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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say, let the house clearence take it!

197 replies

dentydown · 28/01/2016 13:05

My distant cousin died (my nan knew her well, she was her first cousin and didn't want to abandon her in death) last September, and left a house. Now she died intestate, so there was a lot of sorting to do, searching the house for a will/photos/legal papers etc.
I've been a bit pre-occupied recovering photos, personal letters and little bits of sentimenal odds and sods for th family to remember her by. We managed to recover a lot of paperwork and hand everything over to a probate company, who are wonderful!
My partner seems to have developed magpie-itis. S was a bit of a hoarder, the property is in a bit of a state and she liked to buy white goods. He has taken a few small white goods with him every visit! (I pay him 70 pounds to get me there and back)
I've taken stuff to clean up and pass to the charity shop (mainly because I don't want to see nice china/nick-nacks chucked)
Now he's talking about the washing machine (still in it's packaging), dishwasher , cookers. And brass ornaments for scrap! I just feel like telling him enough! Let the house clearing take it (they said any photos/personal papers they'll leave to one side).
He's saying i'm being unreasonable because I took ornaments for charity/family mementos. He's making use of the stuff. I even got comments as I was washing up the china (lovely vintage stuff) for the charity shop. "All that work for someone else's enjoyment" urgh!

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 28/01/2016 13:55

Stop paying him £70 to go and steal from there? You've dealt with the sentimental stuff. Just stop paying him £70 to go and nick stuff.

Floggingmolly · 28/01/2016 13:56

If she died intestate in September; her estate is highly unlikely to have gone through probate so quickly Hmm. And why has it been left to you to trace any other inheritors?? After selling off half the assets...
You are going to end up with a mighty bill if you don't keep your mitts of this stuff, op.

ImperialBlether · 28/01/2016 13:56

Both of you are breaking the law! If she died intestate then her property - ALL OF IT - goes to her next of kin. It's not up to you and your partner to take things, either to give away to a charity shop or to washing your bleeding clothes in.

Woodenmouse · 28/01/2016 13:57

Why is he charging you to take you to the house?

bessiebumptious2 · 28/01/2016 13:57

Ugh. This is horrible behaviour on his part and you're the one in a position to stop it.

ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 13:58

Ok, so you are BOTH stealing from a dead woman that you didn't even know?
I really hope you both get into a lot of trouble. I bet you won't though, your type never does.

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 13:58

Living apart because I am the main carer for my disabled dad.

OP posts:
RidersOnTheStorm · 28/01/2016 14:00

What a horrible man. Charges you and nicks stuff? That's not a partner, that's a user.

shoeaddict83 · 28/01/2016 14:03

Ive just seen your other thread - you said you were leaving him at the start of January as he has been seeing someone else and treats you really bad, but you now letting him steal your own family possessions??!!!!

Something does not sound right here!!

OohMavis · 28/01/2016 14:06

It's a good thing you don't live together, he sounds like he could be a magnificent cocklodger.

OohMavis · 28/01/2016 14:06

Oh, and stop letting your 'partner' steal your dead relative's property. FFS.

hefzi · 28/01/2016 14:10

Sorry, but you and he have the potential to get into a lot of trouble here: it's one thing to remove personal papers/photos etc, but the point of the house clearance people is not only to clear the house, but also to get the income from the contents to add to the estate. Nothing can be taken, given away or sold - it's the house clearer's job to do that: and to value items - it's not for you (or him) to say that the china has no value.

He is clearly taking items to sell (talking about brass scrap value etc) and the point is not whether or not the white goods can be used etc - he's clearly planning on selling them: why would the house clearers not do the same? And if you barely knew this person, why does her porcelain have any "sentimental value" to you?

Are you also charging the £70 trips to the estate as well?

I strongly suggest your partner returns all the items he has stolen to the house asap (preferably without charging you/the estate another £70 for the privilege) because at the moment, you are both committing theft of assets - which can result in a prison sentence.

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:14

I was told I could take ornaments down the charity shop. They have no value.
Everything is contaminated with mouse/rat droppings and is unsuitable for resale.

I am removing photos/letters to keep them safe because it's the end of the line of that branch of the family. It's all going to get binned, documents/sentimental photos etc.

I removed ashes (4 people) as well because I didn't want them to be chucked away with the rubbish either.

I have no interest in white goods. I want the clearence people to take the lot.

No, I didn't know her, but my nan did. She grew up with her. I'm trying to handle it for her. (using management companies) Probably not doing a great job, but at least the house won't stand empty for years.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 28/01/2016 14:16

HOW FAR IS HE DRIVING YOU??

Do you think your darling partner is stealing the white goods to set up home with his OW?

OohMavis · 28/01/2016 14:18

I'm sure you're doing a fine job of it, but the 'magpie' is not helping. What he's doing is wrong. Stand up to him.

I don't really understand the need to pay the father of your children, whom you're in a long term relationship with, to take you anywhere. Does he charge you for everything else? Does he pay towards your children?

AnUtterIdiot · 28/01/2016 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BartholinsSister · 28/01/2016 14:20

You and your Nan have the same cousin?

shoeaddict83 · 28/01/2016 14:20

alice that was kinda my thoughts too....Confused

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:21

I'm not charging the estate 70 pounds a go to get down there. The clearance company are charging the estate 4000-5000 to clear the property.
I think my expenses are about 100-200 pounds which are for certificates, keeping electric topped up, mouse baits and odds and sods to secure the property.

OP posts:
ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 14:22

It's OP's grandmother's cousin

Shakey15000 · 28/01/2016 14:22

You may not have any interest in the white goods but do you understand that, no matter what condition they are in, they are NOT for him, or you, to take/dispose of etc?

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:23

He's driving me about 50 miles.

OP posts:
bessiebumptious2 · 28/01/2016 14:24

The clearance company are charging the estate 4000-5000 to clear the property.

Bloody hell I'm in the wrong job!! It can't take more than 2 days at most to clear then presumably they sell what they can (and also get to keep the proceeds). Just.... blimey.

shutupandshop · 28/01/2016 14:24

You lost me at the paying your P, £70 to take you?Hmm

bessiebumptious2 · 28/01/2016 14:25

50 miles? For £70? Oh my good god. You do realise that the price of fuel has dropped significantly recently? A taxi could work out cheaper.