AIBU to judge people on their teeth?

[MercedesDR]

Met a guy on Saturday night who just called me. I refused a date because he has a couple of missing teeth. Okay so maybe I'm shallow but it matters to me.

Why do people kid themselvesi that if teeth are gone at the back it doesn't notice? It does and it makes me cringe. So do rotting, or neglected teeth.

If you want to date, sort it out. Take out a loan if you have to!

Yeah you specifically pointed out a specific post wasnt general advice was it cheers

Yes it was. It was directed at the contrast between no decay and gum disease - which as I said lots of people don't understand. It was that part of the post that made me think "ah! lots of people won't get this".

That's why I posted the link - for general info!!!

The clue (and proof) that it obviously wasn't directed at MrsDV because she expressly said "her gums are fucked" - so sadly (as anyone with any dental knowledge would realise) what I posted was useless info for her!! It may be helpful for others though.

exasperated I don't know how old your DD is but if your dentist is being useless and noncommittal I would strongly suggest that you arrange an appt just you and them (so as not to embarrass your DD) and grill them over the options, treatment and timescale
Or, if you're not happy doing that
Make appts for your DD to visit half a dozen dentists for appts, ask each of them for their opinion and proposed treatment plan.

Get the ball rolling whilst she's young and push for it. I was treated and close to "white toothed" before I hit 10.

I have a definite 'thing' about teeth and do always notice people's teeth, but I don't judge them on it; having good teeth doesn't make you a good person. I do spend time and money to make sure my teeth are healthy and look good but that's because a) I'm in a position to be able to do that (enough money, no fear of treatment, naturally 'good' teeth) and b) it's something that's important to me for my own self-esteem. Not everyone can do it, or finds it equally as important. I personally wouldn't be physically attracted to someone who had rotten teeth or missing front teeth, but I wouldn't think they were somehow inferior to me.

I don't know how you would notice someone was missing a back tooth though unless you stared really intently into the back of their mouth - if they were otherwise a nice, clean, pleasant, interesting person that really wouldn't bother me. Simon Cowell has "perfect" teeth (if you go in for that Hollywood/TOWIE look) and I wouldn't want to date him!

So much judgement on this thread from a few people.

My dentist tells me I have a perfect cleaning routine. So does the dental hospital.

Unfortunately, a mix of genetic bad luck and an autoimmune disease has decimated my teeth and I've lost several.

I've had gum surgery, crowns and veneers, but still my teeth are loosening and unfortunately I'm not sure that I could have implants (even though there's a chance I'd get them on the NHS) due to bone erosion.

It affects my confidence and I live with pain all the time.

Maybe the just-throw-money-at-it brigade could pause to consider that bad teeth might not be the fault of the owner of said teeth.

I am one of 'the working poor'. I negotiated my dental treatment at a special offer price from a few months before (they will usually negotiate) and paid it back over a year and a half. I cancelled my TV package, stopped getting taxis, and economized in a lot of ways so that I could pay it, and it was worth it. A friend of mine has spent more on hair extensions over that time. Which was worth it to her.

It's far better that missing-teeth-man dates a woman who doesn't care about missing teeth - clearly there are plenty of them about - than someone who would feel uncomfortable with it. I wouldn't tell anyone to persevere with someone they don't fancy. If you want to know some of my aliases just look up any of the 'I don't fancy him but he's nice, what do I do?' threads. I'll be the one telling her to head for the hills.

Interestingly enough my oldest son is being investigated for hypodontia at the moment as some of his adult teeth have just not grown. He hasn't done anything to cause that and neither have we. No doubt you'd be hoiking your judgey pants about that too.

No doubt, really?! She doesn't want to fuck a guy she doesn't fancy. I doubt she has any strong feelings about your child.

Leaving this thread now. I'm too mellow for AIBU except when I'm PMSing.

I've got localised aggressive periodontitis. It's HEREDITARY. I've also got a dentist phobia, which has meant my treatments went by the wayside for a few years due to being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but that was my fault, I accept that.

Anyway, after putting up with various problems over the years I forced myself to go for a private consultation, and the news wasn't good. The initial treatment plan is going to cost £750. I'm not moaning about the cost, like I said I accept its my fault.

I've literally just plucked up the courage to make an appointment to have my first deep clean session, plus removal of 2 teeth (one back and one front canine) and I've had many sleepless nights worrying what people will think about my missing front tooth, but I have managed to convince myself it wouldn't matter!

To the poster who said not to click on the thread if they were likely to get offended, funnily enough I was interested to see what people's reactions were. I'm pleased to see the majority of people don't see it being that much of a big deal. So I'm going ahead with it, I will have a missing tooth and if you care to judge me, go ahead because zero fucks will be given by me!

I wouldn't judge anyone's personality on their teeth - or indeed their ability to be a great parent, a great worker, or their worth as a human. Good teeth doesn't equal good person. But I thought this was about physical attraction of the romantic kind? that's what I've been basing my posts on.
People judge potential partners on all sorts of physical qualities - height, weight, age, nose size, hair - & yes, teeth.
That's how attraction works. It doesn't make you cold & heartless if you don't fancy a particular person because of how they look.

