young at three or four and if she wants to feed in public I will be letting her.

I feel the breastfeeding statistics is an issue because it is often difficult for women to get the support they need regardless of their feeding choices. I only managed to continue breastfeeding because I did a lot of research myself to overcome supply issues caused by me being forced to give formula top ups on day 1 (they would not entertain cup or syringe feeding, I was told she would have to have a nasal tube if I didn't agree). I was given no support to express and maintain my supply, just given the equipment,a quick demo (I was so exhausted I registered none of it) and left to get on with it, often in tears as I found it so painful and got barely any milk. DD had got used to bottles and struggled to latch. HVs, midwives and our areas NHS expert would only offer me a feed/top up/express solution which did not work for us as DD had severe reflux and screamed the moment I put her down. Also I have never managed to express more than 30ml in a day, despite hours of pumping (and if you think seeing a toddler breastfeeding is odd, try being expected to double pump in front of all and sundry). The attitude of most people i know and health professionals was 'well you've tried, move onto formula, but I knew I could do more and got DD ebf by using a homemade lactation aid and breast compressions. I would definitely still have been thinking about it if I had given up.

Cirsium · 31/01/2016 01:47

Apologies for the essay.

FrancesNiadova · 31/01/2016 08:38

NoCapes I fed both my babies til' they were about 7 months old, (they're big, strapping teenagers now!)
I could never feed in front of MIL divorced, male best "friend" died, because it was rude & she was much too religious to see such rude things yeah, right!
I tried to explain to BIL (only 2 years younger than me, but babied by her), that no, it wasn't rude, it was better than a plastic bottle, rubber teat & having to sterilize everything. I explained about how mothers milk boosted baby's immunity blah, blah,(because he was snickering at the rudeness of it all).
The thing is, that generation were 1950's kids. The sexual revolution of the 1960's hadn't happened & after the war, society went into an uber-strict social lockdown. They weren't encouraged to breastfeed. The modern mum was encouraged to give these new, shiny, sterilized bottles filled with formula that they knew contained all the necessary nutrients. Think early-days NHS & matron barking orders in her starched bonnet!
Even if you had stopped to reason with her, you would have probably been met with the type of vitriol & dirty innuendo thrown at me by my MIL. (Isn't it strange that the pure & pious jump to such dirty judgements about others!) So it's probably better that you let the ignorant, narrow-minded, woman of her generation go, her views are probably entrenched & she would have just lashed out even more hurt if you'd tried to reason with her. Speaks from bitter experience with MIL

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 08:40

Circium
It sounds like you have been through a lot in trying to initially breastfeed.
More than most would want to endure.
Why put yourself through all of that when you dont need to. Why not make life easier and enjoyable for yourself. Rather than going through emotions, pain and tiredness. In a few years time you wont think about how you fed your child. She will be running around with all the other kids and you will not have a clue who was BF and who was FF out of all of those children.
I believe having a new baby is stressful enough. If you had decided to have FF then you would not have had any of those problems. And your baby now would be no different to a BF baby. Why put yourself through it.

I believe in BF but up until a certain age when it does not become socially awkward and unnecessary. I think BF in the UK is low because people are busy and do not have time for sitting about for hours BF. I was back at work when DS was 12 weeks old so very young. Women in the UK want what is easier.

SoupDragon · 31/01/2016 08:59

Tit out on full show, trying to be earth mother. Kid just doing it for habit. This is constant, its absolutely vile

I'll tell you what is absolutely vile - your attitude.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 09:05

Soup
My attitude to BF when children are 3 years old and above may be in the minority on MN. But I dont know anyone that would consider the scenario I spoke about being normal.

And if anyone else cares to comment it was yesterday 23.57