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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DPs sisters wedding?!

170 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/01/2016 09:45

Ok I already know I am being unreasonable, it's DPs sister, but I reeeeeeally don't want to go!

I don't like weddings anyway, but I'm especially dreading this one. His sister is just awful, acts like a spoilt princess at the best of times but is now the bridezilla from hell!

If we visit his parents and she is there, we can't mention buying our house or she gets cross that we aren't focused on her wedding, and yesterday when his mum started asking me about any ideas we've had for our wedding, she gave me the most awful look and loudly announced that there would only be her wedding this year so her mum should be focusing on that, not another one that isn't booked yet! I didn't want to tall about our bloody wedding, getting married is something me and DP will do but I am really not arsed about wedding planning and it will be very, very low key, so I resent being looked at as some awful thunder-stealer! Herr attitude whenever the conversation is about anything other than her wedding is just truly grim.

On top of this, I hate the way I look and we are buying a new house as we speak, so money is tight so I'm stressing about my outfit and what I'm going to wear. She said that she expects her guests to wear designer outfits as anything cheaper would ruin her day and the photographs Confused

I have already managed to get out of the 3, yes 3, hen parties, but my DP really wants me to go with him to the wedding and take the children so I don't feel like I can say no.

Although she had never been directly hostile to me, I get the distinct impression that she really doesn't like me, probably as we are so different, and I feel as though I won't measure up on the day,and she'll mock me for my outfit etc.

Would it be unreasonable of me to contract food poisoning so I can't go?! only half joking

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
OnlyLovers · 27/01/2016 09:30

bollocks to labels and bollocks to Monsoon

Glad we've got through to you, OP. Grin

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2016 09:32

Is the spring/summer stuff in shops yet? I'll go and have a look at what treasures primark have in stock! 😂

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 27/01/2016 09:37

wear a long white dress. And a veil.

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2016 09:41

What about this?!

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 27/01/2016 09:58

It doesn't matter where it is from or how much you pay for it. Find something that you feel confident and good in. Step back and find everything amusing. See it as a family party and focus on the other guests and not bridezilla.

I do like honeyroars retorts if you've got the confidence to deliver them.

NameChange30 · 27/01/2016 10:51

"It doesn't matter where it is from or how much you pay for it. Find something that you feel confident and good in."

This. I know people are just poking fun but I don't think you should get something cheap and nasty just to spite the bride. Get yourself an outfit you like and might wear again.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/01/2016 11:36

Buy something that suits you and the kids, makes you feel comfortable both during the day and in any photos. I'd definitely ensure DH knows you're not being abandoned with the kids all day. He's the brother of the bride, so virtually unneeded except photos.

We use eBay for dresses for DD and we usually buy complimentary coloured Converse hi-tops. Comfy and reuseable :) I hate waste though.

Book somewhere nice overnight and head back to hotel early, ensure you have some delicious treats to eat, maybe a glass of wine and watch a movie.

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2016 12:07

Purple shes insisting she needs his help all day,so I've got to drop him at the church at 11- ceremony is at 2 Confused

I've then got to hang around (its 2 hours from home) with the kids til it starts.

I'm going to just drive home with the kids once I they get tired and ratty, and DP can stay with his parents.

I will definitely ensure wine us in the fridge waiting for me!

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 27/01/2016 12:18

She is completely batshit! Why on earth do you need your brother to hang round a church for three hours before you get married? The bride won't even be there until 2pm. She will presumably have bridesmaids (poor sods) and a Mum and a groom to support her? Massive control freak princess.

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2016 12:28

DP asked her exactly this, and was told that she needed him to help coordinate things....what these things are she didn't elaborate on Confused

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 27/01/2016 12:48

He needs to ask her exactly why as he has to leave his wife and kids hanging around for two hours. Why doesn't he just say he can't because of that? Why won't he? is he scared? The worst thing you can do with a control freak is appease them all the time.

Unless is doing all the flower arranging single handed, he is not needed.

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2016 12:53

Oh god no, he's not scared, he finds her exasperating! He's going to speak to her about how unreasonable see if she'll accept 1 instead of 11- an hour I can do, there is a little park near the church they can play in, then slip their dresses on before we go in Smile

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 27/01/2016 12:55

"so I've got to drop him at the church at 11- ceremony is at 2"

That will be totally unnecessary. There might be another wedding going on or the church might not even be open. If he isn't best man he isn't needed until 2pm. Is he an usher or best man?

ChimpyChops · 27/01/2016 12:59

She sounds like a complete nightmare but I couldn't help myself winding her up lol.

He won't need to be at the church that early, that is totally ridiculous. How old are your children?

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2016 13:08

That's exactly what I said, about another wedding! Even if there isn't one, surely the church will be locked up?! !

He is neither best man nor usher, just general dogsbody it sounds like!

Kids will be 9 and 14 months.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 27/01/2016 13:10

I would also load the kids up with sugar so they can screech around the church as she's saying her vows

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/01/2016 13:11

Those rainbow dresses look joyful - designer? heck someone designed them.

shes insisting she needs his help all day,so I've got to drop him at the church at 11- ceremony is at 2

I don't see why 12 noon at the very earliest
wouldn't be ample. She seems caught up in her own bubble of self-importance and I would be astonished if she turns up at the church at 2pm on the dot.

meganorks · 27/01/2016 13:22

To be honest it sounds like the run up to the wedding will be worse than the big day. So avoid her as much as possible before. But I think you have to go. But you can always keep your fingers crossed it will be a child free wedding so you have to stay at home with the kids!

plainjanine · 27/01/2016 13:25

How about you wear something you like, feel comfortable in etc.... Then after wearing it to the wedding, wear it for the next 3 or 4 times you see her too. So she eventually knows just how special her day was to you.

I'm a p/a bitch, I know...

Try to enjoy it, and it will go quicker. There'll surely be a feeling of shared suffering amongst the guests to bring you all closer together.

cozietoesie · 27/01/2016 13:28

I almost wish I was going in your place! It sounds so .....memorable..... that you absolutely can't miss it.

Grin
MrTumbleForPM · 27/01/2016 13:29

DH is a vicar, he generally gets to the Church an hour before the ceremony if he has an inkling that the bride has been awkward. Mainly to calm down all the panicking ushers or put-upon family members. For sensible couples it's normally only 45 minutes before.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/01/2016 13:32

He should tell her his hourly rate to supervise an empty church is £50. Is it in the wedding budget?

cozietoesie · 27/01/2016 13:33

Dear Goodness, Tread. Don't let the OP get her started on the question of budgets! Grin

NameChange30 · 27/01/2016 13:42

If I were you I'd ask DP to tell her he's arriving at 1pm. TELL her, not ask if it's ok. No further discussion.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/01/2016 13:46

The OPs DP is neither a best man/groomsman or usher, he is a mug [if he agrees to this].

OP - she doesn't like you so what's to lose ? We are delighted to accept the invite for all 5 of us. We will see you at the church at 2. Buy a gift, exit when appropriate and stop pandering to this shite.
I don't understand why you can't avoid the woman entirely until her wedding day to be honest if you have escaped the hen do's?

Seriously any sibling of mine who behaved like this would be left to stew and I wouldn't be remotely bothered about not attending if that was the "penalty" for not hanging on her every word and obeying every edict. I'll bet attending the actual royal wedding was less hassle for the average guest !