I'm only 26 years old and my teeth are absolutely destroyed.

I've suffered from mental health problems for 10+ years and that has included badly neglecting some aspects of my personal hygeine- particularly my teeth. I haven't looked after them or attended the dentist for ages. I have 3 back teeth missing, one broken and the problem is starting to show on my front teeth now too. Im ashamed and so self conscious of them that I actually make sure I sit to the right of people I'm out with to avoid them seeing the gaps. I try not to smile or laugh with my mouth open so that people don't notice the mess my mouth is in. All of this hinders my recovery because I can't relax or feel good about myself when logically (and with the help of counselling and meds) I know that I'm an otherwise intelligent and attractive person. You've just confirmed to me that I'm right to be fearful and that people will judge me, so thanks for that.

If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd have myself knocked out and do whatever it took to fix my teeth. Sadly I'm a young, single parent who is studying and would never be able to get alone. Its not always possible for people to spend thousands of pounds on a cosmetic procedure.

Don't be so narrow minded, shame on you.

I have all my own teeth and no filings at 46 - still avoid judgy people though

My middle child has extensive fluoride damage and as a result hasn't smiled much in public or in pictures for the past five years - because she fears ignorant arseholes making judgy comments

Well done CozyLinusBlanket!

How your teeth look can influence a prospective employer. An old boss once told me that he rejected a woman who applied to him for a job as a receptionist. She had ugly teeth.

I posted a pic of my DD (7) on Facebook, showing her grinning after something fun. My FIL's wife commented "she needs to see a dentist". Admittedly DDs teeth aren't too straight at the moment, her baby teeth are coming out and adult teeth struggling for room. She visits the dentist every 6 months.
I judged step-MIL for her hurtful and irrelevant post.

My parents never took me to the dentist, I'm missing 3 back teeth since being about 15, and I'm only 24, my gran took me when I had a horrible abcess thing that was making me cry as a young teen but other than that I was never taken to the dentist. All my other teeth are in good condition and I look after them now but fuck it its not really my fault and I can't afford to do anything about it.
Either no one had ever noticed or they've been too polite to say anything, I hope no one is judging me on my teeth my front teeth are really straight and white but I can't do anything about the missing ones as I don't have a spare tenner let alone thousands. I don't think its noticeable but maybe it is, who cares.

It wasn't the fact that the OP didn't fancy him that bothered me. It was this quote:

Why do people kid themselves that if teeth are gone at the back it doesn't notice? It does and it makes me cringe. So do rotting, or neglected teeth.

If you want to date, sort it out. Take out a loan if you have to!

We all fancy who we fancy, but this was a value judgement.

I don't know why people are bothering to explain to the op why she shouldn't judge people on their teeth.

She's not listening.

Op may you and your teeth be very happy together.

Most people don't care.

Yes I am not sure the OP is particularly bothered to be engaged with the thread TBH.

They did say Okay so maybe I'm shallow to begin with and they weren't wrong.

I have an ongoing medical condition which means I cant fight normal microbes as other people do. from evolutionary point of view, I might see your point. You won't want to mate with someone who has this kind of issue. And I once came across a guy who was very very keen on me until he found about this. Lol. It's your decision and I am sure he will find someone who will accept his condition and might even help him fight it tooth and nail. I found DH and he is with me all the way.

I'm annoyed with myself but you've really pissed me off. How dare you pass judgement on people because of the appearance of their teeth. Everything is theoretically fixable but not to every person whether emotionally, financially or physically. What you're saying is akin to discriminating due to disfigurement or disability. And "get a loan" - can you not hear the bollocks you are spouting? Your teeth may be perfect but I suggest you keep your mouth closed, as what's coming out it deeply unattractive. And I do judge you for it because you very easily can, and should, help it.

YANBU to have whatever non-negotiables you like for dating, you're not obligated to be romantically involved with anyone. If back teeth are a deal breaker for you, that's nobody else's business. We all have our lines we won't cross. For example, being so dense as to think people are choosing between dentistry and nights out and it's simply a question of priorities would mean you'd immediately be removed from my dance card. I just can't deal with that level of fucking dipshit.

Oh and I can't get a loan to fix my teeth, if I was going to get a loan it would be for something we actually need, like a car, furniture etc. can't exactly spend thousand on my teeth when we can't even afford a wardrobe or a dining table ffs

YANBU to not find missing teeth attractive, we all have likes and dislikes.

YABU to be so vocal about judging everyone with bad teeth and assume they've not been looking after them and that it's easy to solve, there's a plethora of reasons as to why someone's teeth might not be perfect and why they can't get them 'fixed'.

I couldn't date someone who didn't practice good oral hygiene and had manky teeth as a result. Otherwise I don't think it's nice to judge someone because they have wonky or missing teeth, you just don't know the circumstances of how they've come to be that way.

I couldn't date someone who is so far up their own backside that cannot they see past how someone appears at first glance.

Well done CozyLinusBlanket! How your teeth look can influence a prospective employer. An old boss once told me that he rejected a woman who applied to him for a job as a receptionist. She had ugly teeth

WTAF??