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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my baby is absolutely not too old to be breastfeeding

309 replies

NoCapes · 29/01/2016 21:15

I know what you're thinking, this is going to be about somebody breastfeeding a toddler or pre-schooler and there will be a bit of a debate ...
Well, my baby is 12 fucking weeks old! Hmm

Having tea and a scone in M&S cafe this afternoon when an older lady walking past, not realising he was feeding, stopped to coo at him and when she realised he was fucking about and absolutely not feeding feeding she looked disgusted, tutted and walked away saying to her husband (presumably) that "that baby was far too old to be doing that I mean, really!" Causing a few people around to look over and see what I was doing to my baby

I was shocked and alone at the time (mum was in the queue) and I didn't say anything, just sunk into my chair a little bit
Telling DP when I got in and I'm actually ashamed to say that I had a little cry, and now I'm annoyed that I was upset about it
Stupid woman

AIBU to think - what the fuckity fuck, he is absolutely no where near 'too old' and to be really fucking annoyed with myself that I didn't say anything and that I let her upset me?

OP posts:
SnuffleGruntSnorter · 31/01/2016 09:09

Nothing wrong with formula if thats your choice. Ive never heard of anyone dying from it.

Absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding. Absolutely nothing wrong with breastfeeding for as long as works for the mother and child either. If you don't like it then just turn your head away, nice and simple. It is absolutely none of your business how anyone else feeds their child, it doesn't matter one bit of you find it 'absolutely vile'.

CalleighDoodle · 31/01/2016 09:13

flat i agree with your last sentense there and that is what bothers me. women in the uk want what is easier Which is fine for them.
But making up bullshit reasons for not bfing, like 'had no milk', 'baby wouldnt latch' or other 'i couldnt because...' Makes other women think it will Be impossible so they start with the attitude of 'if i can bf' and then when it does hurt a bit or does take a bit of getting used to they give up as it just confirms what theyve been told by others.

I would much rather people who didnt bf told the truth, which lets face is wow didnt expect the let dowon to be so strong, or wow my nipples hurt, or the baby fed little and often.

Only 2% of women cant actually breastfeed. All other issues can be overcome with bf support who know what they are doing (probably not your gp). Yet if you believed everyone who told tou they physically couldnt youd think the figure was 92%. that is why the rate in the uk is so low and the attitude towards bf from pepple like you is so poor.

This 'if i can' attitude turns into 'turns out i couldnt' when actually with some guidance they most certainly could.

Pregnant women are led to believe that so
Many people physically cant, so they are feeling the pressure and doubt anout whther they can before the baby is even born for
No good reason at all.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 09:28

Calleigh
Yes there are BF support groups out there. But, most women do not have the energy, time or patience to continue trying to BF when they are struggling with no milk (which can happen), sore nipples when feeding, baby struggling to latch, constant feeding. The list goes on. Why on earth would anyone want lots of stress at an already stressful time. I know women who have sat there in tears in a right state all because of pressure. In this type of situation then make life easy for yourself and FF. You know exactly where you are then and you can get in a routine.

DixieNormas · 31/01/2016 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feeches · 31/01/2016 09:58

My "bullshit reasons" for switching to FF accelerated my descent into PND.

For the record, no one told me or any other women on my local antenatal class how difficult bf could be. I had absolutely no idea how to make up a bottle as the thought I would ever have to never even entered my head. BF is so easy and babies instinctively get it I was told. Maybe for some women it is, but not for many I now know.

I still regret switching so soon as I now realise my problems could be overcome with the right support but at the time I was distressed, hormonal and did not have professional support.

Now I would advise any woman who is struggling to seek as much support as possible before giving up bf as it is out there if you know where to find it. I would never, however, dismiss their struggles as "bullshit" You can fuck off with that patter.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 10:17

Dixie
Ff babies are more content and sleep for longer. And yes most mothers do get into a routine which fits into their life to make it easier.
Freeches
Who has ever mentioned "bullshit struggles"? Only you.
If a bf woman is struggling she can be given all the advice in the world. If it is not working for her and the baby and life is becoming miserable because of it then give it up and ff. Its no big deal how you feed a baby as long as its fed,

DixieNormas · 31/01/2016 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 31/01/2016 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 31/01/2016 10:33

Ff babies are more content and sleep for longer. And yes most mothers do get into a routine which fits into their life to make it easier.

No, some babies are more content and sleep for longer and any other can get into a routine that fits into their life to make it easier regardless of how they choose to feed their baby. Do stop spouting nonsense.

SoupDragon · 31/01/2016 10:34

Anyway, I'm out. Some people are too stuck in their vile opinions and attitudes and there is no pint saying anything. Just eye roll and tut at them.

