To expect SIL to get the train.

[cabbage78]

we have all booked to go to the lake district in December. Sis in law doesn't drive and has 2 kids , 10yrdd and baby will be 12 months. This holiday is Friday to Monday..free for SIL as MIL is paying for her lodge. SIL hasn't had holiday in quite a while and really wants to go. Her 10 yr old dd REALLY wants to go as will be with cousins etc.

Now the problem..there is no room in both of the other families cars to take SIL and her kids..her husband is refusing to even entertain the idea of driving her there and dropping her and his kids off..{2 hours one way)...he is invited btw but does not want to come.
Is it really so unreasonable that I suggested she get the train? the horror and amazement this suggestion has been met with by MIL and SIL is something else!
I suggested I take her luggage in my car and maybe MIL goes with her on the train with the 2 kids..i even said I would pick her up from train station the other end.
I had my head bitten off.

I cant see the problem I used to get the train down to London from Manchester all the time with baby and 6 yr old AND luggage, Was it fun? no..but needs must.

So now everyone is in a tiz trying to figure out how to get SIL there..Suggestions from we hire a mini bus to we pay an aunt to drive her...I feel like shouting..JUST get the train!!

I have read this thread with astonishment. Is it not usually the case that people who can't drive use train/bus? DH and I both drive but much prefer to go by train if we can.

Have to ask, have they ever discussed how SIL and children were going to get there anyway?
Op already stated no room in cars already travelling so how was it all going to work out?

I used to take a baby on the train from Edinburgh to London quite often to see a friend. It was fine, people are usually lovely to women travelling alone with children. your SIL sounds a bit hopeless, a journey like that may empower her and make her feel more capable (of leaving her twatty husband).

I raised my DS as a single mum and took the train all over (in the UK and abroad) with just me carrying luggage. We've had loads of holidays, being on my own or having a low income never stopped me. I can't drive but I've never expected others to put themselves out because of it. I find it much nicer anyway, you get to read and gaze out of the window without having to look at the road or navigating.

And I was a single mum because I refused to put up with a useless ex, it is so much more empowering to be independent and take responsibility for yourself and your dc than having to beg for transport favours from a useless dp or family ime.

Exactly hortonhoo. Good for you

I think it's absolutely fine to expect her to take the train, especially if you can take her luggage in the car.
What are you going to do about travelling around when you are all there though? The lake district is very spread out so how are you going to go to places if you don't all fit in a car? Depending on where you are staying you might find you are a bit cut off.

Nanasueathome - reading the OP's messages, I thought when they booked it, it was assumed BIL would come too, and drive his family, now he doesn't want to come, and that's caused the problem.

It doesn't matter how many people on here could easily tackle all of the British or even European rail network with 3 pre-schoolers, a dog and multiple pieces of luggage, what matters is the SIL doesn't feel she can. If she's got a bullying DH and a mother who also seems to find the idea of using public transport stressful, then however straightforward it would be to anyone else, doesn't change the fact she'll find it terrifying.

Bigger issue, is she is very isolated if she can't drive and has been convinced she can't use public transport.

OP, say nothing, let SIL work out for herself if she feels she can do the train journey or if she wants to start learning to drive (this might be the 'push' she needs), or even if she wants help to leave her DH. Stop trying to 'fix' this, it's highlighting a serious problem your SIL, but it's your SIL who has to find a solution.

He certainly is not a taxi. He is a wanker. That made me spit out my tea LightDrizzle. Hit the nail on the head.

You say you're a bit worried about SIL anyway OP. Maybe MIL and SIL are faffing on about this to try to get BIL to come to his senses? Or maybe MIL is taking the long way round to get SIL to see the real problem (as succinctly diagnosed by LightDrizzle above).

My ds is 12 months at the mo and from being about 3 months old to present is a pain in the bum on long car journeys (unless he's asleep) as were his older sisters, he screams his head off end up having to sit him on my knee ( not when I'm driving!) but that's naughty and dangerous, so I think going on a train is a good idea at that age, esp if you can take all the luggage. She can walk about wit the baby if he crys etc.
However also consider what pp has said about will it restrict you when u get there not being able to fit then in a car? If so maybe a seven seater would be good plan? Let mil pay for it!!

Its center parcs so no driving or leaving the compound! once there LOL

You've offered all you need too OP. Let it go and let them sit on it a while. Once they're over the 'outrage' I'm sure they'll calm down and see sense.

You've been more than accommodating and generous of offering to do station drop offs. Let Mil and Sil figure out how they want to play it.

When you have a one-month old you may well be a bit irrational about the idea of a 2-hour train journey. I suspect by the time she has a 12 month-old it will seem much more doable. Just nod and smile for now and say it'll get sorted nearer the time. And keep an eye on your SIL and her horrible husband.

I went to Center Parcs on the train OP - I assume to the same station your SIL will (Penrith). Just to warn you they don't have lifts there - I use a wheelchair and they had a set way they could get me across the tracks with staff help and it was super easy and safe. If you SIL has a buggy she may moan like hell about that want to be aware of that

OK Cabbage I'll concede not such a rubbish holiday choice (IMHO) now you've explained it's Centerparcs and not a random cabin up a country road somewhere.

What does your brother think about his sister's DH's behaviour?

And does SIL's DH have any plans to take the family anywhere nice in the summer, given what you say about lack of holidays.

Much better that all of you take the train. The Lake District is ruined by tourists in cars.

I wasn't a train lover until DD decided to move to the other end of the country. I can walk or get a cab to the station and catch a train to her city in around 3 hours, driving is a minimum of 4 hours. On the train I can read, work, surf the internet (free in 1st class) and relax. In my car I just get annoyed at the a*eh*es who can't drive.

If I was taking my 2 young nephews (under 5), we would go by train with luggage, true they are used to trains as we live in London commuter land but it would be so much easier.

Agree that SIL DH is a wan**r of the highest degree and that there must be an underlying issue.

Yes I have read the thread thanks! I didn't say none drivers are scroungers. What a stupid thing to say. I said this particular none driver us acting entitled. Why should the OP go by train and let SIL in her car in her place? If people don't like public transport then learn to bloody drive. Simple as.

Taking the train would be the obvious choice for most people. Let her sort it out if she doesn't want to use it.