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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say, let the house clearence take it!

197 replies

dentydown · 28/01/2016 13:05

My distant cousin died (my nan knew her well, she was her first cousin and didn't want to abandon her in death) last September, and left a house. Now she died intestate, so there was a lot of sorting to do, searching the house for a will/photos/legal papers etc.
I've been a bit pre-occupied recovering photos, personal letters and little bits of sentimenal odds and sods for th family to remember her by. We managed to recover a lot of paperwork and hand everything over to a probate company, who are wonderful!
My partner seems to have developed magpie-itis. S was a bit of a hoarder, the property is in a bit of a state and she liked to buy white goods. He has taken a few small white goods with him every visit! (I pay him 70 pounds to get me there and back)
I've taken stuff to clean up and pass to the charity shop (mainly because I don't want to see nice china/nick-nacks chucked)
Now he's talking about the washing machine (still in it's packaging), dishwasher , cookers. And brass ornaments for scrap! I just feel like telling him enough! Let the house clearing take it (they said any photos/personal papers they'll leave to one side).
He's saying i'm being unreasonable because I took ornaments for charity/family mementos. He's making use of the stuff. I even got comments as I was washing up the china (lovely vintage stuff) for the charity shop. "All that work for someone else's enjoyment" urgh!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 28/01/2016 16:37

But why £70? The petrol will come nowhere near that. He's fleecing you (and your relative).

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 16:37

A loving partner wouldn't charge you anything... If it's the cost of petrol for a 100 mile round trip it's only £15 anyway? I think you're being taken advantage of.

LineyReborn · 28/01/2016 16:38

Who is the administrator?

Palomb · 28/01/2016 16:39

I would Imagine me meant 'no value' as in bags of used incontinence pads and stacks of the daily star from 1974.

There is no such thing as a 'no value' brand spanking new washing machine. Not matter what your thieving cunt of a partner might say.

dodobookends · 28/01/2016 16:40

OP you need to stop what you are doing, and listen to all the good advice people are giving on here.

I too have had to deal with the aftermath of a distant relative dying intestate.

Firstly, all the deceased's bills and debts, funeral bills, clearance costs, estate agents' fees etc should not be paid by you or anyone else. They should be paid out of the proceeds of the estate. Otherwise the estate might be over-valued and overcharged any inheritance tax due.

Secondly why are you not allowed to contact any other possible relatives? Is this a condition imposed by the genealogy company tracing them? You do know that they charge a hefty commission to beneficiaries don't you? And if potential relatives don't sign their contract they won't be told that there might be something to inherit.

Finally, please please appoint a solicitor to deal with all of this and act as executor. As others have said, this is not the same thing as a probate company organising it. And get everything in writing (especially the permission for you to dispose of property).

Everyone on here is trying to help. Please listen to us - and stop letting your partner take things that don't belong to him (or you).

MeadowHay · 28/01/2016 16:42

denty, you seem to be in the shit. I feel awful for you. But the fact of the matter is you could potentially be doing illegal things at the moment and that could needs addressing. There is no doubt that you are trying to do a good deed for your nan, that you are having trouble because it's a bloody huge task, nevermind the fact that you are also a carer for your dad, that you have sons to look after, that you have asperger's, that your "partner" is a sleazy leech of the worst kind, and that you don't have a big support network. The problem is that none of these things are going to save you if you end up in legal trouble, and then think of the implications it could have on the rest of your life, and on your little boys, and your dad who you care for. This is not your problem to solve, no matter how much you want to help your nan. If you need help you need to take it. If your nan can't cope with organising all of this, she needs to pay a solicitor for advice and the money can come out of the estate. You can organise this with her if she is happy to do it. But you are not in a position to be doing all of this yourself right now, please think about this.

bessiebumptious2 · 28/01/2016 16:42

Oh dear, op it sounds as though you're trying to deal with something fairly complex by yourself. It may well be perfectly legitimate that you can get rid of the house contents as you see fit, given the background you've just given. However, that aside, there are some things that need to happen here.

The first thing you need to do is stop your partner going and taking things from the property.

The second thing is your partner categorically should not be charging you anything at all for taking you there and back.

The third thing is you really need to end any 'relationship' you have with your partner. He is not good for you and he is treating you very, very badly.

I would also be calling the 'management company' to check that the goods your partner has taken is above board. If not, he will have to either take them back or pay for them. Please check that this is the case - in writing.

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 16:51

So this is the situation that Topseyt described - no will and no obvious relatives to start with? Your nan was then traced by some kind of company who are dealing with the estate?

So why are you clearing the house? Shouldn't they be doing it?

PrimeDirective · 28/01/2016 16:54

Your 'D'P is a scumbag. He is treating you incredibly badly and he is financially profiting out of the help he is giving you.
The £70 is an absolute rip off and he has stolen several things that obviously do have value (otherwise he wouldn't have taken them would he!)