Feeches · 31/01/2016 10:39

My post was in response to Calleigh's specific use of the word "bullshit" in her post above which I took offense at.

Seriously Flat, do you like missing the entire fucking point or just can't be arsed reading posts properly?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/01/2016 11:06

Feeches.

If you had have had correct support is it likely you would have over come the issues you had (if you felt so inclined to take up this mythical support)?

If so the reason you had for it not working was a lack of support.

All the other reasons would have been 'bullshit' reasons if you had wanted and been given the correct support.

May be an odd way to word it but I can see her point

Eminybob · 31/01/2016 11:11

flat if you choose not to breastfeed past a certain age, that's fine and that's your choice. But how dare you judge others on their choices? Who do you actually think you are? You are ignorant, misinformed and I think you are desperately spoiling for a fight (well done, you have achieved boiling some piss)

Feeches · 31/01/2016 11:37

Needs.

Probably. I will never know. I came across a barrage of issues: failure to latch, thrush, reflux, jaundice. There's an obvious post code lottery when it comes to bf support.

The post to which I was referring was worded in such a way as to infer women who switch early on chose to do so lightly and made up excuses.

If her point was as you say then it was worded very badly indeed.

Anyway, I hate a thread de-rail. People should be free to feed their children however and wherever they see fit. People such as those encountered by the OP should be firmly told to fuck off.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/01/2016 12:31

Obviously I'm not her so I can't comment on her actual intent but to me it read as if she was meaning we as a piss poor country for Breast feeding condition our members to expect these issues and foster the belief that it means the end of BF and that we cannot or will not provide the correct support to changing this for women who want us to

Fishinminepuddle · 31/01/2016 12:51

flat your ignorance is astounding.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/01/2016 14:07

My baby is ff and pretty content. But that's just how she is. It's not related to how I feed her. I know women with equally content breastfed babies. It's nothing to do with how they're fed!

Booboostwo · 31/01/2016 14:33

Flat you are spectacularly ignorant and, worse, indulging in your ignorance.

As I said before mother's milk has antibodies which continue to benefit the child for as long as you breast feed. There is no formula or milk substitute for this.

I did not stick my breast in my 3yos mouth, she politely asked to feed just like she would ask for a biscuit. Feeding 3yo is real life, you have examples on this thread and if you expanded your limited world view you'd see that feeding children to the natural weaning age is the norm in Japan and Mongolia for example.

Why would my husband be fed up my 3yo is breast feeding? Did he lodge an exclusive right to use my breasts sexually in the 1950s?

Feed what you like but here is no factual support for the claim that ff babies are more content or sleep more.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 14:34

Fish
Ive breastfed and formula fed. I know how it all works.
I just never made a meal of it. Nothing to do with ignorance.
Some women can bf and some cant. And if they cant its no big deal. Bt women for some reason consider themselves a failure. Its bloody ridiculous.
As for toddlers breast feeding. Ie years old and above. Again, i dont think its particularly the norm in the UK. How often do you see it? The majority of women have had enough by then.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 14:41

Eminy
I am giving my opinion just like others on the subject. Just because you do not agree with it does not mean im picking a fight. Its my opinion. Nothing to do with ignorance. I think this whole BF debate not just on here but as a whole in the UK is something a lot of mums are not interested in. Women want to do what is best for them and what makes their life easier. Juggling, other kids, work (most go back before 1 years maternity ends). Some women seem to go through so much in trying to BF in doing the so called "right thing" they do not enjoy the baby.

Fishinminepuddle · 31/01/2016 14:50

I just never made a meal of it. lol.

flat can you please link to some stats backing up your claim that

*I think this whole BF debate not just on here but as a whole in the UK is something a lot of mums are not interested in.
*most go back before 1 years maternity ends
*The majority of women have had enough by then.

just to be sure we are talking about facts not fiction.

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 15:01

Fish
I know plenty of mothers thank you very much. All my friends work in a professional capacity. Some have business some work in city of London. Ive seen them all have kids over the years. They needed what made their lives easier and that was ff. What is wrong with that?

Fishinminepuddle · 31/01/2016 15:24

I know plenty of mothers thank you very much.
Ah, anecdotal then, phew.

All my friends work in a professional capacity. Some have business some work in city of London.
that is impressive!

They needed what made their lives easier and that was ff.
That's lovely! BF was more convenient and enjoyable for us, each to their own, no?

FlatOnTheHill · 31/01/2016 15:29

Fish
Are you married? I know plenty of men who are married to types like yourself. Be careful Wink

Booboostwo · 31/01/2016 15:42

Flat put down the gin and move away from the keyboard.

I think there may be room in the marketplace for a breathalyser controlled keyboard (runs off to Dragon's Den).