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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say, let the house clearence take it!

197 replies

dentydown · 28/01/2016 13:05

My distant cousin died (my nan knew her well, she was her first cousin and didn't want to abandon her in death) last September, and left a house. Now she died intestate, so there was a lot of sorting to do, searching the house for a will/photos/legal papers etc.
I've been a bit pre-occupied recovering photos, personal letters and little bits of sentimenal odds and sods for th family to remember her by. We managed to recover a lot of paperwork and hand everything over to a probate company, who are wonderful!
My partner seems to have developed magpie-itis. S was a bit of a hoarder, the property is in a bit of a state and she liked to buy white goods. He has taken a few small white goods with him every visit! (I pay him 70 pounds to get me there and back)
I've taken stuff to clean up and pass to the charity shop (mainly because I don't want to see nice china/nick-nacks chucked)
Now he's talking about the washing machine (still in it's packaging), dishwasher , cookers. And brass ornaments for scrap! I just feel like telling him enough! Let the house clearing take it (they said any photos/personal papers they'll leave to one side).
He's saying i'm being unreasonable because I took ornaments for charity/family mementos. He's making use of the stuff. I even got comments as I was washing up the china (lovely vintage stuff) for the charity shop. "All that work for someone else's enjoyment" urgh!

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 28/01/2016 14:28

You are an utter fool. Why did you decide against leaving him?

songbird · 28/01/2016 14:29

Sorry OP, but he is seriously taking the piss. £70 for 50 miles Shock

You obviously don't drive. My car (not a gas guzzler, but not mega economical) gets about 400 miles out of a tank of petrol that costs mess than £40!

And stealing items from a dead person's house is just hideous.

songbird · 28/01/2016 14:30

less than £40

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 14:30

Open your eyes OP. You are worth much more than this loser. I hope you can raise your self-esteem enough to see that he doesn't love you.

Floggingmolly · 28/01/2016 14:31

Whether the house stands empty for years or not is not up to you, op Hmm. It'll be the property of whoever turns out to be her next of kin, which is for the administrators of the estate to establish, not you.
I can't believe they've given you the keys, tbh or have they? to swan about deciding which items have value and which haven't.
Monetary value is only part of it anyway; the items don't actually belong to you so even if they've no resale value, letting your partner take them is still theft.

LineyReborn · 28/01/2016 14:31

Who is the administrator?

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 14:31

Or has he ditched the OW incase your nan (and subsequent you) inherits this house or a large sum thereof?

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 14:35

OP's nan will inherit if the lady left no will and had no children, surviving parents, grandparents, siblings or nieces / nephews.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 28/01/2016 14:35

You are funding and your dead relative is furnishing a property for your partner and his OW, you do realise that, don't you?

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:36

Shakey, I was told I could do the house clearence myself if I wanted to! (there were even jokes about how many trips to the dump it would take)
I have told him no more. I did get fed up with the constant "oh can I just have this" and "my mate said..."

Luckily we have a date set for the clearance. Everything is to be dumped! He can chase the van to the dump if he wants!

The general consensus is, the value is in the bricks and mortar. There arnt any antiques. I have the jewelry (which we have no interest in) ready to be distributed

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 28/01/2016 14:41

OP you still haven't answered the most important question. Who has authorised (I mean legally authorised) you or the 'clearance company' to remove items from the house. This has to be done after probate has been granted.
The contents of the house should be professionally valued before any measures are taken to remove them.
Depending on their value, more than one (preferably three) contractors should be giving quotes for clearing the house, taking into account those values.
Quite apart from the legal issues that could land you in serious trouble. You sound as if you are being cheated by this clearance company as well as by your ex-partner.

And any remaining monies will be distributed amongst surviving relatives once found
Who is doing the distribution? Legally it may very well all be due to just one nearest relative. That relative may sue you for what they have lost if they do not receive what is legally theirs.

You do not seem to realise the dangers of your position.

CocktailQueen · 28/01/2016 14:42

The clearance company are charging the estate 4000-5000 to clear the property.