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 16:56

You mention:

  1. Management company.
  2. Genealogical company.
  3. Clearance company.

But who is actually administering the estate?

LineyReborn · 28/01/2016 16:59

I've asked three times, fireside, 'who is the administrator'. No reply.

I don't think there is one; and this is all being done unlawfully and the person who is being ripped off is the nearest relative.

Or it's all a load of bollocks.

notapizzaeater · 28/01/2016 16:59

£70 he's using you and stealing from the estate. I bet you capsule ask anyone if they will take you fir £70 and they would snatch your hand off.

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 17:00

I just can't see why a company who is making money from a deceased estate would hand over all this responsibility to a distant relative. Why would they trust you?

Topseyt · 28/01/2016 17:07

Fireside, I believe you are correct. It sounds more like it. I was thinking of the scenario with no will and no obviously next of kin.

Something about the OP tells me though that she is unlikely to have made any official application to administer the estate. They are just helping themselves to it.

LineyReborn · 28/01/2016 17:10

But I'm left thinking, why on earth would the OP start this thread??

iknowimcoming · 28/01/2016 17:11

For the first time in my mumsnet history I'm going to (partly) go against the grain of every other reply to the op - gulp!

Firstly your 'd'p is clearly a twatbag and needs ditching ASAP, £70 lifts, OW, helping himself to stuff etc but that's clearly another thread.

Re your nan's cousin and her house and belongings. Clearly aside from your nan the other relatives are so distant as to have not noticed her death and therefore any financial inheritance after the house is sold will be a nice surprise (?) for them. In this case it is perfectly normal for the house to be cleared and prepared for sale and the funds to be distributed later on when any further relations are located. In your case your nan is classed as the administrator and you are acting on her behalf so there's nothing wrong in that. If there is, as you say and it doesn't surprise me, nothing of financial value in the house then unfortunately it is the norm to have to pay for a house clearance, those funds will be deducted from the estate. By the same token you have every right to get yourself a taxi or whatever there and back if you really need to and claim back the costs from the estate (this will probably be cheaper than paying your dp). Once the house is sold and the relatives are tracked down the money, less costs, will be distributed and that's that. I would keep records/notes of what you have done, costs visits etc. just in case. You have clearly done what you can to retrieve anything sentimental (ashes etc) and any inheriting relatives are likely to be very grateful for your hard work and for any money they receive. It's a bit 'TV drama' to think that someone will steam in (despite not noticing she had died) and demand to know what happened to her toaster IMHO. In reality no one will care, when my dad died I was shocked at how it was left to me to decide who got what. The government/legal system aren't interested. If someone felt aggrieved or that there was some injustice it would be at their cost and effort to prove it and make a claim.

I think you have been kind in helping your nan with this OP, and I can see that people on here are trying to cover your back with their advice, but there have been some unnecessarily harsh comments. I still think you should kick that partner of yours into touch though!

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 17:12

She underestimated the general knowledge of the average mumsnetter of course.

Sallyingforth · 28/01/2016 17:12

fireside
I can answer that. They are taking a fat fee and are only too pleased to let the OP do the work and take the responsibility for the mistakes. It seems to be working very well :(

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 17:13

That last post was to Liney.

JohnLuther · 28/01/2016 17:15

Fucking hell.

Backs out of thread slowly.

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 17:16

I'm not sure about that Sally. If the company, whoever the hell they are, have the contract to administer the estate and they let the op waltz in and take whatever she likes, they leave themselves open to all sorts of consequences. You don't mess with deceased estates.

CalliopeTorres · 28/01/2016 17:20

I've just paid house clearance people to clear my 2 bed terrace plus garden after it had pretty much been used as a crack den. Cost me £500. You're being robbed. And not just by your boyfriend.

ClarenceTheLion · 28/01/2016 17:21

You need to get there and back between school runs. It still doesn't mean your so-called 'partner' should be scalping you £70 a time for the privilege. Especially when he's financially benefiting as well. (Are they his children too?!)

When they say, get rid of things with no value - a new washing machine still in its wrapping is not of no value!

If he takes you there again, please don't pay him. Hes been paid in what he already stole. And also, he's a cunt. Better to be alone, than be taken advantage of by a knobhead.

Sallyingforth · 28/01/2016 17:21

I'm not suggesting they let her take anything, only that she has been left to look for a will and visit to look after the property. Of course they would not be a party to the thefts.

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 17:22

In your case your nan is classed as the administrator and you are acting on her behalf so there's nothing wrong in that

What makes you think that iknow? The op hasn't said that, unless I've missed it and you have to go through a legal process to administer an estate. Forms have to be filled in for a start. It's not as simple as being next of kin and in any case there may be closer relatives than the op's nan.