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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect SIL to get the train.

143 replies

cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 09:55

we have all booked to go to the lake district in December. Sis in law doesn't drive and has 2 kids , 10yrdd and baby will be 12 months. This holiday is Friday to Monday..free for SIL as MIL is paying for her lodge. SIL hasn't had holiday in quite a while and really wants to go. Her 10 yr old dd REALLY wants to go as will be with cousins etc.

Now the problem..there is no room in both of the other families cars to take SIL and her kids..her husband is refusing to even entertain the idea of driving her there and dropping her and his kids off..{2 hours one way)...he is invited btw but does not want to come.
Is it really so unreasonable that I suggested she get the train? the horror and amazement this suggestion has been met with by MIL and SIL is something else!
I suggested I take her luggage in my car and maybe MIL goes with her on the train with the 2 kids..i even said I would pick her up from train station the other end.
I had my head bitten off.

I cant see the problem I used to get the train down to London from Manchester all the time with baby and 6 yr old AND luggage, Was it fun? no..but needs must.

So now everyone is in a tiz trying to figure out how to get SIL there..Suggestions from we hire a mini bus to we pay an aunt to drive her...I feel like shouting..JUST get the train!!

OP posts:
HanYOLO · 29/01/2016 10:14

Not sure why you got your head bitten off (stressed about meanie DH possibly)

But they have got nearly 12 months to work it out.

So, I would leave them to it.

I've taken 3 smallish kids to 4 day camping festivals on the train, on my own, so she is being a bit of a wimp, really.

Babies crying is about the least antisocial things that happen on trains, what with loud talking vacuously into mobile phones, manspreading and eating of stinky food so she should just book a seat and get on with it.

Original poster
cabbage78 · 29/01/2016 10:14

Its one train no changes and takes 2 hours

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 29/01/2016 10:16

Leave baby with the husband who doesnt want to go and SIL and 10 year old can catch the train with someone picking them up from a mainline station.

Meanwhile, back in the real world obviously anyone who would stop their wife and child having a rare weekend away because they couldn't be bothered isn't going to actually look after their own child.

I feel sorry for your SIl tbh, I wouldn;t want to catch the train that far with a baby either for a weekend.

ifonly4 · 29/01/2016 10:17

I don't understand why she can't get the train, especially as she hasn't got to worry about luggage. She's worried the baby might cry on the train, well it might cry in the car and distract the driver!!

We both drive, but only have one car - it's much easier for DH to use car for work, but if I really need to get somewhere we work it out - ie, I have the car, he gives me a lift (as often it's not just for me it's for his kids) or use public transport. It's great if someone else gives me a lift, but I always work on the assumption I'll have to make my own way.

I think I'd try and keep out of it. Your car will be full and it'll be inconvenient and tiring if one of you has to go back and pick her up. Offering to take luggage and pick her up from the station is a great help. If that's not enough let MIL sort it out as she's paying for SIL.

itsmeagain1 · 29/01/2016 10:18

Why on earth is there all this drama about something that is 11 months away?? Just back out of the conversation. I do think her partner should drive her though, or she should learn to drive (I have no patience for adults who can't drive and then won't take public transport, sorry!).

hoodiemum · 29/01/2016 10:19

People are funny about trains, aren't they? I've done long journeys with young kids. Needs careful planning, but if you can have bags taken by someone else, it's extremely doable. It's all part of the holiday adventure.
Now my kids are older, they take the train a lot. But never to MIL - she's horrified at the thought, and would prefer to drive a 2-hour round trip to pick them up rather than let them sit for 45 mins on a train. In my experience, there's no changing people's attitudes above a certain age, so best to take a deep breath and leave them to make whatever crazy plans they want!

LaContessaDiPlump · 29/01/2016 10:21

Maybe the DH also told her to get the train and that's why your unwitting repetition of the same solution made them both so angry. It's about the DH being a twat, not about your suggestion (which is entirely sensible).

fuzzpig · 29/01/2016 10:21

We don't have a car at all, so anywhere we go on holiday is by train. It's a bit of a pain with a baby and all that paraphernalia (OMG did I actually spell that right?!) like buggy and stuff but TBH a 10yo is presumably capable of helping out, pushing the buggy while SIL takes luggage or vice versa.

Her DH sounds like a dick though

MigGril · 29/01/2016 10:22

What her DH won't even so he at the train station. I think maybe she has a husband problem. And best not get involved.

I'd happily go on the train did 4 hours train trip last year to my dads, with an 8 year old and 4 year old. That included two changes as well, I can drive but not all well enough to drive that far on my own. Changing trains is the nightmare bit if its straight through its not a problem.

DadDadDad · 29/01/2016 10:23

Out of interest, for comparison, if they were going abroad for a holiday, would they contemplate going on a plane? Because in my view a plane journey with young children is much more hassle and uncomfortable than being on a train (provided you avoid lots of changes).

