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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect SIL to get the train.

143 replies

cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 09:55

we have all booked to go to the lake district in December. Sis in law doesn't drive and has 2 kids , 10yrdd and baby will be 12 months. This holiday is Friday to Monday..free for SIL as MIL is paying for her lodge. SIL hasn't had holiday in quite a while and really wants to go. Her 10 yr old dd REALLY wants to go as will be with cousins etc.

Now the problem..there is no room in both of the other families cars to take SIL and her kids..her husband is refusing to even entertain the idea of driving her there and dropping her and his kids off..{2 hours one way)...he is invited btw but does not want to come.
Is it really so unreasonable that I suggested she get the train? the horror and amazement this suggestion has been met with by MIL and SIL is something else!
I suggested I take her luggage in my car and maybe MIL goes with her on the train with the 2 kids..i even said I would pick her up from train station the other end.
I had my head bitten off.

I cant see the problem I used to get the train down to London from Manchester all the time with baby and 6 yr old AND luggage, Was it fun? no..but needs must.

So now everyone is in a tiz trying to figure out how to get SIL there..Suggestions from we hire a mini bus to we pay an aunt to drive her...I feel like shouting..JUST get the train!!

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/01/2016 10:41

She has a DH problem, clearly.
Not only he doesn't want to go, but he won't even drive her to the station.

Does she not drive at all?

I'd let MIL and her sort it all out and stay well out of the picture.

marjolaine · 29/01/2016 10:42

Of course she can take the train. What a drama llama. I took my baby on the train (2hr journey) not long ago. No problems on the way down but she was overtired and cried a bit on the way back so I went out to the bit where the doors are that connects the carriages so she didn't disturb anyone until she was asleep. At 12 months her baby can be distracted with toys or food... Or she could leave the baby with the twat H as suggested above!

Lweji · 29/01/2016 10:43

Oh, dear, next December?

Tell her to get a driving licence.

SummerHouse · 29/01/2016 10:43

High five squeegy

I will be saying it all day. Especially about my own two (off sick) boys even though I appreciate that is my circus and they are my monkeys.

BoffinMum · 29/01/2016 10:43

I used to head overseas with multiple children on my own, thinking about it - taxis, trains, planes, buses, luggage, the lot.

The only time it went a bit wrong was when I headed to Paris on the Eurostar in an overly carefree fashion with DS2, apparently forgetting in the excitement I have a disability (I hadn't had one when I took his older brother on a similar trip a few years previously, so in Boffin Logic it just didn't feature on my planning radar Hmm). I then had some mobility problems at the other end and got stuck in the basement of the Louvre, unable to walk. It was a real oh fuck moment because I though DH was going to have to leap in a car and literally drive to Paris to rescue me (which he offered to do when I rang him and sobbed down the phone, lovely man).

Anyway, I had a bit of a cry and a rest for an hour on a bench, while DS fiddled about with the computers in the basement, and then eventually shuffled out to the nearest pharmacy, bought some of the finest drugs known to the French after a full and frank conversation with the pharmacist and a bit more crying, had a sit down in the pharmacy while they kicked in, and then got myself sorted. I survived.

A train to the Lake District is, frankly, not a problem.

LaContessaDiPlump · 29/01/2016 10:45

I'd say the train is more convenient for a baby that may still be bf; you don't have to stop travelling and get the baby out of its carseat and sit there resenting all the delay while it's feeding. Much easier on a train!

3littlefrogs · 29/01/2016 10:46

I travelled the length and breadth of the country with a 12 week old, a two year old, a large suitcase and a pushchair. On my own - no help from anybody. No choice in the matter at the time.

They are all being utterly ridiculous OP. SIL's husband sounds a real piece of work.

