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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect SIL to get the train.

143 replies

cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 09:55

we have all booked to go to the lake district in December. Sis in law doesn't drive and has 2 kids , 10yrdd and baby will be 12 months. This holiday is Friday to Monday..free for SIL as MIL is paying for her lodge. SIL hasn't had holiday in quite a while and really wants to go. Her 10 yr old dd REALLY wants to go as will be with cousins etc.

Now the problem..there is no room in both of the other families cars to take SIL and her kids..her husband is refusing to even entertain the idea of driving her there and dropping her and his kids off..{2 hours one way)...he is invited btw but does not want to come.
Is it really so unreasonable that I suggested she get the train? the horror and amazement this suggestion has been met with by MIL and SIL is something else!
I suggested I take her luggage in my car and maybe MIL goes with her on the train with the 2 kids..i even said I would pick her up from train station the other end.
I had my head bitten off.

I cant see the problem I used to get the train down to London from Manchester all the time with baby and 6 yr old AND luggage, Was it fun? no..but needs must.

So now everyone is in a tiz trying to figure out how to get SIL there..Suggestions from we hire a mini bus to we pay an aunt to drive her...I feel like shouting..JUST get the train!!

OP posts:
Yourarejokingme · 29/01/2016 11:21

Hubby here would throw us all in car and take for a few days peace and he knows I'd get train and have done so in past with 4 kids at various stages of age. They loved it having their own case on wheels to take too.

I'd personally stay out of it you've offered something they refused so be it don't offer again.

LightDrizzle · 29/01/2016 11:21

He certainly is not a taxi. He is a wanker. Poor SIL.

TendonQueen · 29/01/2016 11:22

Tell her if she leaves the bastard now, she's got 11 months in which to find a new partner who'll drive her to the station

Seriously, with a husband like that, she's got far bigger problems than how to travel to the Lakes.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/01/2016 11:23

Her DH should take a running jump, what an arsehole! Angry

She's just had a baby (I'm guessing, if the baby will be a year in December) and her DH is a useless piece of shit. Personally, I'd cut her a little slack and by that I mean I wouldn't talk about the journey or the holiday till July at the earliest. She's getting herself up to high doh because she's got a little baby and it all feels a bit much - by the summer she'll be in a better place hopefully the divorce courts

Jux · 29/01/2016 11:23

Maybe SIL could tell her dh that she'll take dd but the baby's too little so she'll leave the baby with him. It'll be easy on the train with just dd, in fact, quite fun, a good way to start the lovely restful week she's looking forward to.....

If she says lots of things like that, he'll almost certainly decide that her taking the baby too is worth a bit of a drive.

SocksRock · 29/01/2016 11:24

I can drive perfectly well and have my own car, but I still do long journeys with my 3DC by train as it's actually less stressful. The longest we did was York to Llanelli which is 6 hours with a change in Manchester. Lots of snacks, lots of £1 sticker books and colouring, music and headphones - was no problem at all. We booked seats well in advance and it was lovely.

Her husband is an arse though, I can understand not driving 2 hours - but a lift to the station?!?

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 29/01/2016 11:28

Unless there is a medical reason why she can't drive, SIL should learn pronto. This could be the impetus she needs to get on with it.

Her DH sounds horrendous. Which partner won't even drop their spouse at the train station? How uncaring and selfish can you get?

SIL should learn to drive, buy a car and get some independence. Perhaps her DH would then treat her with respect and consideration.

In the meantime OP, stay out of it. It is not your problem. Enabling your SIL to be dependent isn't doing her any favours. She gets the train or drives.

Lweji · 29/01/2016 11:34

I bet the bastard still expects her to do most if not all of this:
make his food
wash his clothes
iron his clothes
buy his food
keep a clean home
care for his children most of the time

Possibly even earn her own salary at the same time.

eloquent · 29/01/2016 11:34

I'm just wondering what will happen when you are all there, how will days out etc work if you all can't fit into whatever vehicles you have?

Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2016 11:35

""Her dh has told her he is not a taxi.""

I would be supporting her and leave the travel arrangements for now. I've always got the train with my children, I found it easier, if I wasn't going in the middle of nowhere. I did/do the Lakes from Liverpool.

I know take my 14 month old GD on the train/coach, it's better than her being in a car seat and she can have a stand up/toddle about.

