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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect SIL to get the train.

143 replies

cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 09:55

we have all booked to go to the lake district in December. Sis in law doesn't drive and has 2 kids , 10yrdd and baby will be 12 months. This holiday is Friday to Monday..free for SIL as MIL is paying for her lodge. SIL hasn't had holiday in quite a while and really wants to go. Her 10 yr old dd REALLY wants to go as will be with cousins etc.

Now the problem..there is no room in both of the other families cars to take SIL and her kids..her husband is refusing to even entertain the idea of driving her there and dropping her and his kids off..{2 hours one way)...he is invited btw but does not want to come.
Is it really so unreasonable that I suggested she get the train? the horror and amazement this suggestion has been met with by MIL and SIL is something else!
I suggested I take her luggage in my car and maybe MIL goes with her on the train with the 2 kids..i even said I would pick her up from train station the other end.
I had my head bitten off.

I cant see the problem I used to get the train down to London from Manchester all the time with baby and 6 yr old AND luggage, Was it fun? no..but needs must.

So now everyone is in a tiz trying to figure out how to get SIL there..Suggestions from we hire a mini bus to we pay an aunt to drive her...I feel like shouting..JUST get the train!!

OP posts:
DangerMouth · 29/01/2016 09:57

Yanbu.

They'd pay an aunt but her own dh wouldn't drive them? Confused

TriJo · 29/01/2016 09:58

YANBU - if you don't drive, then you have to accept that public transport is a necessity. It's unfair to expect that others will pick the slack up for you because of your own choices.

Also, if it's 11 months to the holiday - that's more than enough time to actually learn herself!

PennyHasNoSurname · 29/01/2016 09:59

Her DH sounds like a prize prick.

Not UR at all to take the train, maybe take the kids in the cars and an adult train it with her. Or take the baby in the car and she and the 10yo can take the train?

Mistigri · 29/01/2016 09:59

It's your SIL's problem to solve, but I don't see any particular issue with her getting the train assuming there is a sensible train service, especially if you take her luggage. She has a preteen to help with the baby, and if she books a few weeks ahead she should get cheap tickets.

PennyHasNoSurname · 29/01/2016 10:00

Yeah she could learn by December!

Morganly · 29/01/2016 10:00

She sounds like she has a shitty husband so perhaps a bit of kindness and generosity is what she needs right now?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/01/2016 10:00

I would just not get involved. Not my circus not my monkey's springs to mind

Oysterbabe · 29/01/2016 10:00

I got the train to Penrith last time I went to that centre parcs and it was fine, quite a nice journey. I like getting the train though.

Arfarfanarf · 29/01/2016 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianButterfield · 29/01/2016 10:02

That's not a very difficult train trip without luggage. In fact, a train journey is preferable to going by car with small children imo as you can entertain them better, they can stretch their legs...it's only the bags that's a problem and if you will take them what's the issue!

Paintedhandprints · 29/01/2016 10:02

Suggest she flies via Berlin because its cheaper?! Grin
Well you made your suggestion and were shot down. I would step back and let them sort it. Try not to get involved in helping out with cost strongly suspect this is where the issue lies.

Cleensheetsandbedding · 29/01/2016 10:03

Stay out of it and don't foot the bill!

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/01/2016 10:03

YANBU. I used to take the train from Glasgow to London once or twice a year with 2 DC who were toddlers.

moopymoodle · 29/01/2016 10:03

Just stay out of it. She's not your responsibility and tbh she sounds entitled. How else does she expect to get there?!

Original poster
cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 10:04

She is worried the baby might cry on the train..Confused I was starting to think I was being ridiculous for suggesting the train after the angry response I got but glad to see I am not.

OP posts:
FarrowandBallAche · 29/01/2016 10:05

Why is it your problem how your sil gets there?

If there's no room in the cars and her H won't take her ( I'm guessing that's another thread ) then just how is she supposed to get there?

What are others suggesting?

FairyBiker · 29/01/2016 10:06

Could you hire a bigger car for the weekend? She should pay for it tho
If you can't all get in a car together at all during the weekend won't it limit what you can do?

MistressMerryWeather · 29/01/2016 10:09

YANBU. You got your head bitten off because you are being sensible rather joining in the drama. This is a dilemma dontchaknow?

Don't get involved.

DesertOrDessert · 29/01/2016 10:09

Is there space for baby and luggage in the cars? Then SIL, 12 yr old, and maybe MIL can get the train?

YANBU. Public transport comes with the territory if you don't drive.

Trills · 29/01/2016 10:10

Would you want to take a train journey with a 10 yr old and a 12 month old and luggage for all 3 of you?

I'm not sure I would.

It's not your problem to sort out though.

If you want to be helpful, could you offer to pick them up from a mainline train station, to minimise the number of times they have to change train? (after dropping off all your family at the lodge).

The last time I got "a train" to the Lake District there were a number of changes at small windy stations with no cafe or pleasant place to wait.

Original poster
cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 10:12

Both families have 7 seaters and most seats are full..the rest of the room will just about squeeze all luggage in..including SILs luggage. She would basically just have pushair with baby in ..10 yr old..and probably MIL to help as well..so not even by herself. Her dh wont drop her at the train station and she wont get a cab {15 min drive} so I suggested I drop them at train station AND pick up the other end.

OP posts:
2016Hopeful · 29/01/2016 10:12

Train sounds sensible but if you need transport when you get there too it won't be an easy week! I can't imagine there is much public transport around in the Lake District.

Anyway, I would leave it to the inlaws to sort out, you have generously offered as much as you can ie take luggage and pick up from station. Don't get involved in paying more money or offering to drive a bigger car.

deepdarkwood · 29/01/2016 10:13

Sounds like a very sensible plan - esp with the MIL going/you take the baggage help, I would agree that given that her dh is clearly a total arse, she might need a bit of supporting - maybe she's feeling a little vulnerable at the mo?

If you're not used to long train journeys, they can be daunting with a lo. I took my two on a 6 hour journey when they were 3 & 5 and the number of people who thought I was totally mad/the amount of help and sympathy I got on the train was slightly weird! It was MUCH easier than the equivalent journey in a car...

ImperialBlether · 29/01/2016 10:13

SIL and two cousins should get the train. The kids will have fun together. SIL can sit in peace and read her book. The baby can go in the car.

maryann1975 · 29/01/2016 10:13

We used to travel long distances by car regularly when ours were little and it was such a faff, the train would have been so much easier especially with no luggage. If baby cries on the train, at least you can feed them, play with them, cuddle them. If baby cries in the car, there is pretty much naff all you can do except listen until you can pull over which Ime tends to just prolong the already horrific travelling experience.

Yanbu to expect her to travel by train, especially if you are taking her bags in the car.

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