Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not want to keep giving lifts

98 replies

themumfairy · 29/01/2016 13:22

Baby is now a little over a week but some family members seem to have forgotten this. I had about 2 days rest before dp family starting asking for favours. Pick them up and take them home after they've been to see baby. Pop over and drop something off that they'd left at ours when visiting. Oh and take them and their animal to the vets to name a few.
There are only 2 of us in the family that drive and the other person asks for petrol money for these errands so I am always asked first as we don't.
It's dp mum and sister so don't really feel like we can ask for money. Its takes so long to get out the house now in the day and at night i like to settle down and do nothing with my dp and ds1&2. I only hear off mil when she wants something so AIBU to ignore her phone call or message and then put my phone on silent.

OP posts:

Original poster

themumfairy · 29/01/2016 19:01

Both single, so I'm the one they depend on

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/01/2016 19:09

Jeez what a bunch of users, you need a medal for putting up with them for so long! not losing your rag at them Most relatives help the mother of a newborn, not the other way around - this is obviously lost on them! cos they're selfish and thoughtless

I've had similar (I'm a sahm with a baby/DC so I'm obviously always at a loose end ) from relatives - errands here and there that really they can do but just can't be arsed - I just ignored and picked and chose when/who I wanted to help. Funnily enough the help is mainly a one way street - that made me open my eyes that they were taking the piss.

Ignore calls and enjoy your baby

Cloppysow · 29/01/2016 19:18

"Yes" is a totally acceptable answer to "are you busy". You don't need to justify it. Nor do you need to hide on facebook.

I know it's really hard, but be brave, you can do it.

CormoranStrike · 29/01/2016 19:50

They are using you and have no consideration or appreciation .

Cnmorgan13 · 29/01/2016 20:03

This is a major bug bear of mine. I didn't buy my car, pay insurance, Petrol etc to run someone else around. Get the bus or walk, or better yet, get your own fekking car!
Tell them you have 2 words for them, 2nd one is off!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/01/2016 20:03

There are such things as taxis. Just say no or it will eat at you.

amicissimma · 29/01/2016 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nodowntime · 29/01/2016 20:17

I'm also absolutely amazed that anyone would be asking a woman who gave birth a week ago for a lift! Can barely believe it! and you have two other kids!
Just say no you are ALWAYS busy in the next few years. But if it helps you to browse FB and not be nervous about being contacted, you can change the settings and make yourself invisible/unavailable on FB to anyone you don't want to be able to track you online.
And even the posts on your own wall you can make invisible for certain people.

Fedup21 · 29/01/2016 20:18

Who the hell drove them all around before you showed up with your car and married your DH?

I'd tell them all to piss of!

Original poster

themumfairy · 29/01/2016 20:19

How can I change them?

OP posts:

rollonthesummer · 29/01/2016 20:20

You can't change them, you can only change your response to them. Unless you want to be doing this forever...

AlisonWunderland · 29/01/2016 20:22

"sorry I can't, I'm busy with new baby. Might be able to help you in... dunno.... 2018?"

Original poster

themumfairy · 29/01/2016 20:24

They used taxis and occasionally a bus and failing that they actually walked places.

OP posts:

Nodowntime · 29/01/2016 20:31

Themumfairy, do you mean change the settings or your folks?
If the settings, I'll try to go on fb and check, I did it years ago. If you use messenger, you'll need to change chat settings on fb, but changing them there will transfer them for messenger too.
For posts on your wall, you check the little arrow on the right, I think, which opens a drop down menu where you can pick whether the post will be public, visible to friends, close friends, certain friends etc

Nodowntime · 29/01/2016 20:45

I've just looked on the phone, I think I need to go on the laptop or load the desktop version on the phone to be able to change whether I'm visible online.
But for your relatives to not be able to see your posts once and for all, go on settings- little cog symbol- then click privacy - there's lots of interesting stuff there including whether you want your fb name to be allowed to be linked to search engines.
Click Who can see your future posts, and there either go for custom- you can block out some friends individually - or just mark only close friends, and if your in-laws are not marked as close friends (if they are, you can undo it) they shouldn't see your posts.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/01/2016 20:52

That's mad. And that's from someone who is happy to give lifts. But most mothers don't manage to get dressed a week after having a baby. Then when you decide to go out baby poos up to his shoulders and a major operation follows to change him. Then you're too tired to go anywhere. For goodness sake. Even taking a tiny baby on unnecessary journeys is madness. Get into bed as often as you can. This is a very important bonding and resting time. Say NO! They are so cracked to be even asking.

Andylion · 29/01/2016 21:03

mil is always saying how I do too much and need to rest more but that obviously slips her mind when it's something she wants.

She wants to sound considerate so you'll be happy to drive her around.

ijustwannadance · 29/01/2016 21:07

Unplug house phone and pretend mobile is on silent. If questioned just say it's because the constant ringing kept waking up baby.

If it was me I would just text back with "sorry I am busy, here is the number of local taxi firm........"

It's one thing offering a lift home if they are at your house but for her to expect you to pick her up from sil's and take her home just because it's raining is absurd.

Woodhill · 29/01/2016 21:21

Also I think your dp should be telling them to stop bothering you and do something for you for a change

Nodowntime · 29/01/2016 21:34

OP, very easy to make yourself invisible to certain friends on FB, open it on the laptop(not phone), right side column is a list of friends showing who is currently on or how long ago they were on. That's only the people who allowed themselves to be visible.
You need to click on the pale grey cog symbol in the bottom right corner, that's options. From there click on Advanced chat settings and choose Turn off chat for some friends. You still will get messages in the inbox(don't click on them, that's all), but not popping up in chat any more and you will not be displayed in their list of friends online/offline.

WonderingAspie · 29/01/2016 22:03

" Piss off and sort yourself out."

Please say this . They don't care about your feelings so why give a shit about theirs.

I can't believe they are asking favours from someone who had a baby 7 days ago!! Congratulations .

rollonthesummer · 29/01/2016 22:04

Your DH needs to man up and tell his mum and his sister to leave you alone now you've had a baby. Is he not cross they are taking advantage of you?

So what if she decides not to contact you for a few days if you say no, surely that's a good thing?!

Jux · 29/01/2016 22:54

Yes, you are busy resting, someone told you that you should rest more so that's what you're doing. No, no visitors today thanks.

Flip

1 2 3 4