His wife has given birth less than two months ago and he's treating her like this? She needs everyone to treasurer her that it will get sorted out. Train tickets can only be booked twelve weeks in advance, anyway.

""SIL should learn to drive, buy a car and get some independence.""

So should my DD, but the 'Car fund' fairy keeps neglecting to drop off the £7k needed, that includes childcare for driving lessons and insurance etc.

SparkyTheCat · 29/01/2016 11:37

YANBU.

As a non driver myself, I'm always grateful for lifts when they're offered but would never expect/presume. My choice to not drive = my problem.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 29/01/2016 11:37

Chopsticks - although in my case I can't drive for medical reasons, it's possible that even if the SIL could learn to drive the H is preventing it as that gives him something else to control. Yes I'm guessing, but having been there I know it's highly likely.

Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2016 11:38

Tbh, as a Nan and MIL, I'd offer to take the baby on the train and let her have a good start to the holiday.

I can see why the MIL is involved with organising this, especially if her DH is not what he should be, to her or his children.

amicissimma · 29/01/2016 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 29/01/2016 11:39

I think given the obvious total knob husband situation I would book her the necessary taxi(s) and train tickets and tell her it will be fine, you will all look after her at the other end and manage the luggage.

Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2016 11:39

Now, not know.

Reassure, not treasure, that was my crappy spelling and autocorrect.

Original poster
cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 11:40

Iam worried about SIL to be honest..But its a sensitive subject to bring up.
Maybe I should offer for my kids to get train. I think I will leave things for now..who knows what could happen in 11 months time.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2016 11:44

""I'm not sure I get the DH hate, either.""

Because this benefits his wife, with a new baby and his DD, it also gives him a break, seeing that he couldn't be bothered going.

It's a two hour drive, he could have taken her Friday evening, even, when the baby is getting sleepy and cuddley.

It's December, there will be snow, I was in the lakes in November last year and there was snow/ice and it was freezing.

I think it's easier on the train, another adult goes with her and the ten year old goes in the car.

JessieMcJessie · 29/01/2016 11:50

Lakes District in December? She's too precious to get a train but would enjoy a long weekend in a lodge in the sticks in the freezing cold with a 1 year old? Really?

Sorry OP but your family's idea of a holiday (especially for a woman who hasn't had one in a while, still has to wait almost a year to have one, has an arse of a DH and gave birth less than 2 months ago) is pretty rubbish Smile.

Purplepicnic · 29/01/2016 11:51

Could you and your kids take the train and your DH drive her and her kids? Or the other way round? Or you and MIL take the three older kids on the train? You just need to work out the combinations.

Is she your DH's sister? Perhaps a couple of hours in the car with you or him alone will make her open up about her shitty marriage and be what she needs.

Lweji · 29/01/2016 11:52

who knows what could happen in 11 months time.

Exactly.

How she gets there is something to think a few months in advance. It's not the South Pole.

ouryve · 29/01/2016 11:55

She's holding out to be driven there by one of you, isn't she?

What's the issue with her husband? He sounds like a bit of a controlling twatwaffle. He won't even drop them off at the station?

Maybe the real isue is that he doesn't want her to go, either. I wonder if he's forbidden them from taking the train.

I have family who can ill afford to run a car who refuse point blank to use public transport. Some people are just so weird about it.

ComposHatComesBack · 29/01/2016 11:57

It's a two hour drive, he could have taken her Friday evening, even, when the baby is getting sleepy and cuddley.

He sounds like a prize bellsniff (unless the 'I can't get to the station' is an excuse from the sil like 'the baby might cry' for avoiding the train) but it is a four hour journey. Two hours there, two back. To be repeated on Monday (when he could be at work) I wouldn't be sticking up my hand for that journey, especially when there's a direct train. I'm also sure it won't be cold and icy inside the train.

Lweji · 29/01/2016 12:00

I wouldn't want to make a 4 hour round trip either, but why won't he go for the weekend? It's just a couple of days.
Or take her to the train station?

bramble16 · 29/01/2016 12:02

If her baby is 1 month now, she may not be in the best place. I was a complete mess for the first four months and thought everything was so hard. Her DH doesn't sound the be particularly supportive so she may be doing everything for baby and 10 year old. Holiday in 11 months doesn't need to be worried about now, come back to it in six months and see what she thinks.

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