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/01/2016 10:23

Fairy Biker's point is a good one. I'd say it's her responsibility to arrange and pay though.

fuzzpig · 29/01/2016 10:24

I have no patience for adults who can't drive and then won't take public transport, sorry!

I agree. Public transport is there for a reason, and I don't understand why people wouldn't use it.

I'll accept a lift gratefully if offered, but I'd never expect one. Ever. It's nobody else's responsibility to get me to places FFS!

We really enjoy long train journeys as a family anyway. Take some card games, pen and paper, a few snacks, it's fun :o

DadDadDad · 29/01/2016 10:27

Just seen that it's only two hours with no changes travelling into the Lake District! I bet the 10 year-old would really enjoy a journey like that and it would probably be fun for a 1 year-old (at least for a while).

BumpTheElephant · 29/01/2016 10:29

YANBU. I don't drive it and it wouldn't even occur to me not to get the train in that scenario. Her DH sounds like a bit of an arse.
It's up to sil to get herself there! Seems like they're making a big deal out of nothing and it would annoy me too op.
Some people do have anxiety about public transport, especially if they aren't used to it. My mother drives hundreds of miles regularly but once phoned me in a panic from a train station. She was terrified of getting on the wrong train and I had to talk her through it!
Paying an aunt to take her is so ridiculous that I'm going to assume sil must have some anxiety issues otherwise she'd just get the train.

Veritat · 29/01/2016 10:32

How about suggesting she travels first class? If she books well in advance it may be quite cheap. And IIRC first class on the West coast line is quite naice, you get snacks and even free gin thrown in Smile

MeridianB · 29/01/2016 10:32

So it's a free holiday and all she has to do is get onto a direct train with no luggage, plug her 10-year old in to a book or gadget and look after her 1-year-old for 2 hours?

Where is the problem?

You say her DH won't drive her to that station and she won't get a cab? What is she expecting you to do about that?

She, her DH and your MIL sound crackers. As others have said, I would leave them to sort it all out.

YADNBU!

Trills · 29/01/2016 10:33

Her DH won't drop her at the train station?
I can see why he doesn't want to drive them 2 hours each way, but not drop them at the station?

BoffinMum · 29/01/2016 10:34

TBH Trills I have quite regularly piled my tribe onto a train. I would not find this a particular issue as long as I didn't have change loads of times or stand up for hours, both of which can be mitigated by good forward planning. Having a 10 YO is an absolute blessing as you can perfectly well sit together near the buffet/toilets and then the 10YO can do the snack run and help watch/hold the baby while you quickly go into the toilets if necessary. I would probably find this less stressful than a car trip.

BumpTheElephant · 29/01/2016 10:35

Just reread your op and realised the holiday is in 11 months! There's no need to discuss travel arrangements now is there?
Am I correct in thinking sil only gave birth a month ago? She may well feel much more up to it in 11 months or her DH could change his mind and drive them or come on the holiday. Bit early to be talking about paying an aunt!

blessedwithtwo · 29/01/2016 10:37

YANBU. I don't see the problem - the baby and the 10 year old would most likely enjoy the train ride. Snacks and juice, get a window seat, luggage with you.

Sounds like a good idea, I really cannot see how they can find a fault with it.

ComposHatComesBack · 29/01/2016 10:38

You made a sensible suggestion. They rejected it, now let them find some cockeyed scheme of their own, but make it clear that you won't be paying any more than petrol for your own car. You shouldn't be out of pocket because two adults and a ten year old can't cope with a baby and hand luggage on a train.

Trills · 29/01/2016 10:40

BoffinMum with the revised description of the trip (2 hrs, no changes, luggage taken care of) I think I could probably do it myself! :o

SqueegyBeckinheim · 29/01/2016 10:40

SIL is being fairly pathetic refusing to go on the train, her DH is an arse for refusing to even drive them to the station, and your MIL is enabling g the situation by reacting in horror by the train suggestion, but the whole thing really isn't your problem. Just let them run around like headless chickens or waste money hiring a mini bus if they want. As someone unthread said, this really is a case of not my circus not my monkeys.

SummerHouse · 29/01/2016 10:40

not my circus, not my monkeys

!!!! Why have I not heard this brilliant and appropriate saying. Love it.

That said..... JUST GET THE TRAIN! I drive, have a car, often get trains or buses just for kicks. Especially if I didn't even have the luggage issue.

FinallyHere · 29/01/2016 10:41

Its very kind of you to offer to drop her at the station and also to collect at the other end.

Im guessing though, that it may take longer in the car , so it might be better for one car to drop off and the other do the pick up at the other end.

Otherwise, ai'd agree with everyone saying keep put of it . And indeed, she may be feeling very different so many months down the line.

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