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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say, let the house clearence take it!

197 replies

dentydown · 28/01/2016 13:05

My distant cousin died (my nan knew her well, she was her first cousin and didn't want to abandon her in death) last September, and left a house. Now she died intestate, so there was a lot of sorting to do, searching the house for a will/photos/legal papers etc.
I've been a bit pre-occupied recovering photos, personal letters and little bits of sentimenal odds and sods for th family to remember her by. We managed to recover a lot of paperwork and hand everything over to a probate company, who are wonderful!
My partner seems to have developed magpie-itis. S was a bit of a hoarder, the property is in a bit of a state and she liked to buy white goods. He has taken a few small white goods with him every visit! (I pay him 70 pounds to get me there and back)
I've taken stuff to clean up and pass to the charity shop (mainly because I don't want to see nice china/nick-nacks chucked)
Now he's talking about the washing machine (still in it's packaging), dishwasher , cookers. And brass ornaments for scrap! I just feel like telling him enough! Let the house clearing take it (they said any photos/personal papers they'll leave to one side).
He's saying i'm being unreasonable because I took ornaments for charity/family mementos. He's making use of the stuff. I even got comments as I was washing up the china (lovely vintage stuff) for the charity shop. "All that work for someone else's enjoyment" urgh!

OP posts:
Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:59

I keep going back and forth to keep an eye on the property(I was told I had to visit the property). (this will change when the estate agent takes charge) I also searched the rooms for any will/photos/letters for the legal team.
I needed to put mouse bait down. Remove the bodies.
Keep the water level on the loos (no water in the house)

OP posts:
SilverBirchWithout · 28/01/2016 15:00

I think the best way to cover yourself from any future accusations from the eventual beneficiaries of the estate and their relatives, is for you to keep a full inventory of the items you and your DP are removing from the house. With a note of how your are disposing of them and money you get for them. Make sure you get your DP to sign that he has taken specific items.

DP is fleecing you as well as the estate beneficiaries. You are aiding and abetting in the theft of these items. Even items that have "no value" can be stolen.

ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 15:01

.....and let people steal from the house. you left that off your list.

Palomb · 28/01/2016 15:04

So if you're man is the only tracable
Relative who are you planning to "distribute" the jewlerry to? Who else is "this branch of the family"

What have you done with the ashes?

ThereIsIron · 28/01/2016 15:05

You do realise a drive of 50 miles costs about 10 pounds?

MrsJayy · 28/01/2016 15:06

He cant take washing machines it is stealing its not his to take cheeky git and £70 he is your partner not a taxi firm jeez

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 15:07

I am a bit concerned for your sake that you aren't doing this properly. Who is officially administering the estate? In cases like this everything has to be squeaky clean and seen to be so.

hefzi · 28/01/2016 15:08

Why is it taking so long to get the house clearers in, though? Usually there's barely any wait. As soon as that happens, it can go to the estate agents - and you won't need to be going in and out.

My DF was executor for my DGF's will. It was more straightforward than your case, as a)there was a will and b) my DM and her sister were joint beneficiaries. DF and DM cleared the house themselves, and my aunt came up (she lives even further away than my DP) to choose what she wanted to keep. It took them two separate day trips: one skip, for all the rubbish, one appointment with Age Concern to come and take all the furniture and everything neither of the sisters wanted etc, two runs (one on each trip) with stuff my DM wanted to keep. The second trip also involved taking the keys to the estate agent, having cleaned the house from top to bottom.

A house clearance would have been much, much quicker (my DP did it over 2 weeks, because of days off etc) BUT my DM wanted to do it herself.

So just how long have you been going back and forth for over the mousetraps etc (as I presume the papers etc were all done initially, to see whether or not there was a will) ? This all sounds most peculiar and irregular - and it's not actually your responsibility to do it, if someone is in charge of the will: they should be organising it, and billing the estate of necessary. Either way, though, your DP is stealing from the estate, and also, frankly, stealing from you with those charges.

Gazelda · 28/01/2016 15:09

How many £70 trips have you made? And over what time period?

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 15:11

The op is searching the house for a will, so I assume there isn't one presently. It's all very odd.

