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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to keep giving lifts

98 replies

themumfairy · 29/01/2016 13:22

Baby is now a little over a week but some family members seem to have forgotten this. I had about 2 days rest before dp family starting asking for favours. Pick them up and take them home after they've been to see baby. Pop over and drop something off that they'd left at ours when visiting. Oh and take them and their animal to the vets to name a few.
There are only 2 of us in the family that drive and the other person asks for petrol money for these errands so I am always asked first as we don't.
It's dp mum and sister so don't really feel like we can ask for money. Its takes so long to get out the house now in the day and at night i like to settle down and do nothing with my dp and ds1&2. I only hear off mil when she wants something so AIBU to ignore her phone call or message and then put my phone on silent.

OP posts:
londonrach · 29/01/2016 13:24

Just say no. Congratulations by the way

Rebelwithoutapause · 29/01/2016 13:26

Just say no. I agree.

Or start asking for petrol money!

Flyonthewindscreen · 29/01/2016 13:26

YANBU can't believe anyone is asking the mother of a week old baby for favours. Absolutely put your phone on silent but why isn't your DP telling his family they are out of line?

Throwingshade · 29/01/2016 13:26

I wish I'd been more assertive and less martyrish when I had my first son many moons ago. I was in agony and knackered but I still went food shopping, made tea and drinks for visitors, didn't want to be rude by going to sleep - this all in the first few days!

Just say no - and congratulations!

shiteforbrains · 29/01/2016 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolino6 · 29/01/2016 13:29

Congratulations. Just tell them you're busy with your baby.

KC225 · 29/01/2016 13:30

Firstly, congratulations.

Baby a little over a week and they are asking for lifts? Did I read that right. You must be a saint. I cannot believe they are being so inconsiderate.

Tell them you are NO LONGER able to offer lifts etc., for obvious reasons. And do NOT answer the phone. And do not feel guilty.

Adeleslostbeehive · 29/01/2016 13:31

You have to man up a bit when you have a baby and say no to lots of things you might've gone out your way to do before. Dont ruin this time, you won't get it back x

PurpleCrazyHorse · 29/01/2016 13:31

YANBU. Ignore the calls. If DP wants to do the lifts then let hm, but I'd put the phone on silent and leave them to it. After all, you should sleep when the baby sleeps, right? Grin

What will happen if you refuse, you can't be physically forced into driving. Going forward, I would call the shots, so I'd only do lifts on a day and time that suits, maybe when you're out and about anyway so no problem taking them with you, and not evenings. I'd make them fit in with you.

I don't have a car during the day but I get the bus, walk or shop online and pay for delivery. They should be getting a taxi for visiting you with a tiny baby, put your foot down.

OurBlanche · 29/01/2016 13:31

Definitely get your DP to have a word with them. Warn him that he must do this immediately as you shouting "Fuck Off" down the phone at them may be misconstrued as offensive Smile

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/01/2016 13:31

YANBU definitely ignore!

PennyHasNoSurname · 29/01/2016 13:33

Why dont you just say no??? This is madness.

And speak to DP and insist he gets his family to stop.

JonSnowKnowsNowt · 29/01/2016 13:33

YANBU at all, but just ignoring the calls/messages is a bit passive-aggressive. Best thing, surely, would be to say something about it, in a friendly way. 'I've been happy to help you out with lifts in the past, but it doesn't work for me now. Hope you understand.'

Original poster
themumfairy · 29/01/2016 13:36

Thankyou all. He told her last night that I was tired so normally when he does that we don't hear off her for a few days. She rang me yday morning 6times for a lift from her daughters to go back home as it was raining. I ignored it and got dp to ring her back last night. I then have to stay off social media in case she's sees I'm online.
My own fault as if I would just say no then it'd nip it in the bud.
Any ideas on saying no nicely? I'm afraid that with sleep deprivation I'm more than likely to snap and say a few more things I'd rather not.
Tbh if it was a one off I wouldn't mind at all, I really would do anything for anyone but it's got to the point where I resent helping. This has been going on throughout my pregnancy even after long hours at work. The usual message I get is 'are you busy?'
We'll actually I'm not busy but my plans are to sit and do nothing Grin
Think I just needed a sleep deprived rant Wink

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 29/01/2016 13:40

"I think it best for you not to ask me for lifts for a few months as I will likely be trying to catch some sleep when the baby does"

EponasWildDaughter · 29/01/2016 13:41

I ignored it and got dp to ring her back last night.

Good. What did he say? What did she say?

DP needs to be saying ''Sister/Mother please stop pestering mumfairy for favors for a few weeks please. Leave her in peace.''

Not just things like 'oh she was tired yesterday' it's not enough, ... they'll just try again the next day.

Original poster
themumfairy · 29/01/2016 13:41

Haha brains I like that idea. I may need to nip out and get me a bottle. I could definitely do with some. Wink

Thankyou Beehive, that has definitely put it into perspective for me. Your right I won't get this time back. Time for me to man up. No more Mrs nice girl Smile
I do feel sorry for dp being stuck in the middle (he doesn't drive) so I tend not to tell him everytime they ask. He gets annoyed with her, tells her and then she shows off for a few days. We'll until the next time she wants something. Sometimes it's easier to say nothing.

OP posts:
DryIce · 29/01/2016 13:41

'are you busy'

is the perfect opener for you to say 'yes. yes I am busy. Very busy with my one week old baby'

FinallyHere · 29/01/2016 13:42

"So sorry I won't be able to help with lifts for a while, gosh, isn't there a lot to get done with a new baby”

Since a poke in the eye may offend....

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 29/01/2016 13:43

I can't get over the cheek of some people.

DH needs to step up here and say they are not to ask you for lifts. You are busy with looking after the baby and yourself. He needs to get cross and stand up for you if they argue.

They must ask the other family member or get the bus or a taxi.

OurBlanche · 29/01/2016 13:44

Go no, Laurie. That's far too reasonable.They'll be moaning and making all sorts of excuses why she is being unreasonable.

OP, just be rude. Then get DP to shout at them for waking you/the baby/both up. They'll get the hang of it eventually.

Gobbolino6 · 29/01/2016 13:44

I think you need to be polite but firm. Explain that you are too busy to offer lifts.

I can't drive. I was too anxious to learn when I was younger and have just started lessons. Occasionally if my DH is at work we are offered a lift by my father, eg for hospital appointments, but I wouldn't ever ask or assume. If you can't drive, you have to use public or organise your life differently...just how it goes.

cozietoesie · 29/01/2016 13:47

I would - and have - said simply 'No, I can't. Got to go now - Byeeee'. Phone put down.

I may well have been given my character on the other end of the line but who cares? They'll get the message.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 29/01/2016 13:50

Tell them that you've seen the health visitor who said that you looked over tired and must sleep when the baby does. For the next few months at least.

hellsbellsmelons · 29/01/2016 13:52

Can you afford driving lessons for your DH?
I'd be getting him through his test asap.

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