To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

WhatWould because the guests should be there to celebrate the wedding. It isn't about them. I'm not suggesting that people intentionally be nasty to guests but having to avoid things to spare the guests feelings is unacceptable.

Weddings are also a lot more expensive than general parties.

Personally I wouldn't want a big party because people argue over silly things

Asking for money is HORRENDOUSLY BAD MANNERS

There's happy and comfortable then there's the ridiculous.

everything seems "wrong"

go or don't go, take a gift or don't take a gift, but even when.the B&G don't make any unreasonable requests etc there's still something.

the food is wrong

they don't like where they are sitting

their hamster wasn't invited

the hotel doesn't have enough towels

children under 8 arent allowed and despite months worth of warnings the bride is a bitch because a 2 yr old can't come. even though if you'd have asked grandma in reasonable time they'd have been able to take them.

the bar doesn't sell something

they brother is going and yiu haven't spoken to them.in 15 years since he broke your barbie as a baby.

seems to me people are often so hung up on their own drama that it's all still too much trouble.

We were asked by so many people, as were my mum and dad, before the invitations even went out whether we wanted presents or money that we changed the invitation to include gift information. Prior to that we weren't going to put anything about gifts. We did suggest money (but also had a gift list) but didn't use a crap poem.

a gift list is fine

asking for money is awful IMO

Giles that's how I feel.

And I don't think it's bad manners to ask for cash what's the difference between asking for a £20 gift or £20 money? Other than one probably won't get used

someone's wedding isn't about anyone's feelings other than the B&G

That's the problem with weddings today. Yes it's the couple's special day but there is never any need to be inconsiderate to guests. By that I mean expensive weddings abroad, demanding guests only wear certain colours, not feeding them during a five hour photo shoot or excluding a section of guests from the reception but not the rest of it.

I think child free weddings are OK, and I think cost of attending needs to be reasonable. If you do all that, couples can still have a dream wedding without resentful skint guests.

This is just my opinion of course, others may feel differently.

I'd rather give cash. I'll give what I cab afford. if I thought the happy couple are likely to base their interest in my presence on how much I spent well I wouldnt be going.

Well yeah battle not feeding guests is rude. as would he changing your mind about inviting kids last minute. and expecting someone to fly out fir half a reception

but not having fish fingers available fir a kid they were guilted in to inviting by some self involved guest who took anything as a "well fuck you"

well that's just unreasonable on the guests front.

Giles- guests have to be reasonable too, of course.

What's wrong with 'You don't have to give us anything, but if you want to give us something then cash would be gratefully received'.

The poem's not my cup of tea but the underlying sentiment is perfectly fine and seems reasonable enough in their specific circumstances.

Why do people think that b&g asking for money is to pay for their wedding? Dont most wedding things have to be paid in advance i.e. already fucking paid for so any cash gift is not going towards that. As for going towards the honeymoon, I actually think this is rather a lovely thing to contribute towards. When i get married i will probably put a poem in with my invites suggesting cash gifts. (And it goes without saying that all gifts are optional, unless of course you are thick as shit, but no one Id invite to my wedding falls into that category). Because i dont want/need any material things be it vases/towels/toasters/photo albums. No one that matters to me would be the slightest bit offended, in fact it seems par for the course now with all the weddings ive been to in the last 5/10 years. Personally anyone who was so mortally offended by this request sounds like incredibly hard work and self centred and better off not attending.

When confronted with a request for cash, I give John Lewis vouchers. Feels a bit better to me and still mostly fills their brief.

homeriliad, nowt wrong with that imo. short and straight to the point. But equally a little ditty expressing the same point is just as valid.

If you don't need 'stuff' (toasters and the like), then why don't you just say no gifts thanks, we have everything we need.

But no, let's not pass up the opportunity of people being traditionally required to buy us gifts and make money off it instead.

It's fecking rude. However, it is becoming the norm and I accept that makes it more socially acceptable as time goes by.

Yikes, we have been asked what we'd like for our wedding presents (in May). We live together so really don't need anything (apart from a new boiler!!). I'm thinking of simply not putting anything on the invites as they are my guests so don't want anyone to feel "they have to". My partner says people will expect "to give something". We've decided that only if people say they'd like to get us something, we're suggesting a donation to the Celia Hammond Animal Trust (I used to volunteer there and we are both massive fans of her work) or theatre vouchers because we'd love to see a top west end show in the summer (Gypsy if possible). Does this sound better than one of those notes??

When DH and i got married a couple of years ago we put in our invites that we want just your company, lovely if you can make it, no need for presents.
We did that too, some close friends bought us thoughtful little gifts that they knew meant something to us, but we honestly just wanted a big party with friends and family to celebrate. Their company was all that mattered.
I sometimes feel that people only get married ( or engaged ) for the presents!

Sounds lovely Janeymoo.

I think it's perfectly possible to get married without being grabby or twee. The OP's poem is one of the less grabby ones I've seen (though madly ungrammatical) - but so many really do come across as grabby and are really, really badly written. I do wonder in those cases why they can't say a really simple 'We'd love to see you and hope you can make it. No presents expected; cash gifts/donations to X charity preferred if you really do want to get us something.' It's straightforward.

Not that I don't enjoy the challenge of trying to come up with something even worse..

I absolutely love weddings.

They are brilliant fun.

Especially when the people getting married don't get weird notions about how they are the only people in the world that matter.

If you hate people so much that being nice to them is too hard on your "special day", maybe just elope.

Of course, then you won't be able to look like a rude, grasping, dick head with no manners by sending out letters telling people what to do with their money...

It's a tough one.

*If you don't need 'stuff' (toasters and the like), then why don't you just say no gifts thanks, we have everything we need.

But no, let's not pass up the opportunity of people being traditionally required to buy us gifts and make money off it instead.*

Definitely this!

It's difficult, when we got married we said we don't want anything but we still got money, gift cards and some presents (some of which will never see daylight again) but we said thank you for everything and we were overwhelmed.

I personally don't mind giving money as a lot of the time it is easier but then again if I can get something that they'd appreciate I'd try get that.

I don't understand the pearl clutching here sometimes.

It's difficult, when we got married we said we don't want anything but we still got money, gift cards and some presents (some of which will never see daylight again) but we said thank you for everything and we were overwhelmed.

But that's fine because you didnt ask. It's the asking that's the issue.

I'd be deliberately disingenuous and ask the couple which charity the cheque needs to me made out to, as they seem to have missed that bit off the invite. Then watch them squirm.