Marniasmum · 28/01/2016 15:12

I understand that her DP is charging £70 so she can then claim it back from the estate as an expense and between them they will be up £70 a visit.This is a bit questionable, but the fact that you (plural) are nicking things from the house is worse.You do realise this is theft?

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 15:13

(I was told I had to visit the property).

Told by who?

hefzi · 28/01/2016 15:14

Marnia OP said (p2, I think) that she's not charging the £70 to the estate - just things like topping up the electric, mouse traps, bait etc

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 15:19

We are assuming there is no will. The probate team did a search, I've searched through bin bags of stuff, cupboards, handbags, bags. Nothing.
Geneology company are tracing the relatives.
I will probably give my partner a warning about removing stuff.
He has broken up with ow. He goes through this 4-5 month infatuation then comes to his senses and decides to turn over a new leaf. I am getting stronger.

OP posts:
songbird · 28/01/2016 15:24

I will probably give my partner a warning about removing stuff.
He has broken up with ow. He goes through this 4-5 month infatuation then comes to his senses and decides to turn over a new leaf. I am getting stronger.

Wow, he's really got your number Sad.

Why aren't you responding to the many people asking why you're paying him £70 for a journey that's costing him a few quid in fuel unless he drives a Ferrari?

pocketsaviour · 28/01/2016 15:26

Pity you don't come to your senses :(

TheClacksAreDown · 28/01/2016 15:27

More to the point your (habitually?) unfaithful partner is wildly overcharging you for a journey from which he is coming away with lots of free goodies for himself that don't properly beong to you OR him. Why on earth are you tolerating this man?

ExtraBlessings · 28/01/2016 15:29

OP, sorry to hear you are going through this. Between your caring for your DP and helping your Nan it sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Some people have made some really good points about checking the legality of the situation.

Good luck

simonettavespucci · 28/01/2016 15:31

OP I believe you that you are doing this to help your nan, and it sounds like a horrible job, so that is kind of you.

BUT what your 'D'P is doing is theft - possibly from your nan if she turns out to be the beneficiary, possibly from your cousin's other relatives - and your own role is dubious, particularly given the extent to which you presumably stand to benefit if your nan does inherit.

I would back right off and let the probate company do it all. They can pay someone out of the estate for the upkeep of the house as well as the clearing.

Even more importantly though, your DP sounds like a fucking nightmare and you should LTB right now.

SilverBirchWithout · 28/01/2016 15:32

You do need to have the correct legal authority to be searching and clearing the property. You may find this site helpful to clarify whether the correct legal formalities have been adhered to.

www.gov.uk/wills-probate-inheritance

However if the next of kin has not been confirmed you should have at least written confirmation from the administrators of the estate that you have permission to do what you are doing at the property and with the possessions.

Please be aware that Probate solicitors are NOT the same as solicitors responsible for administration of the estate. Probate is the process of valuing the estate for HMRC and inheritance tax purposes and is NOT to ensure the estate is correctly dealt with other than for tax purposes.

simonettavespucci · 28/01/2016 15:39

Also I would listen to other people on the legal side, as they clearly know more than me, but I am definitely right on the LTB front.

ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 15:44

You will probably give him a warning about removing stuff?
What does that even mean?

Stop stealing from old people you never even met, the pair of you!

Sallyingforth · 28/01/2016 15:45

OP what you are doing to help out your nan is admirable and you deserve all praise for doing it.
But unfortunately the law doesn't recognise goodwill or helping hands, and they are no excuse whatever for breaking the law.

Until probate has been granted, nothing at all should be removed from the house. Has probate actually been granted, yes or no?

Your exP removing white goods was undoubtedly theft. The only question is who he has stolen them from. And by driving away with the goods you are equally guilty.

ShowYourSeams · 28/01/2016 15:45

There is so much wrong with all of this.

SheHasAWildHeart · 28/01/2016 15:48

I'm surprised that you even have to ask.
He is wrong to charge you £70.
He is wrong to take stuff that isn't legally his.
You can wrong to pay him £70.
You are wrong to let him take stuff from a dead person that he wasn't even related to.

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