Guitargirl · 29/01/2016 10:46

That's quite a lot of fuss about what is essentially a weekend away in nearly a year's time Shock

But if the baby will be one then does that mean SIL has a 1-month old at the moment? She may not therefore be thinking straight Grin

I drive but don't have a car. We live in London and don't need one. My DCs are now aged 9 and 7 but I have regularly done 4 hour train trips to visit my parents alone with luggage and both the DCs since my youngest was a newborn and my eldest was 2. The only time it has been a pain is when they have been doing work on the line and you all have to pile off for a replacement bus. But I time my journeys to avoid that.

ProfGrammaticus · 29/01/2016 10:46

No, the problem is her husband. Why is he being such a twat?

GloGirl · 29/01/2016 10:48

Could you swap one of your children with her baby?

That's if I was feeling charitable, at the moment my preferred suggestion is to go and tell thr husband to grow the fuck up.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/01/2016 10:48

Summerhouse I only heard the saying a few years ago. Honestly it's my new mantra keeps me out of all sorts of nonsense I don't need to be involved in!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 29/01/2016 10:50

I have no practical advice BUT I've been in similar situations to your SIL and I'd like to offer the (possible) other side.

Firstly I don't drive as I have epilepsy, so that is not an option at all.

Secondly it's not so much getting the train that's the problem. It's the "smack in the face" horrible reality that you're different to everyone else. That you don't have a loving, caring partner like other people do. And that makes you feel fairly worthless and shit. You can't give your children the same experiences as other mums can and although it's not directly your fault you can't see that and feel like the world's shittest mum. Etc, etc.

It's not the "oh just catch the train" that they have reacted to, it's the grim reality that has caused it.

FWIW, I got out and divorced the bastard so I can see it now, but at the time it's like wading through treacle.

ComposHatComesBack · 29/01/2016 10:51

I can understand the husband not wanting to make two four hour long round trips, but he seems a right petty twat for not dropping her at their nearest station to their home.

Lweji · 29/01/2016 10:51

Also with a 10 year old, she will be pretty much self reliant and be able to help with some luggage.

Sandbrook · 29/01/2016 10:55

Frustrating! My advice though, stay out of it. You have your car and passengers, you are sorted. Leave them to sort themselves.
December you say though?
SIL could well be driving herself by then

SouthWesterlyWinds · 29/01/2016 10:55

Her DH sounds like a knob

pocketsaviour · 29/01/2016 10:59

So she has only just given birth? I wonder if she is feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted by now and just can't imagine feeling like she would ever be strong enough to do it?

It might be in a few months when she's recovered a bit that she'll feel more equal to the trip.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2016 11:03

I doubt by the sound of her husband that he'd be supportive of her driving.
I'm wondering if even finding money for the train might be an issue.

willconcern · 29/01/2016 11:07

Her DH sounds like a nasty person. He won't even drop her at the station, which is a 15 minute drive? Either he's an arse, or she's saying that to make everyone feel they need to give her + kids a lift.

GloGirl · 29/01/2016 11:12

Milktwosugars, that's a nice post. I can understand it much more now.

It's definitely a "look on the bright side" kind if thinking but if you are stuck in the mud I know how hard that can be to do.

ReadyPlayerOne · 29/01/2016 11:12

If I were in your SILs position, I would fret about 2 kids and luggage (but I do have anxiety problems) so the suggestion for the cars to take the luggage would be wonderful and I'd be very grateful.

I do feel sorry for her that her DH doesn't want to come and won't entertain the idea of easing her journey by even driving her to the station.

YANBU OP.

GloGirl · 29/01/2016 11:13

Maybe SIL should threaten to not go till her H promises to take her. My DH would do a 16 hour round trip if it meant a quiet house for a few days Grin

Original poster
cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 11:17

Her dh has told her he is not a taxi.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 29/01/2016 11:20

Another vote for SIL leaving the DC at home for some quality time with daddy and skipping up the to Lakes for a few days to enjoy the great outdoors and getting trollied some rest.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 29/01/2016 11:21

cabbage - that was my exH too. Wouldn't even take his own son to birthday parties because he "was not a taxi". Your SIL is in an emotionally abusive marriage, she really does need help and patience. It's a horrible place to be.