What??? Where are you?

DH paid a clearance company to clear his mum's house in London last week after he'd gone through it and taken paperwork, sentimental items and so on.

2 men took less than a day to clear a full three-bed house. They charged £1200. You're being robbed.

Is this all kosher? You've never met your cousin yet you're clearing her house?

Agree that your partner sounds greedy and not very nice.

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:45

I've been given they keys because I have been arranging S's funeral, probate, consultants, looking for a will and everything else.
My nan will inherit a portion of the sale of the house, but... we have a lot of debts (mortgage, debt collectors etc) to pay off first.
I'm only doing it for my nan because she wanted to sort out the estate, and she was the only traceable relative.

I'm not swannin in and out deciding If anything has value. I have been advised that there is no value In anything.

OP posts:
hefzi · 28/01/2016 14:46

If the clearance company are going to do it, why do you keep going back and forth and, more importantly, why does he keep stealing stuff every time? You've said you told the executors/probate people you want them to use clearers and not do it - so keep your mitts off and let them do their job.

And his £70 charge: he's fleecing you as well - what a prince Hmm I had assumed for that that it was the other end of the country - not 50 miles. My DF's gas guzzler would be around £20 for 100 miles. And does your DP realise that by making a profit out of taking you, he's potentially causing problems for his insurance, never mind his tax? I would not tolerate in any way, shape or form someone who was so exploitative of my need for assistance, or who was a thief (which he is).

If you and he don't mind potentially getting a criminal record and prison sentence, carry right on as though are, though.

Shakey15000 · 28/01/2016 14:48

Advised by who though? I would seriously consider finding out the legalities of this. You may well be acting in good faith but could also fall foul.

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 14:52

Well there won't be anything of value left because a certain thieving boyfriend is taking it all. Of course white goods in their packaging have value.

Original poster
dentydown · 28/01/2016 14:52

It is kosher. I'm going through a probate company. I haven't met my cousin, but I am acting on behalf of my nan.
The quote was for the fact the S was a hoarder. We have bin bags of used continence pants, food, clothes and other crap everywhere. It's not just a few sticks of furnature and some cat ornaments.
It took me three hours to clear her bed. She was sleeping on old clothes, news papers, documents etc. I had to bag up videos, clothes, curtains to get to more documents on another bed.
There was a chicken carcass, left on the side. It looked like it had been left there for 2 years.
She wouldn't let anyone assist her. She had a friend who offered to help her clear the place and give her. Decent living space but she refused.
She didn't tell us what was going on, we would of stepped in and helped, even though we didn't know her. She was very private.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 28/01/2016 14:53

What he is doing is potentially illegal - stealing from the estate.

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 14:54

Is it the probate management company that have advised and arranged all this? Did they get several quotes for the house clearance? Dors that very high price reflect the fact that it is a biohazard maybe? Deep cleaning?

LineyReborn · 28/01/2016 14:55

Who is the administrator?

firesidechat · 28/01/2016 14:56

It sounds like a biohazard. You would have to pay me a lot to do that job, so it may well be the going rate.

Floggingmolly · 28/01/2016 14:56

Your nana will inherit a portion of the house... but you haven't yet either found a will (!) or established whether the deceased has any living family Hmm.

Are you the administrator, op? Officially, I mean, bearing in mind it's a legal process?
Hand it over to a good solicitor and step away, is my advice.

Floggingmolly · 28/01/2016 14:57

Oh x post

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 14:58

Sorry OP, that sounds horrid for your Nan and it's great that you're sorting it out for her. Cross posted as I suspected what you confirmed. Can well believe it as we were quoted £2K for biohazard caravan clearance. Anyway. YANBU. Keep your 'partner' away (or chasing the van).

shoeaddict83 · 28/01/2016 14:59

you still havent answered why the 'partner' you were leaving 3 weeks ago due to his OW is suddenly back in the picture fleecing you for money and stealing your dead relatives goods which he is not entitled to?
Why is he even involved??