AIBU to judge people on their teeth?

[MercedesDR]

Met a guy on Saturday night who just called me. I refused a date because he has a couple of missing teeth. Okay so maybe I'm shallow but it matters to me.

Why do people kid themselvesi that if teeth are gone at the back it doesn't notice? It does and it makes me cringe. So do rotting, or neglected teeth.

If you want to date, sort it out. Take out a loan if you have to!

No one knows what anyone looks like on here, and no matter what a person looks like. Every one is fanciable to someone. Just like everyone one is repulsive to someone, I guess. Every eye has its own perception of beautiful and ugly.

I've just had a thought. I'll text him the phone number of my dentist and suggest he gives the surgery a call.

Yes, as you said in your first post, you are shallow. If you have an ex- friend soon, don't be too surprized.

My teeth are lovely. Straight and white. Apart from one crown that I needed after I broke my tooth during a fall, I have no fillings.

But I'm just lucky. I have done nothing special to deserve this apart from routine dental care. I wouldn't judge anyone for not having perfect teeth. Not everyone is blessed with white teeth naturally and dental work can be very expensive indeed (my porcelain crown cost nearly £500 )

One of my DDs has enamel hypoplasia on her milk teeth. They look pretty ropey. This is not her fault. If her adult teeth are similarly affected, that won't be her fault either.

I have always brushed my teeth. I have no decay at all. My gums are fucked.

Just on this - this is why it is important to have regular hygienist appointments - because if you brush your teeth, you will get tartar build up. If it starts to go below the gum line, the gums start to "gape" from the teeth. A small "gape" will self repair after descaling and with good hygiene.

Once that "gape" gets too wide, then you get severe gum loss, bone decay and you will loose your teeth.

*because EVEN if you brush your teeth regularly, you will still get tartar build up

What are your judgments then?

It is ok to not want to go out with someone because you don't find them attractive due to their teeth, it's not ok and a bit bananas to place a value judgment on them as a person just because they have some missing teeth. That is nuts.

www.colgate.com/en/us/oc/oral-health/conditions/gum-disease/article/SW-281474979370293

CHEERS did you not read Mrsdv post to the end did you miss the bit about Ptsd or she couodnt go anywhere that smelled medical skipping to a hygenist wasnt high up on the list of priorities

Mrs D

CheersMedea Did you actually read the rest of MrsDeVere's post?

I have great teeth with no fillings despite a serious chocolate and diet coke habit, because my mother was rigorous about sweets and teeth cleaning when I was little, and because i suffered torture with braces. I intend to do the same for DD.

DH has pretty bad teeth - missing a few and really needs expensive implants that he can't afford and won't let me pay for. So long as he brushes them and smells nice, I couldn't care less.

TL:DR - judge yourself but not other people. However, I would say that when it comes to fancying someone, you can't control that. But if your preferences are so strongly for something so surface, you might want to have a look at that!

I don't have access to unlimited funds. I have my priorities right. A couple of visits to the dentist a year, cost no more than a few nights out.
And for those of us having to manage on benefits?

cheers MrsdeVere has been bereaved she like me lost her beautiful daughter.
I haven't been to the dentist since my daughter died but I have been fortunate and my teeth are ok. The dentist and any hospital are triggers which bring back the awful

I cant find the words

Hygienist appointments here are £45.

CHEERS did you not read Mrsdv post to the end did you miss the bit about Ptsd

YES! Blimey what is it about Mumsnet?!?!

That wasn't to MrsDV - it was to everyone!! I was trying to give people helpful advice they may not know. FFS. :P

I know plenty of people who think that brushing and good self-care is enough to prevent gum disease when it actually isn't.

It was a general point indicated by the intro "Just on that".

People here are so trigger happy and ready to jump down people's throats at the slightest thing.

Yes Cheers but you quoted MrsDV with your >>

When I first had problems with my hands and couldn't brush very effectively, I got bad gum disease. Finally found a NHS dentist whose answer was either let all my teeth fall out and get NHS dentures (age 22), or go private for £300. I was skint and that was a month's rent!
Luckily I'd recently started seeing MrNC who had just got a good job, and lent me the cash and said he'd frogmarch me to the dentist if I didn't take it, so then just had dental needle phobia to deal with... dentist managed in an epic 90 min session to fix it all.

Now I just have a broken front tooth which I'm embarrassed about, but the 6th attempt to crown it has fallen off and there's a long wait list at the hospital. And 4-monthly dental appts to deep-clean the teeth.

Friend of mine had a strange grey front tooth which I always found offputting but none of my business. Found out that she had it from her violent ex punching her - I knew she'd left him by legging it out of the car in a strange city and being rescued by strangers - and kept it on purpose to remind herself how life was so much better now. After about 10 years she celebrated with a new one.

Why do people kid themselvesi that if teeth are gone at the back it doesn't notice? Eh? Notice? What or who doesn't notice - the mouth?

Do you mean 'it doesn't show'?

See, not nice being judged, is it?

I was out with a group. He was a friend of a friend. He asked me for my number in front of a few other people, and it was impossible to refuse

Putting you on the spot like that makes him sound pushy and manipulative
I'd suggest that this has tainted your view of him so that you generally see him in a bad light
Consciously you are focusing on the teeth but underlying this is a gut instinct that he's a wrongun
if he had come across as kind and genuine then dental imperfections might not loom so large in your mind

Yeah you specifically pointed out a specific post wasnt general advice was it cheers

What do you suggest the unemployed and the working poor do, OP? Rob a bank? Do a bit of overtime? Yes people on out of work benefits/ on a low income get free dental care but even that has its limitations. If your tooth has to be taken out the NHS won't pay for a new one for you.

You seem to live in a fantasy world if you think people with little money can afford a spare £1000+ for a tooth/a loan for a tooth. You have a right "I'm alright jack" ignorant attitude- which a lot of middle class/upper class people tend to have.

Well Op , aren't you a precious wallflower